Page 64 of Sanctuary of the Shadow
The urge to voice her feelings arose, and she gave into it without thought.
“I love this, Raith. I love yo—”
She choked. Her eyes snapped open.
“—it when you hold me like this,” she corrected, her stomach flipping over at how close she’d come to blurting out a declaration she wasn’t ready to make.
It’s too early,she told herself. No one could fall in love in five days.
She’d never been in love before. She’d had lovers—she was a confident woman with a healthy sexual appetite who didn’t believe in self-denial—but never had she felt the urge to declare her love for them.
It was doubtless she and Raith had a deeper connection. Something had drawn her to him from the moment they met. But love? After five days?
Surely she was simply intoxicated by the endless tender care and affection he showered upon her. Surely she was simply being sucked into the whirlpool of their constant lovemaking, awash in a dream where nothing existed but the two of them, locked in an embrace so tight, the rest of the world faded away.
But the rest of the world was still out there, and they had only two more days before they had to face it again. When it was time to do so, Harrow was sure she’d be glad she’d held the words back.
Besides, how could a woman be expected to know for sure if she was in love without first consulting her best friend?
Nearly a week had passed since their escape, and Malaikah still hadn’t visited, which was worrying. Not for Malaikah, necessarily. Harrow trusted Mal to take care of herself. But she also knew Malaikah would’ve needed to be confident she could shake off anyone tailing her as she left the circus grounds. If Malaikah hadn’t come, it must have meant the pressure on her was great indeed.
As well as needing Mal’s advice, Harrow was dying for information. Had Salizar followed their false trail and been led off course? Was Malaikah in trouble with him, or had he believed that she wasn’t involved? Was the circus still leaving Allegra on schedule, even if Harrow and Raith were missing?
Just then, Raith placed a gentle kiss on the side of her neck, drawing her out of her thoughts. Anytime she started to worry about Malaikah and what was happening in the outside world, Raith would kiss her or look at her sidelong, or she’d catch a glimpse of his body in the sunlight, and it would be oh so easy to forget everything again.
And shewantedto forget. Who wouldn’t want to get lost in the little fantasy bubble they’d created in their tiny room at the tavern? It was easy not to worry about the present or think about the future.
They had each other. What more could they need?
For now, at least, it was enough.
…
“How do you know?” Raith heard himself ask. The question slipped out of him unbidden.
“Know what?”
“That you love something.”
Harrow stiffened in his arms.
“You said you love how I hold you. And when you embraced Malaikah before she left, you told her that you loved her.”
“Yes, I—” She closed her eyes briefly before rolling onto her back and meeting his gaze. “You don’t know what it means?”
“I know the definition, but I don’t know what it feels like.”
Her eyes softened. “Well, I know you know how it feels to want something. To desire. It’s like that, but stronger.”
“Like attachment?” For some reason, it was important to him to understand this.
“Kind of…but not really.” Rubbing her eyes, she sat up suddenly, stretching her neck from side to side like she was preparing for a battle. “There are different types of love and varying depths. The love for another person is the strongest, and you love a friend differently than you love a mate.”
She fixed her gaze on her hands twisting in her lap. “When you love someone, you want what’s best for them, no matter what. It’s selfless and, ideally, unconditional.” She searched his gaze and then rubbed the back of her neck, likely frustrated by his lack of understanding.
“You feel attached to them,” she continued, “and you want to be close. But if it’s truly love, you’re also willing to make sacrifices, even if those sacrifices aren’t whatyouwant. You put their needs before your own. And there’s also trust. No matter what, you trust the other person to be on your side, to never betray you, and you offer them the same. It’s a beautiful, wonderful feeling.”
Raith had never experienced such a thing before and could only imagine what it would be like. He trusted Harrow, but he wasn’t sure he was capable of it to that level. But when he looked at her, he realized that he wanted to be. He just didn’t know how.
