Page 101 of The Reluctant Siren
Jack’s cell trilled again, and he groaned. He brought it outwith a long sigh. “It’s the office. I need to take it. I’ll be here. Hurry. Weneed to be downtown in twenty minutes.” He put the phone to his ear. “Hey,Lori. Yeah, we’re back in Dallas. You got any updates on the Dark Web search?Nothing?” He nodded to Jensen. “Hurry. I want to get you somewhere safe, but itseems we’re okay for now. I’ve got someone tracking Hamilton. He’s notscheduled to fly into Dallas until tonight.”
He would be long gone by then. He’d gotten so close. He knewthe Jensen he’d been months back would mourn the loss of his revenge. Now, ashe walked around to the back of the building, all he could feel was the pain oflosing her. Of Niall never trusting him again. He would be alone for the restof his life, and it was his own fault.
He should have left with her in LA. He should have made thechoice to have a future rather than trying to avenge the past. They could bemarried by now.
Instead, she would marry Niall, and they would have abeautiful life and he would pay for his sins.
Out of the corner of his eye he saw a car darting into theparking lot. Someone was in a hurry, but that wasn’t unusual. They wereprobably trying to hit their dealer’s house before heading to work. Traffic wasusually terrible this time of day.
He jogged up the stairs and pulled out his key. Where wouldthey live? He hadn’t been to Niall’s place and had only heard that Harlow had apretty condo in a nice part of town.
He’d missed so much. He wished he hadn’t, wished he’d beenpart of their daily lives so he would have more memories.
This was stupid. He was being stupid.
Jensen stopped two doors from his apartment as the truth hithim.
And there’s the beautiful, damaged one who needs a shitton of therapy because of all the damage. That one is the dangerous one becauseshe’ll make split-second decisions based on the trauma she survived and notwhat’s best for the three of them. She’ll martyr herself because that’s all sheknows to do. Because she thinks maybe she doesn’t deserve good things like loveand protection, like no one should risk for her.
Niall had been right. Chase hadn’t been talking aboutHarlow. He’d been comparing Jensen to his wife. Natalie Dawson had been the oneto make bad choices based on trauma. Her trauma had been… He couldn’t evenimagine it, and yet she was whole and happy and a good mom and a great partnerto her husbands.
Could he do that? Could he learn to shove down what theworld had tried to teach him and believe that he was worthy of love?
A little panic threatened. It seemed so simple. He was doingthis to save her. He was making this decision because he was absolutely certainshe wouldn’t allow him to leave without her, and neither would Niall.
Would he be okay with her doing the same? If she was introuble and she decided it was too dangerous for him, would he nod and acceptit and move on with his life? Fuck no. He wouldn’t because he loved her and heowed her everything he had, his love, his protection, his advice, his time, hiseffort. He owed it to both of them to be part of the team, and yet he’d made aunilateral decision that affected them all with zero input from them.
No, his internal voice argued. They had made themselvesclear. Just because he wanted to pretend they hadn’t had this discussion didn’tmean Harlow and Niall hadn’t put their beliefs out there. They thought theyshould stay together because they were in love. Harlow had assets that couldhelp them stay safe, and yet he hadn’t even taken the time to explore theoptions that might keep them together. He’d simply jumped headlong into… Yep,he’d jumped headlong into martyrdom, like her father had said. And for thereasons her father said. It was easier to let her go than to become the man sheneeded, to face all the things he needed to in order to be her husband andNiall’s true partner.
His chest felt too tight and he could hear a helicopter inthe distance, but that wasn’t unusual. What was unusual was the emotion he feltwelling up and threatening to drown him.
He’d made a mistake. Such a big mistake, and he’d broughtJack into it.
Jensen forced himself to stop and take a long breath. Hestill had a shot. He could grab the drive and tell Jack he wanted to change themeeting place from the FBI building to the McKay-Taggart building. He couldwalk in, explain what he was doing, and that his girlfriend would pay for anattorney.
Wow, that hurt, but he was going to have to suck it up andfind a way to pay her back in sexual favors or carrying heavy stuff for her.Maybe if he married her and treated her like a queen for forty or fifty years,she would consider the debt paid.
He wasn’t even sure how he could repay Niall. He’d done thisto him twice now. His best friend was used to getting left behind becauseJensen couldn’t handle his damn feelings.
He had to find a way to control this…grief? Was it grief?Was it guilt? Was it a childhood spent worrying that everything would fallapart, so he huffed and puffed until it did and he could stop worrying becausethe worst had already happened?
It was a pattern from childhood and one he had to break. Nowthat he was standing here looking at the life revenge had built, he knew he wasmaking the worst mistake of his life and he couldn’t even call them.
Could he find a ride back to Bonnet and pretend like he’dgone into town? The thought drifted through his brain, but they were up by nowand they would know. Harlow would figure it out quickly.
He had to talk to her.
Ruby. Ruby had given her a phone. Ruby would kick his assbut would likely let him call her and start the groveling process.
He would grovel. He would kiss her toes and carry herhandbag and be her lapdog everywhere but the dungeon floor.
It was like a weight got lifted off his chest. Like he couldsuddenly breathe freely, and he hadn’t realized how bad it had been before.
He didn’t have to live this way. He didn’t have to make thisdecision on his own. He would be upset, feel so small, if either of them haddone this to him and he couldn’t… He couldn’t do this to them. Jack would bepissed, but he was going to talk to them. He would still take down Hamilton,and maybe the best way was for him to go alone into witness protection. Butmaybe they could find another way. Maybe they could get out of this together.
Maybe she would spit in his face, kick him in the balls, andsend him away.
What mattered was that he tried his damnedest to keep themall together.
