Page 11 of Soul of Shadow
“What?” Charlie asked.
“It’s just…” Abigail said. “I mean…”
“You don’t put yourself out there,” Lou jumped in. And once she started, it was as if she couldn’t stop. As if she’d wanted tosay these words for a long time. “You don’t date. You don’t have crushes. You never talk about liking any boy or girl—or anyone, for that matter. And this isn’t some lifelong thing, Charles. It’s recent. For most of our friendship, you were always the one to chase boys around the playground, or spend hours scrolling through their Instagrams and TikToks, or write ridiculous notes that you never sent.… You werewildabout having a crush. But ever since…”
She trailed off, but Charlie knew what she was going to say.Ever since Sophie died.
A lump rose at the back of her throat. That was what it came down to, wasn’t it? What everything came down to.
Once upon a time, Lou never had to tell Charlie to put herself out there. Once upon a time, she and Lou were the adventurous ones, coming up with sometimes dangerous and always ridiculous plans for the three of them, like biking to the beach in the middle of the night or sneaking into Old Man Willer’s backyard to see if the rumors about his dead-rabbit collection were true (they weren’t), while Sophie was their quiet but steady backup, always along for the ride but never leading the way. Charlie was outgoing, the first to make a new friend or chase the boys around the schoolyard. Once, in first grade, Mason even had to pull her aside and tell her that it wasn’t acceptable to grab boys at the top of the slide and force them to kiss her.
“Because then I’ll have to punch them,” said second-grade Mason. “And it will be your fault when I get detention.”
Sophie never got those lectures from Mason. She was the good kid, the delicate wallflower, the one who never made waves. The single exception to that rule was the time thatMason switched out their shampoo for purple hair dye. Instead of getting angry, Sophie had absolutely loved it.
“It makes me look like a princess,” she said, studying her reflection in the mirror on their vanity.
“Lucky you,” Charlie had said, pulling at her own purple locks. “I look like a dinosaur.”
Sophie had squinted at her twin in the mirror. “You know we’re identical, right?”
“Nuh-uh.” Charlie pointed at the beauty mark just above her lip. “You don’t have Clyde.” (She had named her beauty mark Clyde.)
Charlie remembered so clearly the day that Sophie had showed up to school with purple hair. Everyone had stared.Sophie Hudson?They whispered.The quiet one? Really?That day, Charlie and Lou had walked beside Sophie like twin bodyguards, ready to pounce on anyone who said a word.
Looking back, Charlie thought that maybe Sophie hadn’t needed them at all. She seemed so serene that day, as if she had finally found her true self.
After she died, Lou and Charlie began to change. To split into different directions. Charlie retreated into herself; Lou burst out of herself. Charlie took to sitting on the sidelines; Lou became even louder, even funnier, even more willing to dive headfirst into trouble. Charlie let herself be dragged along for Lou’s adventures, but she went the way a petal floats downriver: without resistance, but without any excitement, either. At the mercy of the tide.
It was as if, in losing Sophie, Charlie took on some of her twin sister’s personality. As if, by emulating her, she could somehow preserve her memory.
Swallowing down the lump in her throat, Charlie said, “I don’t know what to tell you: dating just isn’t for me.”
Lou narrowed her eyes. Before her best friend could launch into a further interrogation, Charlie looked away. Back at the crowd of seniors, her gaze landing on Elias.
Who was already looking at her.
The breath caught in her throat.
Mason was talking to him, and Elias nodded vaguely at whatever her brother was saying, but his attention was directly, unabashedly on her, his mouth curved up into a little knowing smile. And then, quick as the wing of a hummingbird, he winked.
“Hello?” Lou waved a freckled hand in front of Charlie’s face, startling her out of her staring contest. “Did you even hear what I asked?”
“Did I—” Charlie glanced at Abigail, who offered no clarification.Crap.“Yes?”
“Yes, you heard, or yes, you’ll do it?” Lou asked.
“Yes, I’ll do it,” said Charlie, having no idea what she was agreeing to.
“Great.” Lou clapped once, exchanging a grin with Abigail. “Then it’s decided. We each have a homecoming date by Thursday’s end.”
“Wait.” Panic rose in Charlie’s chest. “What?” She tried to chase after them, but her friends were already on their way toward the school’s front doors, decision made, heads held high.
6
The Silver Shores High cafeteria looked more like a grand dining room than a place where students ate mini pizzas and Salisbury steak. Gold trim ran along the ceiling. A fireplace loomed large and unlit in one corner. Portraits of the school’s founders hung on the walls. And massive windows let light stream inside, spilling over the hardwood tables.
But to Charlie, it was just where she ate lunch.
