Page 101 of How to Blow It with a Billionaire

Yep. This was definitely verbal Carcassonne. And I was definitely losing. And there was nothing I could do about it, short of running out of the castle and being attacked by wolves, necessitating a rescue from Caspian that would lead to us eating soup together and playing in the snow and then he’d give me a library and—wait, that was something else.

I tried a different tack. “Look, you told Ellery I was your partner because you wanted to hurt her. Not because it’s how you see me or how you treat me. That’s really fucked up.”

“I’m trying, Arden.” And maybe I was better at Carcassonne than I thought, because he sounded genuinely shaken. “I want to be a partner to you. I want to make you happy. But at some point you’re going to accept that this is who I am.”

“No. It’s who you say you are. That’s not the same thing.”

He turned sharply. “What do you mean?”

“You’re not asking me to accept you as you are. You’re asking me to accept the way you see yourself. Which I can’t do.” I had to curl my hands in my lap to stop reaching out to him. “Because that’s not how I see you.”

Caspian surged off the sofa, obviously frustrated.

“I’m sorry, Arden, but how many times must we have this conversation? Reach this same impasse? You’re looking for something that isn’t there. You must understand. And ultimately decide for yourself if this—if I—can be enough for you.”

Wow. What? No.

How had we got here?

I stared at him in horror. “You can’t just dump the whole responsibility for our future on me. There’s two of us involved here.”

“Yes, but I’m not the one who’s unhappy.” It was his gentlest voice. The voice that often cut me deepest. “I’m doing my best, but I’m tired of disappointing you, Arden.”

“You don’t,” I cried. “You aren’t. All I’m asking—”

“Is for things I can’t give.”

There was a long, nasty silence.

“I should go,” said Caspian, finally. “You need time to think. Text me if you still want to be my date tomorrow.”

I was too stunned to even try and stop him.

Chapter 25

Saturday dawned shittily. I hadn’t slept well, and I’d done exactly zero preparation for the phenomenally posh birthday party I would have to attend, whether I went with Caspian or not.

Urgh. Caspian. What had I done?

I mean, maybe he was right. Maybe I was asking for the impossible. He’d told me about Nathaniel. He’d trusted me with his nightmare. It wasn’t my job to fix his relationship with Ellery. It wasn’t even my business.

Back in Kinlochbervie, he’d promised to try, and I’d promised to be patient. And only one of us, really, could be said to have kept their side of the bargain.

Clue: it wasn’t me.

I’d been greedy, and pushy, and demanding. And not very kind. And Caspian had stuck with me, supported me, done so much for me, both practically and emotionally. And, in return, I’d made him feel like a failure. Like he couldn’t make me happy.

When he did. He so did.

Obviously, what we had together wasn’t perfect. But what was? I didn’t know how to do relationships and I was starting to get the sense he didn’t either. But we were trying. Faltering and fucking up, but definitely trying.

Well, except for the bit where I’d told him that wasn’t good enough.

And what did I want, when it came down to it? A fairy tale? A happily ever after as smooth as glass? Or something real and messy and occasionally painful? With the complicated, damaged, fascinating man I was pretty sure I was falling in love with?

I groped for my phone, and texted Caspian: I’m sorry. You couldn’t disappoint me if you tried. Please pick me up. I would love to be your date for the party.

As ever, Caspian’s reply came quickly: I think you’ve forgotten that I am capable of accomplishing almost anything to which I bend my attention. I could disappoint you comprehensively if I so desired.

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