Page 73 of UnWholly Angels
He hit the vape a few times before speaking. “You haven’t gone to bed, have you, man?”
I shook my head, my jaw tensing as I watched him inhale the thing with a grimace. No hate, just not my cup of tea.
“Honestly, I’m surprised you didn’t find a way to weasel yourself out of these games to stay home. I would have,” Noah said, nodding his head to me.
“Are you trying to make me feel like a piece of shit, cause it’s working.” It wasn’t just being so far away from Maya. It was the fact that this separation had made me feel way too uneasy, and not trusting the people you saw as your family wasn’t an easy feat. “I’m going to go to scope out the gym, wanna join?”
“Ohhhh, fun in the gym. At least take me to dinner first, Kingston,” he mocked in a playful tone.
When the details of my life outside of hockey came to light, some of the guys had reservations, which was fair, I guess. Noah never treated me differently, and I was thankful for that. Maybe in another life, it would have been him instead of Nick. But Noah was very much nestled deep in his own dynamic,which was taboo in itself. Noah and I kept each other in check, helped each other keep the darkness at bay. Nicholas had tried to drown that part of me in the past, and I loved him for it, but I needed to be understood, and that was where Noah came in. He understood loss and the way guilt, grief, and anger fucking ate at you. Sometimes the only way to deal was to end it or find a different hobby to quiet the voices that constantly told you to do or say more. The ones that told you that you would never be good enough, or strong enough to make it. Noah had bikes, and I had sex. Maybe I’d take Maya to some of his races soon.
He stood straighter, fishing into his pocket and brought out a mid-sized circular object and placed it in my palm. “Does this look familiar?”
I mulled over the object in my hand. It was smooth like glass, yet cloudy, and made the air feel thin. It took a few minutes, and I clenched my jaw once I’d realized.
Lorenzo’s fake eye.
Narrowing my eyes in suspicion, I took a step toward him. “Where did you find this, and why do you have it?” I asked calmly, every hair raising on the back of my neck. The phantom tune of his whistle sounded through my ears, and I became increasingly aware of my surroundings.
“Well, after I took the right hook from your girl, I decided to investigate the equipment room, and it was just sitting there on the table.” He reached into his back pocket and pulled the vape out, taking a shaky puff and exhaling before he continued. “Someone wanted you to find it, Angel. This happened publicly, around all of us. It’s not Maya’s fault for reacting the way she did, and I believe her. I’ve seen that look before, so I think it’s time to start talking about what’s really going on before it’s too late.”
“Who was the last person with her?” Noah was right, but tonight was not the night. Tonight, we needed to win.
“The rookie. I saw them talking on my way to the shitter, that’s why I could hear her crying outside the locker room.”The Rookie, really?
I covered my face for a moment in thought, my warm breath creating a wetness on my hand as I swallowed down my panic, when his next statement ripped through me in the worst possible way.
“That day you told us, as a team, that you would always choose Maya over us."Another puff."So, I’m going to ask again. Why the fuck are you here and she’s there being protected by some shmuck you haven’t seen in years and his girlfriend?”
He was right. Again, I chose hockey over Maya’s safety, and I am in way over my head this time. There’s no bars to hold me, no cells or bunkies to protect me. Either this was finished, or we would both be looking over our shoulders for the rest of our lives. Right here and now, I vowed to finish this once I got home. It ended now. I took in the scent of the ice, the inadequacy eating away at my psyche. Was Maya safer with me? Because it felt like I was putting her in danger. I knew I couldn’t keep choosing, or keep asking her to. I kept trying to put the decision on her, so if I did become resentful, I had someone to blame, and that wasn’t on her; it was me.
“All I’ve ever wanted in life was to go pro, and I’ve done it. I did that despite everything that was thrown at me. Is it selfish to be afraid that there may come a point where I have to choose? I’m just trying to do the right thing, man.”
“I know buddy, trust me.”
I wish I could right now.I pulled up the sleeve of my hoodie to look at my watch. If I left now, I’d be able to sleep and eat before the game.
The doors came into view as I continued the walk from the tunnel. Grunts and groans could be heard from another area, and I decided to investigate. Approaching the gym, I couldsee the rookie and a few other guys making use of the gym, something I should be doing. I just needed to get the rookie alone and have a little chat, purely to rule him out, not threaten him or anything.
The clank of weights and whirring of the treadmills sounded around me as I made my way to the current target. It wasn’t hard to take in the high-tech room, though. It was impressive, honestly, filled with digital screens. Coach was able to add each player’s name and stats, so we knew where to start and what skills to work on. We needed something like this. If anything, I might install something close to it in my home gym. It was needed information to be the best.
“Not good enough, Petrov, again,” the coach said, trying to be encouraging to a fellow teammate. While I didn’t like the kid, he was a fast skater, and if he kept working at it, I would be willing to bet he could out skate most of us. But he already had a cocky attitude, and it would get him nowhere if he didn’t stop and listen. He reminded me of the way I was when I was younger. So sure I knew everything, hell, I’d been playing for most of my life, and I still had learning to do.
“Push it, almost there, kid.”
I leaned against the wall, watching him skate on the synthetic ice. He leaned forward to try and gain more speed as his legs pumped faster. His heart rate was elevated, and his speed was tracked by the tablet Coach held firmly in his hand. His speed wasn’t enough, though. It was debatable whether he would move up a line this season. A low growl ripped from him as he pushed himself to go as fast as possible.
I could see the sweat roll down the sides of his head as he worked, and his breaths were ragged from pushing himself too hard.
“Alright. You’re done,” Coach said to him, and one final slice of his skate against the fake ice caused him to abruptly stop.
“Did I hit it?” Petrov asked, running his hands through his shaggy, sweat-soaked locks. At the end of the day, he was a rookie trying to prove himself, and how hard he pushed would have made me proud in any other situation.
“You were close. Keep working at it.” Coach swatted at his arm with the tablet and walked away. Once he was a safe distance away, I asked Petrov if we could talk, and once he agreed, I led him into the locker room, which was slightly smaller than I was used to, but it worked.
Inside in the room, I closed and locked the door behind me before addressing him. “What did you do to Maya?” I said, malice and warning in my tone as I stepped closer.
He kept his composure, standing tall, knowing this conversation would go one of two ways. “I don’t know what you mean. We spoke about you, then she asked where to put the skates. That’s all, I swear.” He placed his hands in front of his face to shield himself, and I smacked them out of the way.
