Page 95 of Love, Just In

Doctor Ellison’s already handing me a tissue when I slump into the chair. I can’t believe I’m back in this stark room so soon.

‘I found a lump in my breast,’ I blurt before she even speaks.

The faintest line finds her brow. ‘OK. Come and lie down, and I’ll have a feel of it.’

I drag my lead-filled legs over to the narrow bed and stretch out on the crumpled paper covering it. Doctor Ellison snaps on a pair of gloves while I lift my shirt, my heart bunching in my throat. I scour her face while she feels around both breasts and gently presses the lump, but her expression gives nothing away. I climb off the bed and return to the chair, swallowing bile.

‘OK.’ She takes a moment, collecting her words. ‘The lump feels small, and I’m not marking this as urgent, but it would be silly of me not to recommend an ultrasound to have a look at what’s going on. I’m sorry, Josie; I know this isn’t what you wanted to hear.’

I silently nod, the truth thundering through my head as I bite back tears.This is really it. No more false alarms. This is the beginning of the end—right here, right now.

An awful tapping noise takes over the room as the doctor types out my referral, while my thoughts shift to desperate.

What if I just tell her I don’t want the test and go home? What if I move down to Sydney today, where no one knows anything about this? What if I pretend none of this ever happened and hope the lump goes away?

‘I had an enlarged lymph node in my armpit about a year ago,’ I remind her in a small voice. ‘But it went away on its own. Could this be the same thing?’

Doctor Ellison passes me a small, sympathetic smile as she shakes her head. ‘I’m afraid not.’

I lumber back into the waiting room, approaching Zac from behind. He’s sitting beside a head of thick dark hair that’s instantly familiar.

‘Ross?’ I say faintly as I round on them. ‘What are you doing here?’

They both lurch to their feet. Zac’s gaze sweeps over my face while his cousin kisses my cheek. ‘I’m getting the flu vaccine and spotted my boy over here,’ he says, giving Zac a playful nudge.

‘Ross was the one who told me about Doctor Ellison,’ Zac explains.

‘Best doc in the city,’ Ross adds, smiling.

For that few-seconds-long interaction, the lump in my breast leaves my mind, but the feeling of dread crashes back into my stomach when I catch Zac eyeing off the referral in my hand. His gaze flickers to mine, and he slides his arm around my waist, pulling me close.

Ross’s brows slide up before a look of realisation washes over his face. Zac brushes our foreheads togetherfor a split second that I know Ross doesn’t miss. Ross’s chocolate eyes snag on my own and hold there for a moment before a nurse calls out his name.

On the windy street outside the surgery, I fill Zac in on what happened with the doctor. He hugs me tightly, then steps back while gripping my waist, his body lowered so he can look me right in the eyes. I fight tears as he says sweet things to comfort me, but the look on his face only makes me feel worse, like he already thinks I’m going to die.

He’s scheduled to stay with his parents overnight in Port Stephens to celebrate his birthday, and he offers again to pull out, but I tell him it’s OK. He hasn’t seen his folks in ages, and there’s a painful pressure building behind my eyes that needs to be let out. Once I’m done at work, I need to go home and sob uncontrollably, and I don’t want Zac to see me like that. As big-hearted as he is, I’m not sure he’ll understand why I’m so horror-stricken over a tiny lump that might turn out to be nothing. He has no idea how truly screwed up my head is, how I’m already silently saying my goodbyes.

Through heavy breaths, I thank him over and over for being so supportive, and we kiss softly and part ways so that I can go to work.

Man-Bun-Colin’s away today, and his replacement is an older woman I barely know, her shrill voice and direct tone doing nothing to relieve the tornado in mychest. She keeps changing the rundown, and I give up trying to learn it in advance, turning my focus to writing up the weather reports. Reading the news tonight is almost too much for my anxiety to take, but I have no other choice, because apparently one week of doing my dream job without this health shit hanging over my head was too much to ask. It doesn’t help that Lola is about to be off work for two weeks; she’s heading to Hawaii with her boyfriend. Not that I’m close enough to Lola to want to open up to her about this anyway. It’s hard enough talking to Zac or Christina about it.Maybe if I say I’m OK enough times, it’ll become true. I’m in the make-up chair with half my hair in rollers when my phone lights up with a text from Ross.

ROSS:Hey, lovely girl. So funny to run into you guys this morning. I’m just wondering if you have time for a coffee or a drink after work today?

No worries if not, I just wanted to chat about something.

P.S. Forgot to mention earlier that I caught you on TV last night – you were brilliant!

My brow pinches as I reread the message and compose a reply. I’ve known Ross through Zac for over a decade, but I don’t think he’s ever asked me to meet up one-on-one. I’m already in half a panic about what he wants to talk about, but we make a plan to meet at a late-night café in Honeysuckle.

The first part of the news bulletin goes off without a hitch, but during the third commercial break, the director barks into my earpiece.

‘The news wires are reporting that Alexa Hamilton just died. Hunter is typing something up now, so your autocue’s going to refresh. Josie, you read, and stand by for a possible phoner if we can get someone on the line.’

My heart jumps into my throat as I scramble to refresh the screen, skimming the new text before the director begins a countdown out of the commercial break.Shit. I haven’t had enough time to pre-read the story. I glance at Robert Knight, but he’s calmly scrolling through his laptop, off the hook for this one.

The camera light clicks to red, and the director cues me to go. I begin reading the words on my screen.

‘And now to some breaking news. Much-loved Australian actress Alexa Hamilton has died following a short battle with breast cancer.’ My breath catches in my lungs, making me stumble over the next sentence. ‘The thirty-one-year-old passed away at St Vincent’s Hospital in Sydney shortly after noon today with her family by her side. Hamilton was diagnosed with breast cancer in August last year, and her family has asked for privacy at this time.’

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