Page 17 of Dawn Caravan
“Why not?”
“In all ways but blood, she is your mother, Benjamin. She is angry on your behalf.”
“She and Tenzin were family once.” Part of him was satisfied and another part mourned. “I don’t want… I don’t know what I want.”
Giovanni looked to the fire. “You can love someone and still be angry with them.”
“Are you angry with her?”
His uncle said nothing.
Ben felt his fangs lengthen. He willed them back. “Are you?”
Giovanni put a hand over his heart and turned toward him. His eyes were full of pain. “Did you see Caspar at dinner? Did you sense it?”
“What does Caspar have to do—?”
“He has everything to do with you and your anger toward her. With me andmyanger. Because I am watching him die, Ben. And even though he has had a good and long life—the life he wanted—I will lose…” Giovanni cleared his throat. “I will lose a part of my soul when Caspar is gone.”
Ben fought back his emotions. “But he made a choice and you respected that. I didn’t—”
“No.” Giovanni shook his head. “I know you didn’t. But how can I remain angry with her, Benjamin? How can I resent her for saving my son’s life?”
“She knew.” His fangs fell and he didn’t try to stop them. “She knew how I felt. I made her promise so many times—”
“I couldn’t have watched you die.” The words rushed out of Giovanni’s mouth in a quiet torrent. He clutched the hand over his heart into a fist. “Is that what you want to hear? Orneedto hear? God forgive me, but I couldn’t have watched you die when I knew I could save you. Would you have forgivenme?”
“You’re my uncle.” Ben swallowed hard. “It’s not the same.”
“But she was your friend. And I know there was more, but before anything else, you were herfriend, Benjamin. She doesn’t have many.” Giovanni’s eyes drilled into him. “She lost Stephen. She lost Nima. Did you think she could lose you too?”
Ben looked away. He couldn’t face the raw pain in his uncle’s eyes anymore. “You’re saying I was selfish?”
“Maybe.”
“She didn’t have to take me.” He walked to the table and threw back the glass of whiskey he’d poured earlier. “She didn’t have to keep dragging me back. I was trying to get out, and she kept pulling me back.”
“And you kept answering the call.” Giovanni put his hands in his trouser pockets and stared at the fire. “She asked you to swim, but you dove into the deep end. Living that life was never only her choice.”
Ben stared at his uncle, wanting to hug him. Wanting to fight him. Wanting to erase the words Giovanni had just said from his mind.
You were her friend, Benjamin. She doesn’t have many.
“I’ll take the plane,” Ben said quietly. “You’re right. I’ll be able to move faster.”
Giovanni kept his eyes toward the fire and nodded.
“I’m also going to ask Chloe to come with me to Bucharest, so it’ll be more comfortable for her to fly privately.”
“If Chloe goes, Gavin will go too.”
Ben took a long breath. “I’m counting on it.”
Giovanni looked at her. “Asking her to swim?”
“Yes. But unlike Tenzin, Gavin will make damn sure she doesn’t jump into the deep end.”
* * *
