Page 15 of The Life Experiment
Earlier that morning, she had watched a woman with a baby try to get onto the tube, only to be pushed aside by people rushing to work.
Layla didn’t want to be one of those people, but as she watched Sinead discreetly dab her tears, she wondered if she already was.
Narrowing her eyes, Layla turned back to her laptop. She polished the briefing until it was good. Better than good. William would likely take the credit for the work, but Layla told herself it didn’t matter. What mattered was that she had done the job well.
But it does matter,her heart screamed.
If Layla’s work was never attributed to her, was it really hers?
If William was passing off her voice as his own, did Layla even have a voice within these prestigious walls?
As she wrestled with these questions, Layla’s phone buzzed. A photograph of her mum taken two Christmases ago filled the screen, and she fought the urge to sigh.
No matter how many times they had the conversation, Joanna never understood that a social call in the middle of the day wasn’t acceptable. Her shifts at the supermarket seemed to make her think that everybody’s working hours were malleable and subject to a rota. It often meant Layla missed her calls, then it was too late when she returned them.
‘Nine o’clock is midnight at my age, Layla,’ Joanna would say. ‘I’m in bed by then.’
But when else was Layla meant to call?
Eventually, Joanna’s call rang out. Moments later, a text came through.I forget how busy you are, it read.My little lawyer! Hopefully speak soon. Miss you xx
Cursing herself for reading the message, Layla let the last two words eat away at her until she could take it no more.Miss you too, she replied.
Turning her phone facedown, Layla tried to escape into her work, but now that the tentacles of her mother’s love were reaching for her, the comfort of personal statements and decisive language had lost its appeal.
Clicking her mouse a few times to appear as though she was busy, Layla allowed her thoughts to drift to her family. As always, whenever she thought of them, her chest hurt.
Casting her mind back, Layla tried to remember when she had last seen them. It was Joanna’s birthday, she realised. Back in May, when everyone was waiting for summer with bated breath. Now, with the imminent arrival of October, sunny weather was a distant memory.
How had Layla let so much time pass without seeing the people she loved?
As that reality sank in, Layla’s brain tortured her with the worst thought: Was she a stranger to her family now?
Sometimes it felt like it.
Layla had learned to accept it for what it was – her choice to leave had put her on the edge of Cannon family life. Now, she watched from afar. The photos of days out posted in the group chat, the events she heard about long after they happened, the in-jokes she wasn’t part of. Even when she was in the same room as them, she felt separate.
It’s your choice to be here,her brain reminded her. The statement wasn’t a lie, but that didn’t stop her mind wandering to what could have been had she stayed in Hull.
Every success, every moment Layla navigated on her own, was tainted with melancholy because her family weren’t there to share it with her. As she deepened her roots in London, she felt the roots of her hometown crack, sometimes snap. Guilt seeped into her exchanges. Loneliness became second nature.
‘I don’t want to be lonely anymore,’ Layla whispered before she could stop herself. Cheeks burning, she glanced around the office to see if anyone had heard her, but her colleagues’ eyes remained fixed on their screens.
Relief was quicky replaced by the familiar burn of shame.
However uncomfortable the experiment made her, Layla knew she had to do it. She couldn’t not. This was a turning point. The experimentwould give her an answer, and around that answer, she would craft a life.
Squaring her shoulders, Layla decided she was going to say yes to Saira. Then, in three days’ time, Layla Cannon would find out when she was going to die.
8Angus
Angus drummed his fingers on the arm of the chair, then on his knee, then the chair again. Nerves buzzed around his body. How else was he supposed to feel? In a few minutes, he might find out he was going to die next week, or that he was going to live forever. Angus couldn’t decide which thought tightened his chest more.
Last week, when Saira first told him the purpose of the experiment, Angus had laughed. His laughter died in his mouth when he realised she was serious.
‘Well… wow,’ was all Angus could reply in the end. Or, the only polite thing he could think to reply, anyway.
After mulling things over, Angus decided to accept his invitation to participate in the study and approach his result with an open mind. It wasn’t like there was anything else filling up his calendar. Nothing as intriguing as the experiment, at least.
