Page 68 of Boyfriend Material
You’re being very mature and I’m very impressed.
Was that your sarcastic voice? I read that in your sarcastic voice
I am actually proud of you. I just thought it would sound patronising to say it.
You must have noticed I have zero self-respect
A pause.I don’t think that’s true. I think you’ve just forgotten where you put it.
Well you’ve seen my flat
Normally we’d wrap up here, with him saying something semi-nice to me and me not knowing how to cope with it. But tonight for some reason I wasn’t quite ready to let go.
I know you can’t talk about it blah blah blah.But you okay? Work okay? Everything okay?
Wow. Look at me playing it cool. Like a fucking cucumber.
There was a longer-than-average Oliver pause.
Oh fuck, I’d pushed it too far. Or he’d fallen asleep.
Yes,he said finally.I’m just not used to
He left that half sentence hanging for a really long time. Then:Sorry. I pressed Send too early.
Okay, he was not getting away with that.I’d like the second half please
I didn’t mean to send the first half.
Well. You have. And as five-word phrases go I’M JUST NOT USED TO is nearly as bad as WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT
Sorry. Sorry.
OLIVER!!!
I’m just not used to having something in my life that’s as important to me as my job.
I typed outYou’re really taking this fake boyfriend business seriously aren’t you?But didn’t have the heart to send it. Instead, I tried,What about your gazillion other relationships?
They were different.And, while my thumb was midswipe,By the way, I think we should have lunch tomorrow.
And again, before I could answer:I mean if it’s agreeable.
I’m just very aware the aim of this exercise was to generate positive publicity for you.
Which we can’t if we aren’t seen in public.
So we have lunch
As I suggested
In my other text.
So he’d panicked then.
As a world-class panicker, I was well-placed to read the signs. There were a bunch of things I could have done. I could have teased him or pressed him or fucked with him. But none of them seemed right just then. So I…I let it go.That sounds great, I sent,but what about your case?
If you’d be so good as to bring me something. A wrap or something. I thought we could eat it on a bench.
