Page 28 of Saddle Studs
BENNY
Pa used to say,“Regrets are like cold sores. Sometimes they don’t appear until months after you’ve acquired them.” That saying of his usually got a raised brow and a playful chest slap from Ma. I always thought it was a funny comparison to make, and a pretty damn accurate one.
Except Pa was wrong. Regret often hit me much faster. In fact, the regret I was feeling over hooking up with Sam only took about a week to appear.
It hit me as I brushed out Juniper June’s silky black mane. I stood out on the pasture, basking under the spring sunlight, trying my hardest to ignore a shirtless Sam working across the field. He looked so damn sexy, even though he was currently using a hand harrow to break up the horse manure scattered around the pasture. Likely one of the most unattractive jobs in the world, and yet he had me sneaking glances his way every chance I got.
It was in that moment that I realized I was truly and utterly fucked.
I was back to secretly drooling over my good (and presumably straight until proven otherwise) friend. Just like old times.
You know, back when I got my heart crushed and curb-stomped and shredded and incinerated. Yeah,thoseold times.
This was the definition of déjà vu. The universe was raising the alarms deep down in my subconscious, telling meHun, you’ve lived through this before. Don’t fall into the same trap.
Sam’s back was to me, his shoulders rippling as he hacked away at the dung piles. His jeans sat low on his hips. A dusting of dark brown hair trailed down underneath the waistband.
Yeah. I needed to get back inside and drink a tall glass of ice-cold water. This was a bad road to travel down. Sam, bless his heart, had been open as hell with me, telling me how he was still on a journey of discovery. That was leaps and leagues beyond how teenage Sam would have reacted if I asked him the same question then. It showed clear growth and maturity, all good signs.
But the fact of the matter was he still hadn’t figured things out. And that was dangerous territory to tread, considering our history. The afternoon we spent in Bennam Creek had been an afternoon made of gold and honey, pure heaven, and that scared the absolute tits off me.
I finished brushing the last bit of Juniper’s mane and fed her an apple. She crunched greedily on the treat and gave me an appreciative whinny. I gave her a kiss on the side of her head, her white and black speckled coat shining in the sunlight. Juniper was one of my favorite horses, the one I’d ride during our rodeos and would take out to barrel races. She was the sweetest powerhouse, and had been Ma’s favorite horse on the ranch.
“I’ll be back later, girl.” I gave her shoulder a rub and turned before Sam’s sweat-beaded back could hypnotize me even further. I walked down the daisy-lined trail, back to the house.The teenage volunteers spent last weekend going around and beautifying the ranch, planting new flowers that would bloom and thrive during the upcoming summer months. I could see movement in the kitchen. It seemed like Billie was munching down on something, her back turned to the window.
I got back into the house, taking off my hat and hanging it on the hook next to the door. I kicked off my boots and lined them up neatly beneath it.
“Howdy, Bills,” I said as I entered the kitchen. Billie took the last few bites of her yogurt, licking the spoon and waving it at me.
“Benns, how’s the day been treating you?”
“Alright. Finished most of what I needed to get done, so that’s good. Still want to try and work on some desensitization things with Noodles. Wylie’s done such a great job with him already, but he’s still skittish around random things. Don’t let Noodles see you with a hose, because he’ll lose his fucking mind.”
Billie chuckled. She threw away her yogurt and took the spoon to the sink where she washed it. “Are you going to be line dancing later?”
“Oh, dang. That’s today, ain’t it?”
“Sure is. Beau’s really excited about it. He wants to open up the lessons every Wednesday for anyone who wants to come.”
“That’d be nice. And it’d bring more people to the ranch.”
“Plus, line dancing is always fun.”
“It is,” I said, going over to one of the cupboards and grabbing a clean glass. The loud clatter of ice clinking into my cup briefly cut off our conversation.
“Think Sam’s going to join?” Billie asked innocently enough.
“He mentioned wanting to learn when I brought it up to him last week. So probably?”
My sister had a Spidey sense for topics that were difficult for me to bring up but necessary to talk about. “How’s it going between you two, anyway? It doesn’t seem like it’s been awkward. I reckon it seems like it’s been quite the opposite.”
I chugged an icy cold gulp of water.
“Bills…” I sighed, setting the cup down. “It’s going well. Which is the problem.”
Billie leaned her elbows against the counter, head tilted like she was watching a particularly slow, particularly stupid horse try to jump a fence. “You like him.”
“I didn’t say that.”
