Page 45 of Give Me a Reason

“For whose best?” he yelled at her back as she walked away from him. Fromthem.

“Live your life, Frederick,” she said without turning around, her hand already on the doorknob. “Your beautiful, promising life.”

“What life?” His voice broke. “Youare my life.”

“Goodbye…” A sob choked her words.

“Don’t do this, Anne. Please don’t do this,” he pleaded… but she was already gone.

“Fuck.” Frederick blinked awake from the memory and tossed back a swig of whiskey. His eyes were wet, and he dried them with a rough swipe of his hand. “Fuck.”

He had understood what Anne refused to spell out for him. And he’d known exactly why someone like her aunt wouldn’t approve of someone like him—why the woman persuaded her perfect niece to leave him.

Frederick had lost his parents when he was young, and his older sister had raised him. It meant he’d had to work odd jobs all through high school, struggling to keep his grades up. And even in college, he’d been juggling basketball, classes, and a part-time job when he met Anne. He’d never minded how difficult life sometimes felt, because he had a bright future ahead of him—a future that Anne would’ve been proud to share with him. Or so he’d thought.

Although he’d known Anne came from a wealthy family, he’d naïvely believed that it didn’t matter. But in the end, that was all that had mattered. Her aunt didn’t think someone like him belonged with someone like her niece. And Anne had agreed. At the very least, she didn’t have the conviction to fight for him. To fight for their love.

It took him years of therapy—and frankly, growing up—torealize that ithadbeen for the best. If their love had been something she could so easily be persuaded to toss aside, then it never would have lasted anyway. He had accepted that. Then why had he sought Anne out tonight?

His attempts to ignore her were exhausting, not to mention impossible. And it was Christmas. He didn’t want everything to be so hard for once. Besides, staying away from her was a losing battle, especially after she’d held him together the other night.

So he decided not to fight it. He let himself drift to her side. It was so easy, so natural. Her nearness had always called to him.Come closer. Come closer still.He’d merely heeded that siren call tonight. At what cost, though? Had he shattered his hard-won peace by drifting too close?

Was that why he was such a wreck right now? Did the phantom pain of her rejection hurt like fuck because he’d allowed himself to want her? Wanting her meant giving her the power to hurt him again. He would be inviting history to repeat itself. It would break him, but he was tempted. Even after tonight’s shit show, he wassotempted.

Frederick had pushed off the floor to refill his drink when he heard a knock. His blood pounded in his ears as his legs carried him to the front door even before he made a conscious decision to do so. Was it premonition or hope? Either way, he knew who would be standing on the other side. He pulled on the door with enough force to fling it wide open.

Anne stood within arm’s reach, eyes wide and lips parted. He had never seen anything more beautiful in his entire life. Reason blinked out of existence as panic seized him. He would not let her leave. Not this time.

“Frederick—”

Before his mind could catch up with his intent, he reached out and tugged her inside, harder than he’d meant. With a gasp, she stumbled into him, her hands clutching at his chest forbalance. He instinctively tightened his arms around her, even as he shouldered the door shut.

Darkness surrounded them like a cloak, enveloping them in a cocoon outside of time. There was no past. There was no future. Only Anne. She was in his arms, her shoulders rising and falling in rhythm with his breathing. She fit so perfectly against him with her head tucked underneath his chin. It was as though his body had carved out a place for her, waiting for her to come back to him. To come back home.

The night fell eerily quiet, and he welcomed the silence. He didn’t move a muscle—just breathed in her sweet scent and basked in her warmth. He didn’t even want to consider the possibility of this moment ending. She stayed silent and still in his embrace like she didn’t want it to end either. The sharp ache of emptiness finally loosened its hold on him after clawing into his heart ten years ago. He released a long, slow breath.

“Frederick.”

One whispered word was enough to break the spell. The moment shattered around them, the jagged pieces falling at their feet. He let his arms drop to his sides as he stepped away from her. Not ready to face her yet, he hung his head low and took another step back. Every step submerged him deeper into icy waters, and reason returned to him in a crushing wave of bewilderment.What the hell just happened?

He spun on his heels and walked into the living room, switching on the lights. After a hesitant pause, her steps tapped behind him. He slumped into an armchair and waved toward the sofa adjacent to it. When she sat down on the edge of the seat farthest from him, he wiped a hand down his face.

“I have no explanation for what just happened,” he said stiffly. “But it’ll never happen again.”

Her breath left her in a whoosh, but her expression remained placid. “I understand.”

“Do you?” he snapped, anger flaring in his gut.

“Yes.” Her voice broke. “I understand that you will never forgive me. I understand we will never be together again.”

Her words felt like a punch to his gut, and his throat worked to swallow without success. He cleared his throat instead and rasped, “That’s right.”

“Even so, you deserve to know the truth about why I went to Korea.” She rubbed her palms on her jean-clad thighs. “The whole truth.”

Distracted by the movement, it took him a moment to register what she’d said. His eyes shot back to her face. “The whole truth? That your imo thought I was a lowlife who didn’t deserve you? That you let her persuade you to leave me because you agreed with her?”

“Never,” she cried, shaking her head sharply. “Oh, Frederick. Did you really believe that for all these years? God, I wish… It doesn’t matter what I wish. What matters is that it’s not true. Ineveragreed with her. If anything, I thought you were too good for me. You were too good to be true.”

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