Page 112 of The Reluctant Siren
“I don’t…” Honesty. “I’m so mad at him.”
Ruby took a long breath. “What’s under the anger?”
Tears filled her eyes. “Sorrow. I’m so sad that he didn’ttrust me. Fear. I don’t know I’ll ever love anyone the way I loved them. But itcan’t work. I can’t take Niall away from his only family.”
“And how is that any different than what Jensen did to you?”
Fuck. Harlow sat back, breaking the connection because damnit, she was right. “I didn’t talk to him. I stood there and looked at them andmade the decision to spare Niall.”
“Nope. Who were you sparing, sweetie? Who did you want tosave from heartache?”
The tears spilled over. “Me.” She had looked at themtogether and realized Niall would have to make the choice between them, and shewasn’t sure what he would do. She’d made the decision to spare Niall theproblem of choosing. But she was saving herself the heartache of potentiallynot being chosen. Even when he’d told her he chose her. “I love him, and I’mscared he’ll regret choosing me. And I worry that it won’t work withoutJensen.”
“Does he have to break all contact with Jensen to be welcomein your life?”
Put like that it sounded awful. “Of course not.”
Ruby was relentless. “Could he still maintain a relationshipwith Jensen that doesn’t include you?”
She would never dictate her boyfriend’s friendships. “Yes.”
“Then shouldn’t he be the one to decide what he wants? Likeyou wanted to be the one when Jensen left?”
What had she done? She’d looked down and been jealous thatNiall could still feel for Jensen when she was frozen. Jealous he could be thebetter person. Worried he wouldn’t understand that she couldn’t be. She stillloved Jensen and watching him lie there… It damn near broke her, but she wastrapped in a place where she couldn’t try again. She wasn’t sure she evercould. But would she demand he leave Niall’s life, too? Did she even want that?Or did she want to put Niall in exactly the place he’d been in before? Watchingover someone because the person who asked was too afraid to try?
“Harlow, lay it out to him,” Ruby advised. “Tell him whatyou’re feeling. Please don’t lock all of this up inside. Regret is a toxin inyour veins, and I don’t want that for you. If you don’t feel like he’ll hearyou out, then he’s not the right man for you.”
Harlow brushed away tears. She knew exactly what Niall woulddo. “He’ll listen to everything I want to say, and he’ll hold me and kiss meand tell me he loves me and chooses me. But what if it… What if I need themboth?”
“Then you find a way to make it work,” Ruby said withobvious relief that she was finally talking instead of making sarcasticcomments and drinking too much wine.
Harlow suspected that she would have gotten this wholeconversation with her mom in the morning if Ruby hadn’t pushed her. Or Greer.Or Gigi. So many people who wouldn’t leave her alone. “I don’t know if I cantrust Jensen.”
“Would you consider it if he worked on himself?” Ruby asked.
She knew her bestie. “What do you know?”
“I know your dad isn’t going to tell Jensen to fuck off,”Ruby revealed. “I might have listened to your dad and your papa in theiroffice. You know the one without windows, but the lack of windows weirdly makesit easier for sound to bounce around to certain places. Like the air duct inthe bathroom next door.”
Ruby would have made an excellent spy. “And what were theytalking about?”
“Your dad called The Club and rented an apartment forJensen. He and your papa are going to offer him a chance. He works at The Cluband he goes to therapy, and they don’t force him to leave the city,” Rubyreplied.
“But why?” She could believe it of her papa. It sounded likehim. Her dad… She kind of thought Chase Dawson would lead the charge to shoveJensen out.
“Because he loves you and if you love Jensen, then your dadis going to try to make sure Jensen has what he needs to be good for you,” Rubyreplied. “Because I think in some ways your dad sees himself as the you.”
Oh, so many tears now. “Mom struggled in the beginning.Because she loved them but didn’t think she was worthy. And he was brave whenit was hard for him. He was brave because he knew he wouldn’t ever love anyonethe way he loved my mom. I’m not being brave.”
“And that’s okay. You need some time, but don’t shut andlock doors you might need to open later,” Ruby advised. “Your relationship withNiall started out as friendship. I don’t think that’s how it went with Jensenthough, right?”
“We pretty much fell in bed the first night, and it was allpassion and fighting and fucking.” Ruby’s words were forcing her to examine thesituation. She was right. Harlow had been running on adrenaline for hours. Sheneeded to sleep and think. “We didn’t work on a friendship, but that was whatwas great about the last week. I liked spending time with him. I liked how whenI wanted to be alone, they had each other. It felt natural to be with them in away it didn’t before.”
“So take time before you make decisions. Not with Niall. Ithink you know what you want with him, and if you only want him if Jensen comeswith him, then you need to let him go.”
Harlow shook her head and reached for her cell. “I want him.I love him. No matter what happens with Jensen, I want to be with him if hewants me. Would you mind taking me to his place if he’s there?”
She dialed his number while Ruby said yes and took the carout of park.
