Page 13 of The Life Experiment
The contents of that room are far too precious to be handled willy-nilly by someone so reckless, Gilly would scold whenever she caught Angus inside, usually when Peter was away on business.Go play elsewhere.
For the most part, Angus obeyed the ‘stay out’ rule. But on his more rebellious days, sneaking into the room that smelled like Peter and curling up in an armchair with a book was the closest Angus felt to being at peace.
When the office door was closed behind them, Peter led Angus to the window. Side by side, the pair observed life on the other side of the glass. The garden seemed alive. Four of Angus’s schoolfriends lay on the grass, watching a drunk member of the party try to do a handstand. At the main table, Gilly was entertaining her audience with another carefully constructed story. Over by the oak tree, Jasper was doing the same. Two expert hosts, two larger-than-life personalities.
Two people who fit in exactly where Angus didn’t.
‘Clarissa’s looking well,’ Peter commented, taking a bottle of whisky from his desk. He poured two generous glasses. ‘Your mother would be happy if you pursued her.’
Accepting the drink, Angus stayed silent. In the distance, Clarissa chugged her champagne, held the empty flute in the air, then whispered suggestively in Jasper’s ear.
‘I, on the other hand…’
From the corner of his eye, Angus caught his father’s dubious expression. The pair exchanged a smile.
Peter took a long drink before facing his son. There was a mistiness to his eyes that Angus had never seen before, and for one terrifying moment he thought his father was going to cry.
‘This isn’t real, you know,’ Peter said. ‘This party, this life… it isn’t real.’
It took Angus a moment to process the words. Another passed before he could speak. ‘What do you mean?’
Turning back to the window, Peter absorbed the scene before him. ‘When I met your mother, she was unlike anyone I knew. Opinionated and passionate, at times she verged on arrogant in her disdain for everything you see outside right now.’
‘Sorry, are we talking about Gilly Fairview-Whitley here? The woman who insists on throwing these god-awful parties?’
Peter let out a sad chuckle. ‘Believe it or not, yes. We both grew up in this world, but we didn’t relish it. Not like the others. Once, your mother would have laughed at today and called it a charade. She would probably have stolen a bottle of brandy and hidden in the woods until her parents called a search party to find her.’
Angus raised his eyebrows. ‘Mymother did that?’
‘Yes. You’re not the only one with a talent for going rogue after a few drinks, let me assure you.’
Angus studied Gilly, taking in her perfectly styled hair and the neat scarf tied around her neck. He searched for a sign of the person his father was describing, but all he could see was the same buttoned-up soul he’d always known.
When Angus looked back, Peter’s face was clouded with sadness. ‘This life can consume you, if you let it. Who has the latest car, who went where on holiday, who makes the most money. It’s a competition you’re signed up for at birth, and it’s exhausting.’
Suddenly, Angus’s own exhaustion seeped into his bones, making everything seem so heavy, so pointless.
‘After what happened to Hugo…’
As his father trailed off, Angus’s throat tightened. Hugo wasn’t mentioned within these walls. Ever. Sometimes, Angus liked it that way. It was easier to push away the hurt of losing someone you loved when you weren’t allowed to talk about it.
But even if his name wasn’t mentioned, Hugo was always there. He was the big-brother-shaped stick Angus measured himself against. His shadow covered everything Angus did, reminding Angus of everything he could never be.
‘I shoulder the blame for how things turned out,’ Peter said. ‘Things happened in our family that changed us forever, but it’s more than that. When your mother and I married, I insisted we host the parties and dinners and grow our connections like my parents had. I never realised the expectation I placed on Gilly, but this world is hard. You either fit in or you’re cast out. How else was she meant to survive?’ Suddenly, Peter turned to Angus. ‘Angus, you remind me so much of your mother, it’s scary. I see the way you sit at these tables, wishing you were anywhere else. I see the way you don’t belong.’
Angus flinched, the casual delivery of his failure a knife to the chest, but Peter shook his head.
‘I mean that as a compliment, believe me. I’ve watched you today. You’re here, but you’re nothere. I know this life might not be what you want, but I also suspect you don’t know what you do want. That’s just as dangerous. Things might not have worked out as you’d hoped in the past, but don’t let one bad investment keep you down. Put it behind you and look to your future.’
‘What future?’ Angus heard himself mutter.
‘That’s for you to decide, son, but you can’t tread water forever or one day you’ll wake up a lonely old man full of regrets. You have all options open to you. All the support a person could ask for, but what you’re doing now? Angus, it’s no life. You’re miserable, I can see it.’
Softening, Angus absorbed his father’s words. Peter Fairview-Whitley was always an engaging conversationalist, but he had never spokento Angus like this before – so plainly, so openly, so full of love. For Angus, life simply wasn’t the same as it had been five minutes ago.
Angus opened his mouth to respond, but at that moment his phone rang.
‘Sorry,’ he said, fumbling in his pocket for the device. When he saw Saira’s name on the screen, Angus’s stomach flipped. ‘I need to take this.’
