Page 104 of Nothing Less than Magic
“In other words, that you could do better.”
“Don’t say it like that, Chelsea. That’s not what I meant.”
Except it’s exactly what he meant.
I return to that day at the gold mine museum, just before the bridge broke, and I died right before Knox saved me. Right before I returned to Planet Earth. He was saying something.
“You asked me the other day what I’m looking for after Sienna, whether I still want the picture of the life I’d imagined with her.I told you I still did. What I didn’t tell you, what I didn’t know until today, is that I want this.Magic.Nothing less than magic.”
At the time, his words were cryptic. But now they make sense.
I take Austin’s hand and squeeze it. “You were looking for magic.”
He chuckles again. “But there’s no such thing. No one knows that better than a divorce attorney.” He lifts his brows. “Or for that matter, a marriage counselor. But what we had, Chelsea, was good.”
“You mean good enough.”
“Why are you twisting my words?” he says. “I love you. I always have. And I always will. I merely got caught up in a moment of self-doubt. It’s over now.”
I start to respond, but he holds up his hand that he isn’t finished.
“I know I hurt you. I know I have a lot of making up to do. But I also believe I’ve proven that I’m up to the task.”
It’s true that he’s been by my side every day since the accident. Without him, I would’ve been even more lost than I am now. And I love him. I never stopped.
“Lolly says I was never near death after the accident,” I say, and I can see that he’s confused by the turn in the conversation. Even perturbed. He did just ask me to marry him, after all. But I’m getting to it. “Even so,” I continue, “I feel like a part of me died. I feel like a part of me was reborn, too. And what I learned is good isn’t enough. I want magic. Maybe you’re right, and magic is setting my expectations too high. But I’m willing to take that chance.”
His eyes are soft in the moonlight, and the way he’s looking at me makes my heart fold in half.
“Then magic will be our motto.” He holds me against him, and I can feel his heart beating in his chest. How easy it would be to stay this way forever.
“I’m sorry, Austin, I can’t accept your proposal.”
He pulls away and gently clasps my shoulders. “Come on, Chelsea, don’t punish me for one mistake. If you need more time for me to prove myself, then we’ll wait. But this is everything we always wanted.”
“That’s the thing; it’s not. At least not for me. There was a time when I thought it was, but now everything is different.” Which isn’t strictly the truth. I still want some of the same things I once thought he gave me. Security, safety, love, and happiness.
But I want magic, too.
“Don’t do this.” His voice breaks.
I reach out and trace his face with my finger, feeling like I know what I’m doing for the first time since I took that long elevator ride to the Top of the Mark. “You’re a good man, Austin. You, too, deserve nothing less than magic. And I hope with all my heart that you get it.”
The next day, I stop at the coffee place in the lobby of my office building, buy two coffees—one for me and one for Ronnie—bring them up to the second floor, and promptly quit.
“I’m going back to private practice,” I tell Ronnie. “Cancel whatever lectures we have scheduled.”
“Thank God.” She collapses on the sofa and splays her arms wide. “I’m taking a job in Seattle and didn’t know how to tell you.”
“Really? Because I planned to keep you on. That is, if you still wanted to be my assistant.”
“I don’t think you can afford me anymore.” Her entire face lights up. “McKenzie Scott hired me to help her give away her billions. Okay, a bit of an exaggeration. But she needs an assistant, and Barbara from TED Talks put in a good word for me. She knows her through mutual associates.” She waves her hand in the air. “Six degrees of separation and all that.”
Excitement radiates off her in waves. And for a few seconds, I remember what it was like to be her, to be filled with the promise of new possibilities, like a whole new life is waiting around the corner.
“Wow, it sounds like quite a job. Are you okay with leaving San Francisco?”
“God, yes. Don’t take this the wrong way, but I need a change in the worst way. I feel like nothing is happening for me here, like I’m standing still.”
