Page 11 of Saddle Studs
That same protective instinct from years ago flared up inside me. Who hurt him? And why did I still care so fucking much? Years ago, it was Sam who’d hurt me, and no one else was around to protect my heart. Why was I so eager to jump into the fray and fight for Sam?
Because I’m not a damned asshole.
And because I still care about him.
“Totally fine,” I said. I slapped my thighs and stood back up on my feet. I wasn’t about to push anything. If Sam wasn’t ready to tell me what he was running from, then I’d give him the space and time to come to me. And if he didn’t, that’d be fine too. Not like we were still best friends or anything. Sam was here for a finite amount of time before he’d be gone again, to go live his big city-boy life miles and miles away from me.
Hopefully this departure would include fewer tears and less angst than the last one.
“Let’s keep going with the tour, then?”
“Sounds good to me.” Sam took another long look out the window before turning and walking out of the bedroom. I followed behind him, needing to squeeze past him in the hall. It put us close enough together that I got a strong whiff of his cologne. It was a little fruity and flowery, and hit some kind of neurological button that pushed me over into caveman territory.
“So, where’s the rest of the fam?” Sam asked as we walked out the back door and onto a smooth path that led toward the stables. Midnight Dream, a raven black mare who recently joined the ranch, grazed closest to the fence, her long inky-dark mane falling like silk down her neck.
“Boone went into town for some supplies with Wylie, his new boo. You’ll meet him when they get back. You also have to meet Sky, they’re Beau and Pris’ partner. I’m not sure where Billie ran off to.”
“Oh wow, so I take it everyone’s been doing good?”
Yes, and you would have known that if you stuck around.
I swallowed my bitter little quip. “Yup,” I said. “Everyone’s been good.”
“And how about you?”
Gravel crunched underneath my boots. My cowboy hat helped shade my eyes from some of the sun, but it also helped me avoid Sam’s gaze. “I’ve been doing alright,” I answered honestly. “Been stuck in a bit of a rut lately. Feel like it’s the same routine every day. Wake up, make breakfast, muck stables, feed horses, lunch, nap, clean the ranch, make dinner, go to bed. Rinse and repeat.”
“I thought you always enjoyed the routine?”
“I did, and I do. I just need something to work toward, and I feel like I’ve kind of lost that.”
“Are you still racing?”
I shook my head, that dream and passion having fizzled out over the years. “Nope, not recently. I dunno, I think the spark just kinda vanished for me.”
“Really? Any particular reason why?”
“No,” I said, glancing at Sam before I forced myself to look away. “Can’t think of any one reason.”
I could actually think of a few different reasons. My anxiety over losing a race for one, my lack of drive to get things done for two. And my aversion to taking risks, which seemed to have developed after getting my heart broken and crushed by none other than?—
“Sam!” It was my sister, Billie. She popped up at just the right time. I needed someone to come and rescue me from this awkward situation.
With Billie joining us, I continued our tour of the ranch, introducing Sam to all the horses and the crow I had rescued.
By the end of the tour, the awkwardness had started to diminish, but that only left room for other thoughts. And these thoughts were ones I couldn’t entertain. Not if I wanted to keep my sanity or my heart intact.
5
SAM
God,it felt weird being back.
It also felt like I never left, and a lot of that had to do with how easy it was to fall back into a friendship with Benny. From the jump, we slipped into the comfortable and silly banter that had always existed between us. I’d been genuinely worried that our friendship was irreparably ruined—by me, nonetheless. But what Benny and I had, whatever it was, appeared to be made out of solid iron.
“How was your trip here?” Benny asked as I followed him out of the house and into the fields out back. The kitchen window was wide open, which allowed the mouth-watering scents of Boone’s sweet buns to drift out on the gentle breeze.
“It was pretty chill. Flight wasn’t bad. My Uber driver here was very talkative, though. Had alotof thoughts about the new mayor.”
