Page 69 of Fear the Flames
“I know,” I say while detaching myself from him so I can look into his face. “I must be hard to stay mad at.”
He breaks out into a smile and wipes the corners of his eyes before guilt overtakes his expression again. My momentary smile also falls as I lead him over to the seating area. I sink into the couch and crisscross my legs. My hands already feel twitchy with anxiety, so I pull the lavender throw pillow onto my lap and flick the tassels around while I wait for Finnian to talk.
He taps his hands against the arms of the chair he occupies before resting his elbows on his knees. “I never should have left you.”
“You’ve never stormed out on me,” my fingers tug harder on the tassels, “we don’t run from each other.”
“I know. I just….” Finnian rubs his hands over his face before his bloodshot eyes find mine again. “You must know that the thought of losing you to all of this,” he gestures to the tent, but I know he means more, “It terrifies me. I lost my family to violence—every single one of them.” His eyes look like a tormented sea. He hardly ever talks about his family, and it makes me want to rush over and wrap my arms around him. But I know how hard it is for him to get these words out, and I don’t want to interrupt. “I used to pray for my family to come back to me, and I think they did in some form because I met you,” his voice cracks on the last word, and his throat bobs. “You’re the sister I prayed to the gods for.”
My eyes fill with hot tears that soon break free and fall down my face in silent streams. I don’t cry often, but Finnian’s words and presence pull on my heartstrings. He knows I understand the motives behind his anger, it was taken out in an irrational form, but his feelings will always be valid. I don’t need to tell him something he already knows, so instead, I meet his pleading eyes over the space between us.
“You’re my brother,” I whisper, and something hammers in my chest when he smiles through his tears. He reaches out a hand, and I stretch mine to meet him halfway, giving it a tight squeeze before we pull apart.
He clears his throat. “I should never have left you; you don’t need to try to reason it to make me feel better like you always do—it’s just a fact. You’re my best friend, but you’re also my queen, and I didn’t prioritize your safety. It’s something I haven’t stopped feeling guilty about since I got back to the castle that night. When Ryder found me and told me what happened, I tried to come to the house to see you, but he told me to stay away until you expressed your wishes.”
“Ryder found you?” I inquire.
“Vareveth soldiers escorted me to the castle, but he found me later that night after Cayden got to the house you were staying at. He figured you’d want Ailliard and me to find out before the rest of Vareveth. He also grilled me for any information I had and for leaving you at the tavern.” I knew someone told Finnian and Ailliard while I was passed out, but I didn’t picture it being Ryder. Being interrogated by Ryder or Cayden would be like staring certain death in the face.
“I wanted to find you when I got back to the castle, but you got sucked into an advisor meeting, and I ended up here,” I gesture around the tent.
His eyes light up. “Ah,here. Yes, it’s rather cozy here, isn’t it? I think somebody’s paying attention.”
“Stop!” I hold a hand up and halt his love of gossip in its tracks. “There’s something I need to tell you before we finish this conversation.” My hands are sweating so much that the tassels I continue to pull on have dampened. Finnian stiffens in his chair but keeps an open expression, encouraging me to go on. “I’m getting my dragons back.” I should feel more anxious after saying those words aloud, but I actually feel like a weight has been lifted off of me.
Finnian blows out a breath, and the tapping of his foot is silenced by the carpet. “How?”
“The plans still aren’t finalized, but Cayden and I will be infiltrating the castle.”
“You’re going into Imirath?” His blue eyes are laced with terror.
“I have to,” I say in an even tone, “I won’t send someone else to do the dirty work if I’m not brave enough to do it.”
“I hate when you get noble,” he mutters, resting his head in his hands. He slowly breathes in and out a few times before shooting out of his chair.
“Finn—”
He cuts me off with a shake of his head and gets down on one knee in front of me, taking my hand in his and meeting my eyes. “You have my bow and my unyielding loyalty from this moment until my last, both as my queen and my best friend. I’ll do anything I can to help you with this.” His eyes are filled with unquestionable promise, and I can’t hold myself back from wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him close. “I’m sorry I didn’t hold myself to this oath from the moment we left Aestilian, but I’m here now.” His arms tighten around me to emphasize his point. I can’t form the words for how grateful I am to have him here, with no secrets between us.
“Who knew you were so poetic?” I detach myself from him to dry my eyes. He looks relieved at the sound of my joke.
An easy smile forms on his face, and his stiff shoulders relax. “I thought an oath would really end with a bang.”
I laugh and shove his shoulder hard enough that he falls back on the carpet. He shoots me a mock death glare before draping himself across the chair in a much more Finnian-like position than when he first sat down.
“How did you get here?” I ask.
“Your guard dog found me, and may I add that he’s far grumpier when you’re not around,” he jests.
I ignore the guard dog comment. “Cayden brought you here?”
“He also said I had twenty minutes tofix my fuck upand that he wouldmake me regret itif I made this worse.” He uses air quotes around Cayden’s words. I roll my eyes and stifle a laugh—overprotective prick. “Did something happen?” Finnian raises a brow as a suggestive smirk forms on his lips.
“No!” I shoot out a little too quickly.
He purses his lips and nods his head while gesturing from my room to Cayden’s. “Close quarters, wouldn’t you agree?”
“He’s attractive, but it’s not like I can’t handle myself. I’ve seen attractive people before,” I try to end this conversation. If Finnian knows Cayden and I kissed, he’ll never stop analyzing Cayden’s every move while he’s around me. I think Finnian likes making up scenarios more than I do, and I make them up before I fall asleep every night.
