Page 65 of How to Blow It with a Billionaire

Picking at my bagel, I discovered I had no appetite whatsoever.

Welp. This sucked.

I nearly rang Caspian. Sitting there with my phone in my hand, knowing he’d pick up, and certain that he would probably make me feel better. Though, in the end, I didn’t.

Not because I didn’t want to. But because I didn’t need to.

His strength was a powerful gift, and one he gave to me generously, without hesitation. Except, in borrowing Caspian’s sometimes, I’d remembered I had strength of my own. That my sense of myself could hold steady without the flattering mirror of his affection. And that sometimes life was shitty, and the people you loved were hurting, and sad and scared and lonely were what you had to feel.

Chapter 16

When I got back to Nik’s room, he was propped up in bed, and looking calmer—if a bit red around his eyes and nose. He gave me an awkward grin. Which I returned with an awkward grin of my own.

We’d never actually fought before, at least not about anything more serious than Disney princes, so this was all new ground. And I didn’t think either of us could tell if it was solid earth or eggshells or broken glass beneath our feet.

Finally, Nik said, “I’m really sorry, Ardy.”

“Honestly, you don’t have to be.”

“You’re not the boss of me. I can be sorry if I want.”

I put my hands on my hips. “I might be the boss of you. How do you know? Do you have paperwork?”

“Dude, you’re barely capable of being the boss of yourself.”

“So harsh.”

But we were laughing and it felt…too terrifyingly fragile to be normal. But it was good too.

“I’m shit scared, you know,” he said, so softly I almost missed it.

I went to sit on the edge of his bed. Slid my hand over to his and muddled up our fingers. “Me too.”

“I’m not sure I’m going to be okay.” He pulled an almost comically rueful face. “I think I’m fucked.”

“Oh Nik, you’re not fucked. Just…fondled a bit roughly.”

He laughed, then winced, his free hand curling against the bedsheets. “But what am I going to do?”

“Um, same as before?”

“Like this?”

“Well, maybe not exactly like this.”

“I might not be able to walk.”

I took a breath, hoping against hope I was going to say this right. “I know, and that is the…fucking suckiest. And everything is probably going to be really hard for a long time. But—”

“If you tell me life goes on I’m going to yank out this catheter and wee on you.”

“I guess…it’s more that your life isn’t over?”

“Are you sure? Because I saw this movie about how it’s now my social duty to euthenate myself for the sake of my loved ones.”

I nodded. “And you have to leave me all your money too.”

Nik grinned, but quickly grew thoughtful again.

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