Page 110 of Sanctuary of the Shadow
“Why?”
“Because…” The Water Queen sighed. “Because I made him a promise.”
“Raith?”
She nodded. “After I captured him, it broke the trance of the compulsion. He was aware of everything he had done. Child, he feels great shame. He made me swear not to let you near him.”
“Why would he do that?” Harrow’s throat constricted painfully.
“I see now how wrong I was about him.” Darya’s gaze softened. “He is noble, and he loves you.”
“Then why doesn’t he want to see me?” To her dismay, a tear trickled from the corner of her eye. She was sick to death of crying. Sick of it. But circumstances kept coming, one after the next, that forced those tears to flow.
“He’s ashamed of what he did. He carries a great weight of regret.”
“I don’t care. I know it wasn’t his fault. I know he didn’t want to hurt me. I need to tell him this.”
“I know, daughter, but I must respect his wishes. He asked for my given word, and I gave it. Knowing how much weight a being like him puts behind a vow, I have no intention of breaking mine to him.”
“He has to know I don’t blame him for anything. He has to know that I love him.”
“And I give my vow to you, too, that I’ll tell him. Oh, and before you go,” Darya added, though Harrow had no intention of leaving so easily, “there’s one more thing you must know. I’m telling you this now so you can prepare yourself.”
“What? What are you talking about?”
“When I eventually succeed in embodying your wraith and when you finally reunite with him, it will be exactly as before in more ways than one. He’ll be transported to the South, and, as before, he’ll come into his new body with no memory of who or what he is.”
A pit opened in her stomach that seemed to suck everything left of her into it. “No…”
“Unfortunately, yes. There’s nothing I can do to prevent that. I will have to restore his memories for him to remember you. Unfortunately, it won’t be pleasant.”
“Why not?”
Darya’s mouth twisted. “His past is dark, Harrow. When I returned his memories the first time, it was a form of torture. I’m not proud of it now, but that’s the truth of it. He was forced to relive every pain he’d endured and caused others as if it happened anew, all compressed into the length of a single dream. And that’s exactly what he’ll have to endure again to regain his memories a second time.”
Harrow covered her mouth with a hand. That hand dropped back into her lap and twisted with the other. “Do you have to restore them at all? Wouldn’t he be happier not knowing what happened to him?”
“No. Just as before, he’ll retain his subconscious memories and will still feel great shame and guilt, only he’ll have no understanding of why. He needs to remember everything in order to heal. Even the worst parts.”
She was right, of course, though Harrow didn’t like the thought of Raith being tortured with this. He’d been tortured enough. “Can you give us a few days first? A week?”
“I don’t know, Harrow…”
“Just give us one week to be together without the memories haunting him. That way, I can show him how much I love him, and it’ll make it easier for him to accept the rest.”
The Water Queen’s expression softened. “I’ll give you one week, but I warn you, Harrow, even without his memory, he will need an explanation for what happened, or his feelings will haunt him.” Harrow nodded eagerly, and Darya’s gaze sharpened. “You have to tell him everything, no matter how unpleasant. Do you understand?”
She swallowed hard. “Okay.”
“In the meantime, remember the Water will guide you in all things. And don’t try to come here before I’ve finished. I’ll bar the gates with impenetrable magic, so don’t waste your time journeying here. When the time is right, the Water will tell you. Use your Goddess-given gifts as you were born to use them.”
“But—”
“Goodbye for now, daughter of the Water. May you live your life with all the glory you were destined for until fortune smiles upon me and grants me the gift of our next visit. Knowing you has been my greatest joy in many long years.”
“But—”
Darya threw Harrow out of the vision. With a gasp, she jerked back from the scrying bowl, back in her caravan, thousands of miles away from the Water Queen and the male she loved.
