Page 59 of The Reluctant Siren
A familiar voice. Harlow. He heard her voice in his sleepall the time. In his head. But this time she was real, and she was laid outnext to him.
The events of the previous day flooded his brain.
Seeing her again. Knowing something big was about to godown. The fuck-up at the apartment. Finding out Niall was in love with her.
Her dads. Oh, he’d met her dads, and he had not made a goodimpression. Not at all.
Bringing her here. Watching her fuck Niall.
Fucking her.
Losing everything.
“It’s okay,” she reiterated, her hand on his chest. Shestroked him in a soothing fashion. “Niall’s making coffee. He apparently got upearly and went into town and got some groceries and picked up some clothes foryou. I wouldn’t expect much. I think it’s probably sweats and T-shirts. Are youokay?”
“I’m fine.” It was only a waking dream, something he dealtwith a lot. Those nasty worries that struck him when he was waking up. How hewould lay there for a moment, wanting to make sure he was alone before he gaveaway the fact that he was conscious.
She was still for a moment and then turned away. Heimmediately felt the loss of that hand on his chest. “I’ll go see if Niallneeds anything.”
He was barely awake and already screwing up. After all thesex the night before, he’d lain awake and tried to figure out how he felt aboutgoing from hardcore dude, ready to murder for revenge, to confused dude who wassuddenly somehow in a threesome. Or was it more technically a throuple? Maybethey were only called that after they were together for a longer period oftime. He was pretty sure what happened last night was a devil’s three-way sincemost of society thought two girls and a guy was more like heaven.
Last night felt pretty damn close.
But as he laid there he realized if he wanted any kind ofchance with Harlow—with or without Niall—he would have to open up. It was whatput her off about him the first time around. They’d fought about hisunwillingness to ever admit anything was wrong. Right up until the moment heexploded. Their fights had been spectacular and sometimes his words were cruel,and he wasn’t doing that to her this time around.
It was more than simply being with her. It was being in thishouse and remembering all the crap his mother put up with so she could say shehad a man. Always just a man after his father left, never a husband or a realpartner. They didn’t talk about their feelings.
Harlow had been so open when she’d apologized. He hadn’ttaken her complaining about his delicate feelings the way Niall thought. Ormaybe he had because it shut him down. Maybe his only chance was to open up.
He reached out and touched her back, noting the line of herspine, the softness of her skin. “I’m sorry. I sometimes wake up and worry thatHamilton will have put a dead girl in bed with me. It’s one of the ways hesolidifies his higher-up men. I’ve heard he makes some of them kill and some hesimply ensures that it looks like they did it. So sometimes I wake up and for amoment I think it’s happened to me.”
She turned, shifting back into bed and gazing down at him,her hair brushing the tops of her shoulders and her breasts on display. She wascomfortable with her body, and it was one of the sexiest things about her.“Jensen, you have to know you would be one of the ones he had to trick. Youwould never have hurt someone.”
And her kindness and generosity was one of the other. Herkindness was the part that made his freaking heart beat like he was an actualhuman being. He brought her hand back to his chest, laying her palm against hisskin and feeling warm again. “I’m glad you think that way. There have been dayswhen I wondered.”
She frowned. “I don’t want to feel for you.”
“You can’t help it because you feel for everyone, baby,” hereplied quietly. “Just tell yourself that it’s part of playing the role of mysub. You liked this part. You liked being a comfort.”
Her nose wrinkled. “You make me sound all gooey.”
He chuckled. It felt so good to be here with her. He shouldbe way more upset. He worked for years to get to the top of Hamilton’sorganization, and now it was all gone and he wasn’t going to get his revenge.And yet he was lying here feeling safer than he felt in years. “You areextremely tough, but you have a gorgeous, gooey center.”
She huffed but she laid back down, shifting to her side andholding her head on her free hand. She made no move to take her hand back.“Yeah, there’s a reason I chose the career path I did. I thought about goinginto the military. I thought about talking to some people I know and seeing ifthe CIA needed someone like me.”
He shook his head. “You would have been miserable. Youwouldn’t be able to deal with the moral compromises you would have to make.What you do is perfect for you. Dangerous as fuck and might get you killed oneday, but it’s what you do.”
“Then why did you push me away?”
His heart clenched because she didn’t ask the question withanger. This time there was a wistfulness to the query that made him feel farmore guilty than he ever had before. “Because while I know your job might getyou killed one day, I couldn’t be the reason for it. I couldn’t do it. Icouldn’t watch them come after you. The truth of the matter was I was going toget us both killed. I couldn’t let them touch you.”
“I want to believe you.” She sighed. “Not that I think weshould get back together, but I don’t want to go on being so angry with you.It’s held me back for years now, and I can’t anymore.”
He breathed for a moment, his hand over hers. “If the onlything that comes out of this whole debacle is you aren’t angry with me anymoreand you can move on, then it’ll be worth it.”
He meant it. It surprised him, but he truly meant the words.
“Jensen, I’m not dumb. You have to be pissed off. I marchedin and everything you worried would happen came to pass. You got caught becauseof me,” she pointed out.
