Page 90 of Demons and Debts
I don’t stop. I walk quickly across the deck and down the steps. I head for the woods. I’m not trying to escape this time. If I had balls, they’ve got me by them now that Shar is involved. But I need to be away for a little while to get my head together.
The weird tingle I felt before when I was trying to leave the grounds isn’t there now, but I can still feel the hum of the perimeter. I guess it’s magicked or something. I follow the trails, trying to keep my mind off the bullshit, but failing.
I feel … sad and it’s so dumb.
Fuck those guys because even though I knew their friendliness wasn’t real, two hours was all it took for them to start drawing me in, messing with my head, making me feel like I could belong even for a little while.
Tears burn the backs of my eyelids, and I wonder if Vic knew what he was doing. Of course he did. These five days weren’t meant as a respite, they were supposed to be a punishment, a suffering purgatory with an inevitable outcome.
I keep heading further into the trees. It looks different out here in the daylight. I slow my pace, not wanting to go too far, but also not in the mood to return to the house yet.
Maybe I should try to beat Vic at his own game and just get this over with. It's only day one and it already feels like it's been an eternity. If I choose now, then the waiting is over.
I turn back towards the house, making my mind up in a split second. I have to decide and then get it over with. But which one? Paris I discount immediately because of the clothes incident and his entire demeanor. He’s acting like such a dick, like all he has to do is whip it out and I’ll fall on it with pleasure. Theo’s out next because he seemed to think me choosing him is a foregone conclusion just because of what happened in the bedroom. Vic? No. He’s too intimidating and he was so cold and mean after the night at the club that I don’t really want to be around him. Korban is a no as well. He’s angry and he stares. I get the feeling he wants to hurt me. That leaves Sie. He hasn’t been more or less friendly and he hasn’t changed anything in his interactions with me. He hasn’t tried to buy me either. I mean I haven’t really even spoken to him since that first day in his room. He doesn’t know I exist, I’m pretty sure. Perfect. Well, not perfect at all, but under the circumstances, he’s probably my best bet to get it over and done with quickly.
At least I was able to save Shar and her kids, I tell myself again. I say this multiple times a day like a mantra. It makes me feel better.
I go back inside and to Sie’s room. No point in delaying the inevitable any longer. I knock and my heart beats faster. My legs twitch as I think about running away before he opens it, but I don’t move. No one answers after a minute, and I look tentatively behind me. There's no one around to see as I open the door and slip inside, but he's not there. Should I wait?
No.
My courage is already failing me, drying up like a dammed river and I slowly back out of the room, sort of afraid he’s going to simply appear now that I’ve chickened out.
I go back to my room. Paris is gone thankfully. The closet door is still open and the whole place smells of the new clothes. I look at them again, draped on their hangers like specters, some of them wrapped in plastic, and am suddenly filled with anger. Did Paris think that this would make me fall to the floor in front of him and spread my legs? He definitely did. Fuck him and fuck all these expensive things that smell funny and feel awful.
I bundle up all the clothes, tearing them from the rail.
Then I notice the shoes in neat rows on the floor beneath. Each pair of heels is at least four inches high. HeknowsI can’t walk in shoes like that.
Even more incensed, I stomp across the room, and I throw the clothes into the hallway. Then I grab all the shoes I can fit in my arms, and I throw them out too.
I look up at the camera.
‘I hope you’re watching right now, asshole.’ I don’t know if it even has audio, so I stick up both my middle fingers for good measure, staring into the tiny lens as I go back into the closet and close the door.
I sit in the dark, letting my mind go blank. It's quiet and my mind stops running at a hundred miles a minute. I draw my knees to my chest and hug them tightly, resting my head on them. I'm aware of a pulsing between my thighs, the same feeling I had before. Is this Vic or all of them fucking with me too, making me want them? Or are they trying to make me decide sooner?
My fingers move into my pants and between my legs. My breath stutters as I touch myself, but all it does is fan the flames. It's not enough. With a cry, I pull my hand away, standing and pacing the tiny room. I have so much energy and I don't know what to do with it.
Maybe I should go down to the pool … nope don’t have a suit and the mere idea of going back into the hallway to pick through the clothes Paris bought makes my blood boil. I'll be fucking damned if I’m going to do that. But I can wear what I have on now in the gym. I can just pedal on a bike until I have no energy left.
Maybe then I'll be able to sleep tonight without writhing around and wishing one of them would come to relieve the ache.
I leave the closet, flinging the door open and wading through the pile of clothes in the corridor as if they aren’t even there. I run down the stairs, trying to escape this arousal that's inside of me, this need my body has all of a sudden.
‘Fucking incubi,’ I mutter.
Fuck them and their games. I'm not going to let them win.
18
SIE
I’ve been in my room for hours. I can’t relax, just keep tossing and turning on my bed. I throw on some clothes and head down to the gym. Maybe I can work out the tension that way.
I start pummeling the pads as soon as I get in there. Korban was in here recently, but he’s not now. Maybe he's been doing the same thing I am.
A half an hour in, I hear the door open. I assume it's Kor, but I don't bother to make sure. When I don't hear any movement, I stop working over the pad and turn to look.
