Page 44 of Fear the Flames
“Cayden?” Someone clears their throat near the edge of the target circle. My cheeks burn at the position we’ve been found in. The servants probably began spreading all kinds of gossip last night after Ryder found Hyacinth and told her I’d be staying with Cayden. He reaches a hand down to help me up, but I’m already pushing myself to my feet before walking in the opposite direction to collect my knives from the targets.
I turn back toward the pair after securing my knives and retying the cloak around my neck. I should have figured it was Ryder; only he and Saskia call Cayden by his name. Ryder nods at me in acknowledgment, and I offer him a small smile. Cayden’s brows crease while he looks over the letter Ryder handed him.
“I’ll head there after I walk Elowen back to the castle,” Cayden says while folding the letter and tucking it into his back pocket.
“You’re going to the border?” I ask.
“Nothing gets past you, does it?” Cayden quips.
I smirk because rarely anything does. “I can get back to the castle, you said the border is through Ladislava; we’ll be going in opposite directions.”
“I have to get some stuff from my room before leaving.”
“You do?” Ryder’s dark brows shoot up. “What kind of stuff?”
“Stuff,” Cayden states, pressing a hand into my back and guiding us past Ryder.
“Bye, Ryder!” I call out over my shoulder.
“I’ll be around later,” he answers me. “Don’t do anything stupid,” he says to Cayden.
“I’ll carry myself as I always do,” Cayden responds.
“That offers me no sense of comfort whatsoever,” Ryder replies dryly.
Cayden ignores his comment, “Make sure you have some of the soldiers try to beat Elowen’s time on the targets.”
“You timed me?” My brows scrunch together.
“23 seconds!” Cayden shouts.
“For ten targets?” Ryder’s astonished voice cuts across the grass.
“All perfect throws!” Cayden tacks on.
The question itches at my throat so much that I can’t help but ask, “Do you think any of them will beat me?”
“Not a chance,” he smirks down at me. “In fact, I would bet on you ten times over. I’ve been lucky with my bets recently.”
I shove him in the side when he brings up the bet. “You’re insufferable,” I say with a smile on my face.
ChapterTwenty-One
It’s been a week since Cayden left—no letters, no updates, just dead silence. Ryder installed a deadbolt on either side of the door that conjoins our rooms so that guards don’t have to stand in front of Cayden’s door while he’s not here. His absence has been filled with politics, which I might like more if the meetings didn’t take all day. Sitting still for an entire day is unnatural to me. The only thing that keeps me sane is that I always sit with Saskia, Ryder, or Finnian. But never Saskia or Ryder at the same time because they switch off and travel to wherever Cayden is. Ailliard usually takes the lead when it comes to discussing Aestilian and listing terms for the formal alliance treaty.
He apologized the same day we fought by preparing dinner for him, Finnian, and myself in one of the sitting rooms. I heard his reasons for reacting the way he did, even though they were a repetition of what he said when I first told him about the alliance. He has the option of leaving if being here is too much for him, but he hasn’t taken it. Since that night, I’ve noticed a positive change in his behavior reflected in how he conducts the political meetings and dinners on behalf of Aestilian. One of which we’re currently at. I’m seated between him and Saskia while I push the roast around my plate.
There are more important things to discuss than his opinion of me. I’ve never pretended to be good; the world has never given me the opportunity to be just that. But the blood that stains my hands is there for a reason. My soul may be corrupt, but I’m far from evil. I won’t make apologies for craving revenge when those that manufactured my rage have never shown remorse for their actions.
My mind keeps straying to Cayden no matter how much I force it to stay in the present situation. I wish he would write to me, or Saskia would tell me what he’s doing. He said he usually spends a lot of time at the border, but I didn’t think it would cut contact between the two of us or that I wouldn’t be there with him. I’m close to my wit’s end with men giving me unsolicited advice and prodding me for more details about Aestilian. I won’t betray my people for the sake of appeasing these advisors. The conversation flurries around me, but I’m content to just keep my mouth shut to everyone other than Saskia and Ailliard. Finnian is on Ailliard’s other side, so I can’t make conversation with him right now.
“Do you not like the food? We can sneak off to the kitchens after this,” Saskia mutters through the corner of her mouth. I didn’t realize she was paying attention, but she never misses much.
“It’s fine. I’m not very hungry. However, I won’t mind sneaking off after another few minutes of this,” I answer.
My anxiety has been perturbing my appetite. It’s always hard for me to eat when I’mthisanxious. Everything I shove down just feels like it’s going to come right back up. Being here without Cayden makes me feel stagnant. We can’t plan the heist if we aren’t talking. I know we’re making progress with the food supply that’s being sent home, but I feel like I’m grasping at time and it’s slipping through my fingers. I’ve waited so long to get back to my dragons, then it felt like it was finally happening, and now everything is just standing still.
I’m coming, I think to myself while staring into the fire that roars in the hearth,I didn’t abandon you.My eyes slip shut, but rather than being greeted with the familiar darkness, a pair of orange irises are looking back at me. There’s pain in those eyes, so much pain, and anger. It hurts to gaze into them, but I can’t look away. My palms grip the oak chair.I’m coming for you,I think to myself again. The pupils dilate before flaring in intensity. I gasp and snap my eyes open. When I blink, the orange irises are gone.
