Page 26 of Give Me a Reason

The sound of his name on her lips made every muscle in his body tighten with want, and he barely managed to whisper, “Yes?”

“Why can’t you be with your crew?” She spoke softly, but the determination underlying her words told him that she wasn’t about to let this go. She could be stunningly bullheaded when she set her mind to it.

“I failed the woman who died,” he said starkly, hoping she would back off. But maybe a part of himwantedto tell her. “If I’d planned the attack better…”

“Theattack?”

“How we fight the fire.” He swiped a hand down his mouth. “If I’d done my job better, she might not have died, and I wouldn’t have let my team down.”

“Have you gone over the plan since you got back to the station?” Anne tilted her head to the side.

“Yes. A hundred times,” he barked, even though none of this was her fault. “I can’t stop thinking about it.”

“Did you make a mistake?” Her expression remained calm and gathered, unaffected by his rudeness.

“No,” he said with a sharp shake of his head.

“Did you figure out a plan that might have worked better?”

Frustration deepened his frown. “No, I—”

“So there was nothing you could have done differently.” She didn’t phrase it as a question.

“But—”

“There was nothing you could have done differently, Frederick,” she repeated, her voice warm but firm.

“I know there was nothing more I could’ve done.” He buried his face in his hands. “But don’t you see? The helplessness only makes it worse. It’s not a mistake I can learn from. A womandied. It’s so senseless and unfair.”

His head was suddenly cradled against her shoulder, her fingers brushing through his hair. He didn’t even realize she’d moved to sit next to him. He stiffened and made a half-hearted effort to pull back. Her other arm wrapped around his back, and she held him tightly. She held him together so he wouldn’t fall apart.

A sound between a sigh and a sob escaped his lips, and he burrowed into her embrace, letting her warmth envelop him. The past wasn’t forgotten. His anger still pulsed raw. But just this once, he would take the comfort Anne offered. Because, in this moment, she was the only person who could give him what he needed. The only person who could make him feel whole. He didn’t have the bandwidth to analyze why that was the case, and it was probably for the best.

Before Frederick’s logic could take over, Anne dropped herarms and stood from her seat. She somehow knew that if he’d stayed in her embrace for another minute, he would’ve been filled with self-loathing. Then he would’ve lashed out at her and would have felt terrible for it. He couldn’t decide what he was more grateful for—the comfort she’d offered or the guilt she’d spared him.

Anne stopped at the doorway and glanced over her shoulder. But she didn’t meet his eyes. Maybe she wasn’t ready to face him after the moment they’d just shared. It was for the best. He wouldn’t have been able to meet her gaze even if she had looked at him… because then he might’ve asked her to stay. And she might have said no.

“You didn’t let your team down when you led the attack. That woman’s death, as tragic as it is, was not your fault,” she said with quiet conviction. “But youwilllet them down if you don’t go to them right now. Talk to them. Listen to them. Your team needs you. And you need them.”

She walked out the door before he blinked away his surprise, but her words stayed with him. Of course she was right. He was avoiding them because of his own fear and guilt. He didn’t know how their devastation would affect him. He didn’t know if he had the strength to support them. But maybe they didn’t need him to be strong. Maybe they just needed him to bethere.

Frederick stepped into the family room and found his crew quieter than usual but loud enough to make some of the tension leave his shoulders. But Anne was gone. She would’ve been the first thing he saw if she’d still been there. Hiding the disappointment chilling his chest, he plopped down on the sofa between Sandy and Tanner.

“Hey, Captain,” the rookie said as the rest of B Shift smiled at him from around the sectional.

“Hey, you disloyal lot.” Frederick leaned back and returned their smile, only a little forced. Seeing his team gathered togethersoothed the sting of Anne’s absence. “I can’t believe you ate all the good fish tacos without me.”

“A wise man once said”—Joe raised a finger in the air—“if you snooze…”

“I wasn’t snoozing, asshole.” Frederick threw a pillow at his lieutenant’s face before he could finish the adage. “I was doing the dishes.”

It had been a difficult day, but they were all together, safe and unhurt. For that, he was deeply grateful, and he needed to focus on that gratitude right now. Later, he would unpack why he missed his ex like a phantom limb.

THEN…

Dear Anne,

I miss you. The sunsets here are surreal, but they would be so much more beautiful if I watched them with you tucked in my arms, my chin resting on top of your head.

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