Page 67 of The Reluctant Siren
“I don’t feel lucky.” Jensen pulled out a plate and lookedover the breakfast Niall made. “When did you start cooking?”
“When I decided I wanted to eat food that didn’t come from adrive through.” Niall took a sip of coffee and wondered if he should see ifHarlow needed a warmup. Then he heard someone sayno he didn’tanddecided to stay right where he was. “After we left the military I found myselfeating like we did when we were in high school.”
“Turkey sandwiches and frozen pizza? It was pretty much allmy momma bought. That and boxed mac and cheese.” Jensen frowned as he sat downand stared at the plate he made for himself. “Are these frozen?”
Now Niall was offended. “No, it was not frozen. I can makepancakes. It’s a mix, but there are ways to enhance it. I put some vanilla andcinnamon in, and one extra egg. I usually drink a protein shake or eat an eggwhite omelet, but somehow today my protein intake doesn’t seem so important.Pancakes felt like the way to go.”
Jensen took a bite. “Wow, that’s actually good. Damn, youknow I’m pretty sure when I’m not at the club I also still eat like we did inhigh school.”
“Then I’m worried about your cholesterol, brother,” Niallshot back.
Jensen put his fork down. “I guess we should talk.”
Niall stared at him for a moment. “I’ve been trying to talkfor over a year. Hell, I’ve been trying to talk since Tommy died.” He sighed.“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to push you. I’ve been talking to a guy at the club.He says you’ll talk about it when you’re ready. I’m worried you’re never goingto be ready.”
A brow rose over Jensen’s eyes. “Not to push me? Are youfucking kidding me? We had a three-way last night. I assure you I feel pushed.”
He was intentionally misunderstanding. Probably because hewasn’t ready to talk about what was actually wrong. “I wasn’t talking aboutthat. I was obviously talking about Tommy and why you’ve spent years of yourlife in a criminal organization. And don’t tell me you didn’t enjoy lastnight.”
Jensen sat back, and for a moment Niall worried he would getup and leave the room. Instead he took another bite and sighed before talking.“Last night… I didn’t think I would like it. But I’m serious about Harlow. I’mpossessive when it comes to her. I did it because I thought it was the only wayI would ever get her to let me back in.”
None of this was news to him. He knew exactly why Jensenagreed to last night. “Oh, I think that’s going to be far tougher than itlooks. Last night was nothing but the opening salvo in a war we only have a fewdays to fight. I worry if we don’t secure her and convince her we’re goodtogether, she’ll walk away. She has a whole family waiting for her, so we can’tuse the ‘we’re all we have’ argument.”
“Weareall we have,” Jensen replied. “You and me,I mean. I know all about Harlow’s large, kind of weird family. She talked aboutthem a lot. But you and me, we’re it. It’s what I’ve been thinking about allfreaking night. I’m trying to not be angry with you. I’m trying to understandwhy you wouldn’t tell me.”
This felt like progress. At least he was asking and notthrowing punches. Niall would take it. “At first I didn’t tell you because Ihonestly didn’t think she wanted to have anything to do with me. She was shutdown when I got there. She didn’t play much and when she did it feltperfunctory, like she was going through the motions. And then one day she satdown at my table in the lounge and asked me what my story was. We startedtalking and I realized she was interested but wary. We started something of afriendship, but she still didn’t make a move, and I realized she had to be theone to make a move. I wasn’t sure she ever would. What would you have done if Itold you I was attracted to her?”
Jensen seemed to think about the question for a moment. “Idon’t know. I didn’t have a plan for what I would do after the mission was donebecause I didn’t think I would survive it. At the time it seemed reasonable,and now I realize how fucked up it is. I don’t… I don’t think this is the lifeTommy would have wanted for me. I never considered what he would want eventhough you asked me a hundred times. I told myself it didn’t matter becauseTommy was fucking dead and if he wanted a say he should have stayed alive. Whyam I mad at him?”
Finally he was asking the right questions. He was seeingthrough the fog of grief. “Because he was your brother and he died. Because hedidn’t call you when he needed help. Because we were all we had. You and me andTommy. For most of our lives we had to watch out for each other, and he didn’tlet you do your job. Of course you’re mad, but throwing your life away,throwing what we could have with that woman away, isn’t going to solve yourproblem. You want to punch me? I’ll take it.”
A chuckle huffed from Jensen’s chest. “It won’t help.”
“Might make you feel better,” Niall offered. “I’ll take thepunch and I won’t hit back. In fact, I might even cry a little.”
That got a slight smile from his best friend. “Planning ongetting Harlow to baby you?”
Niall shrugged. “I bet it would work. Or she would punch metoo and tell me to take it like a warrior. See, the thing is I don’t know thatI want to be a warrior. I was for a while, and I find I prefer being acaretaker. I like making sure the gym is clean and everything is ready for thenext day. I like to sit and make plans for clients. I like to think about them.Everyone’s different, you know. Everyone has a place where they’re comfortable.I like the rituals of a quiet life.”
“And I’ve lived on nothing but adrenaline for years.” Jensensounded tired. “I don’t even know what to do now. If Hamilton doesn’t kill us,what the hell do I do with the rest of my life? Shouldn’t I know? Shouldn’t Ihave a plan?”
Not if he didn’t expect to live out the year. What hisfriend needed was something to live for. “We can work on that. You would be agood personal trainer. You could do that part time while you figure it out. Oryou could work investigations with Harlow.”
“I seriously doubt she’s bringing me on the team.”
“You would be surprised. She brought me on, and she didn’twant to.” At least he thought she hadn’t. She’d been reluctant because of hisinexperience. “She would love to have backup that doesn’t include theMcKay-Taggart team. Her dad might feel better if he knows she’s got solidbackup. You’re ex-military.”
“And I’ve spent the last couple of years doing criminalshit.”
This was something he had to be careful about, but theyneeded to discuss. “How bad is it? Legally?”
Jensen suddenly found his plate very interesting. “I’vemanaged to stay away from hurting anyone who didn’t deserve it. Anythingphysical has been in self-defense, but then I never got to the higher levels.So for me it was all dropping off packages I wasn’t supposed to open or askabout. I’ve absolutely aided in laundering their money.”
Niall nodded. “Good. None of this is going to freak out aDA. They’ll give you immunity if you can turn over some good evidence.”
“I can prove the money laundering beyond a shadow of adoubt,” Jensen offered. “I’m sure either Jack’s team has my laptop or Philmanaged to get it before Jack got there. The good news is the really damningevidence isn’t on the laptop. I had to keep it pretty clean in case someonefrom the organization wanted to inspect it. So I would download the realinformation onto a thumb drive and it’s hidden. They won’t find that. I cangive it to Jack when the time comes.”
“After we find a lawyer for you.” He wasn’t about to letJensen give everything up without a solid offer of immunity. “I’m going to talkto Harlow about that. She knows some people.”
