Page 5 of The Life Experiment
‘A cowardly way to live,’ he once heard his mother mutter, but Angus didn’t care if doing nothing made him a coward. Cowardice was better than failure. Sure, the empty days drove Angus insane, but what could he do? Figuring out what to do with your life at the age of thirty-four was embarrassing.
‘Your day?’ the woman prodded, when no answer was provided.
‘Oh, you know, this and that,’ Angus replied. ‘Head to the gym, catch up with friends. Chill.’
‘But it’s Wednesday,’ the woman pushed. ‘Don’t you have a job to go to?’
‘Not exactly. I mean, not in the traditional sense.’
The woman cocked her head. ‘What does that mean?’
Heat singed Angus’s cheeks. What was he supposed to say –It means fucking around aimlessly every day, killing time until I can fall asleep?
When the silence dragged on, the woman raised her eyebrows. Angus found himself wishing he had done more with his life. Anything. Even starting a business planning birthday parties for dogs.
Bored, the woman walked through to the bedroom. Angus followed. He found her scooping her belongings from the floor. Plucking her skimpy dress from the pile, she shimmied it over her head. Without the club atmosphere and alcohol, the dress looked more tacky than enticing.
Suddenly, the woman met Angus’s gaze. ‘A few friends are heading to the Cotswolds this weekend, if you fancy it,’ she said. Even if Angus’s lack of drive was unattractive, he was still rich. ‘Think skinny dipping in an indoor pool, cocktails by a fire, that kind of thing.’
‘Sounds good, but I can’t this weekend,’ Angus replied.
‘Oh?’ The woman looked at Angus expectantly, waiting for a reason, but he said no more. He’d never been one to come up with excuses or spare people’s feelings. He simply said yes, or he said no. Either way, people listened.
When the silence verged on awkward, the woman hooked the straps of her high heels through her fingers. Approaching Angus, she angled her face towards him. ‘This was fun. We should do it again sometime.’
‘Sure,’ Angus replied. As the woman’s face erupted into a smile, he panicked. He meant another casual hook-up. She knew that, right?
Angus didn’t have long to worry about that, though, because the woman grabbed the back of his head and pulled him in for a kiss. The pressure was wrong, more desperate than passionate, and both could have used a toothbrush. Still, Angus reciprocated the gesture.
Eventually, the woman pulled away, breathless and grinning. Angus took it as his cue to walk her to the door. ‘See you soon, Angus Fairview-Whitley,’ she chimed.
Realising he couldn’t remember her name, Angus waved goodbye and watched the woman slink into the lift. She blew him a kiss, the doors closed, then she was gone.
Briskly, he shut the door of his twenty-seventh-floor haven, trying not to think about how little connection he had to the outside world.For a moment, he debated making a coffee, but caffeine meant waking up properly, and that would mean more of the day to fill.
Sloping back to his bedroom, Angus flopped onto the unmade super king. The faint odours of sex and perfume lingered on the sheets, but Jinny would be here at twelve to clean it away. By tonight, Angus would slip into bed and find no trace of the woman he had spent the night with. He would fall asleep how he spent his days – alone.
When a yawn bubbled up Angus’s throat, he glanced at the time. It was barely 8 am. What to do?
What todo?
He could go to the gym early, he supposed, but at this time it would be busy. What if he couldn’t use the machines he liked?
He could cook. Sort dinners for the week or try out recipes he’d learned when he last visited Japan. Cooking was Angus’s favourite way to de-stress, something he craved now the startup failure was on his mind again. But cooking in the morning meant he would have nothing to do in the evening. It only delayed his boredom.
Maybe he could go out for breakfast instead, but who with? Angus’s closest friends were probably still asleep, and he couldn’t goalone. Imagine if someone saw him.
Angus sighed. Once, living like this had been fun. Growing up in a house with no rules or limits was freeing. Impromptu shopping trip? Take Father’s card. A last-minute holiday? Where to, and how long for? Studying was for those who needed a job. Consequences were for those who didn’t have connections in high places to smooth things over. Angus knew his privilege, and he enjoyed the fruits of it – until he realised how hollow the fruits were.
Memories of parties and puppy love swept through Angus. The stately homes with endless bedrooms. The taste of fruit-scented lip gloss mingled with spirits stolen from parents’ alcohol collections. The names and faces seemed so transient now. Drunken moments that had promised happiness but delivered none.
Angus knew this wasn’t something he could ever say out loud. After all, how could anyone feel sorry for him? But Angus didn’t want pity. He wanted… Whatdidhe want?
Anything. Anything but this.
Propping himself up on a pillow, Angus grabbed his phone. Plenty of notifications were waiting. Money might not buy happiness but it certainly bought friends, although Angus suspected his definition of ‘friend’ was more transactional than most.
Hitting Instagram, he learned he had gained a new follower request. Strange, given that his account was private. Someone clearly wanted to find him.
