Page 72 of Dallas

I return to that fight we had in the alley behind the saloon. Because I don’t know what to do with my feelings. Especially when they’re big.

They’re really big right now.

I want to make all kinds of promises. But I know that promises that end up broken or worse than promises that are made at all. And maybe I need to do something I’m not good at. Which is just sitting in a feeling instead of trying to immediately turn it into an action item.

She reaches out and grabs my hand, draws it toward her mouth and bites my finger. Then looks up at me with ridiculously innocent eyes.

“You still bite,” I say.

“Only really special people.”

“God damn, girl.”

“Affectionately?” she asks, eyes round.

“Fucking affectionately,” I say, drawing her up against my chest. The weight of her feels right in my arms, her body soft and glorious against mine. Maybe I don’t need to know the future. Maybe I just need to know right now.

“Dallas,” she whispers. “Do you remember when we were kids and you held me in bed at night?”

I smile. “I do.”

“It’s the only time I ever felt safe.”

My chest feels tight. Overwhelmed by the weight of that emotion. “Sarah, it’s the only timeIfelt safe,” I whisper, the reality of that hitting me hard.

She touches my face. “Well, you’re safe now, too.”

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. And I feel something change inside of me. I don’t know what it is. I don’t know if it’s healing or breaking. It hurts.

Love hurts, I think. Even as I fall asleep.

Chapter Eighteen

Sarah

When I wake up in the morning, I know exactly where I am. Dallas’ bed, in Dallas’ arms. I want to cry. I’m not sure why. I feel small and delicate, nice. I kiss his wrist and then slip out of his arms. I have to get ready for work. He has to take me, but that’s just going to have to happen.

I sneak off to my room, and choose the dress that I’m going to wear today, then I slink back down the hall toward his room. When I, he’s just sitting up, the covers fallen around his waist, his body… Oh, his body. It’s so nice to just be able to look at him, openly. It’s so amazing that I can. I’m not carrying this big weight on my shoulders anymore. This thing I haven’t done. This thing I haven’t been able to get past. I did it. With Dallas. Twice. It was amazing, and I loved every second of it.

I want to do it again as quickly as possible. But sadly, I have to get ready to go.

“Keep looking at me like that and there’s going to be trouble,” he says.

I smile. “Well, I like a little bit of trouble.”

“Don’t you have work?”

“I do,” I say piously, holding up my clothes. “I’m just going to take a shower. In your shower.”

That turns out to be not the best idea (except it’s an awesome idea) and Dallas joins me, and derails the whole thing. I have every intention of taking him into my mouth and making him mine, swallowing him, but instead he drops to his knees, drapes my leg over his shoulder and eats me out until I am screaming.

My voice echoes off the walls, and I feel like I should be embarrassed.

Embarrassed that he is eating up every bit of evidence of my need for him, making me into his creature, but all I can do is enjoy it.

When he’s done, he licks his lips. “You are delicious,” he says.

I suddenly don’t care as much that there have been a lot of other women. Because he thinks I’m delicious. And he’s mine.

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