Page 85 of The Dating Dare

“You could never be that person to me.” A fine trembling started in his chest. This was about love. Once-in-a-lifetime, soul-mate love. It wasn’t about manipulation or control. Why couldn’t she see that? “Please, Tara. This is my choice. I’m in love with you, and I’m choosing to be with you.”

“No,” she said, unbending in her conviction.

He was beginning to hate that word. She kept saying it, but it wasn’t the right answer. “I’m not asking you to tell me you love me right now. I’m not asking you to decide whether you want forever with me. I just want a chance to stick around and show you how much I love you.”

“There will never be a forever for me.” Her ferocity shot terror through his heart. “You know what’s funny? It was never an issue—your caveat about not falling in love with you. I have nothing left in me to love another person. I’m incapable of loving you.”

“I don’t believe that. You are capable of more love than you can imagine. I’ve felt it. In the warmth of your touch, in the way you make me laugh, from the way your eyes linger on me, and in the way you make love to me. It’s there. You just don’t see it yet.”

“I don’t love you, Seth. I never will.” Her eyes grew dull like she wasn’t with him anymore. Like she’d already left. “Go to Paris. The dating dare is over.”

Seth stood frozen to the spot while Tara moved around the house. When she returned to the kitchen, she was back in her street clothes with her hair loose around her shoulders, and she held the garment bag in her hand. But she was still wearing her corsage. That was the only fact he could focus on.

“Thank you for tonight. I’ll never forget it. This month has been the most wonderful time of my life.” She waited a second, as though she expected him to speak. The fact that he could still breathe surprised him. Speaking was beyond him. “Goodbye, Seth.”

Once the front door clicked shut, the heartache he’d feared so much shattered him. He reached for the wall next to him, and slid down to the floor as the pain crashed into him again and again with undiminishing force.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

Tara functioned. She went to work, brewed her beer, tended the bar, and ate and slept. Well, she was being rather generous with the termsateandslept. She tried to eat, but mostly pushed her food around the plate. And sleep only came to her in angry, dark snippets. But she was doing exceptionally well considering she’d forgotten how tolive.

Aubrey was home, but wasn’t due back at work until the following Monday. Other than a quick hello on the phone, Tara hadn’t talked to her. And she couldn’t visit her at her house because Seth was there. He was still close by. That small comfort kept her sane.

She spent most of her time trying to forget Seth’s tender expression—so full of awe and gratitude—when he told her he loved her. No one had ever looked at her as though her existence was the greatest gift in the world. She had to forget all of it. If she let his love sink into her heart, there was no telling what she might do.

She also struggled to not obsess over their one remaining date. It made no sense since she was the one who called everything off, but she’d been greedily guarding the time she had left with him. Now she would never have her last date with him. The deal was to havefourdates and tonotfall in love, dammit. But what would having one more date accomplish anyway? It would only create more memories to haunt her when he was gone.

Then she would cry without pondering why she felt so wretched. Tara was petrified of thinking about the why. Why her heart burst into fireworks when Seth told her he loved her. Why she was so angry with him. She had broken the man’s heart. He did nothing wrong but love her. But… that was it. Loving her was wrong. He promised he wouldn’t fall in love with her.

Eventually, she would feel hollowed out enough for the tears to stop. And she could return to functioning. Brew, bartend, and pretend to eat and sleep. Her family was watching her with increasing concern, but she couldn’t worry about that. She was holding tight to the string that was keeping the stitches of her life together. One slipup, and she would unravel and fall apart piece by piece.

She was doing the bartending part of functioning tonight. The place was crowded, and she welcomed the noise and bustle. It made forgetting a bit easier, and thinking a bit harder. The perfect combination.

For some reason, she was recommending Buzz Off to anyone who asked.Buzz Off. She liked how the words rolled off her tongue. “Buzz Off.”

“Excuse me?” a customer she hadn’t spotted asked from his seat at the bar.

“Oh, hello. How can I help you?”

“Did you just tell me to buzz off?”

Tara blinked. What the hell was this guy talking about? Why would she tell him to buzz off? Wait… “Oh, no. Not you. Buzz Off is one of our most popular brews, and I was just thinking that it was especially hot tonight.”

“Well, then. I’ll have a pint of that,” the man said, thankfully appeased.

“Buzz Off. Coming right up.”

Buzz buzz buzz.She served the customer his drink.Buzz buzz buzz.She had the wherewithal to be alarmed at how oddly she was behaving. Tara looked down at her hands, and spiraled into a panic. Where was it? Had she let go of the string that kept her life together?The string is in your mind.Right. She turned her mind inward and looked down at her figurative hands. The string had slipped some, but she was still holding on to it. It was a very small piece, and she held on to it with her thumb and index finger. It was such a perilous hold, she didn’t know how much longer she could hang on.

With the last dredges of her will, Tara pulled herself together and went into the kitchen to look for Alex. “Oppa, could you cover the bar for me for a while? I feel weird.”

“Weird how?” he asked, concern drawing his eyebrows down.

“I think I might be dizzy.” She was. She also felt like throwing up. “And I feel a bit nauseous.”

“That doesn’t sound good. You should go home for the night.” Alex reached out to feel her forehead. “You might have a stomach bug or something.”

“No, I’ll be fine soon. I just need some air.” She pecked his cheek. “Thank you.”

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