Page 23 of Saddle Studs
“Right, question. I was just going to ask—and again, don’t answer if it’s invasive or anything—if you still consider yourself straight, or have you discovered other parts of yourself?”
Discovered other parts of myself… what a good way of putting it.
I leaned against the tree, looking at the ripples of light reflected on the slow-moving stream.
“Sorry. Like I said, you don’t have to answer.”
I shook my head, straightened my shoulders. “Don’t apologize. It’s not that I don’twantto answer you. It’s just that, I don’t know. I guess Ican’tanswer you. Not right now.” A woodpecker drilled into a nearby tree, its beak carving out a rhythmic beat against the trunk. “I guess, yes, I do consider myself straight. I’ve only ever had girlfriends, I not only enjoy them physically, but emotionally as well. I’ve never felt the need to really explore anything else.”
“Totally fair. I was just wondering.”
I looked up and spotted the woodpecker, its bright red hood flashing like a determined little hammer. “But that has been changing.”
“Oh?”
“Maybe not even changing. I can’t put it into words, but I think what you just said,exploringparts of myself, really makes sense to me. Because there’s pieces of my being, of my wants and desires, that I’ve workedreallyfucking hard to ignore. Like a map covered in fog. It’s not that I’m changing, or that I’m turning into someone different, but I’m discovering the unexplored parts of me.”
Benny kicked a rock at his feet. It made a splash in the creek. “Exactly. I think a lot of people are scared to even acknowledgecertain things. They just leave the map covered in fog. But how sad of a life is that? How much of life are those people missing out on?”
“I’m thinking quite a lot.”
“A hundred percent. Even me, who decided to stay here and make my life in Oklahoma, I’m still going to be damn sure I explore every inch of the map inside me.”
“Every inch, huh?” I asked, teasing him.
“Every single inch.” He shot me a wink. A lick of flame lapped at the base of my spine.
“I think coming back to Rainbow Ranch is going to help me with my own exploration,” I said. “This really all does feel like it was meant to be.”
“The ranch does have that kind of magic to it, doesn’t it?”
I nodded, smiling at the warmth blooming in my chest. “It always did. I thought I had to run away to find myself, but maybe all I had to do was come back home.”
Benny turned his head and looked at me. The sun made his skin glow.
God, I wanted to kiss that cowboy.
I broke the silence with words before I did it with actions. “Thanks for letting me talk through things with you today. It feels good. I’ve missed having your advice.”
Benny waved a dismissive hand in the air. “It’s nothing. I’ll send you an invoice later tonight.”
“Can you just dock it from my paycheck?”
“Oh, bless your heart. You’re not getting paid.”
My jaw dropped. “I’ve been working for free this entire week?!”
“Well, food and board.”
I arched a brow. “Do I get anything else?” My tone was suggestive.
Benny narrowed his gaze. He was trying to figure out where I was headed with this. Good. I loved keeping him on his toes. He cocked his head and smirked.
“Not even healthcare benefits.”
I blinked a couple of times before cracking up. “Damn, it’s rough out here.” I turned and looked at the crystal-clear water flowing over a bed of multicolored rocks. It looked so peaceful, but beyond that, it also looked refreshingas fuck.I realized how dirty my pants were, how damp my shirt was, how rough my hands looked.
Maybe it was time for a little break…
