Page 108 of Confounding Oaths
“Are you sure, lass?” asked Callaghan. “Because if you ask me that sounds a whole hell of a lot like bollocks.”
Begrudgingly, Mr. Caesar gave his friend his support. “Actually, from personal experience, it really does seem to work like that.”
“One can’t help wishing,” Kumar mused aloud, “that it felt a little more magical, and a little less asinine.”
Barryson shrugged. “That’s the thing about magic, it doesn’t give a shit what you think of it.”
Suspecting that the shape of a songbird would be too conspicuous once the merry band of mortals was wandering lost through the halls of Titania’s palace, I became a spider and lowered myself into Miss Bickle’s hair, reasoning that of all those present she was the least likely to object to my presence. She was shorter than most of the company, which meant my view was a little limited. But she moved about with such fleetness that I was afforded a range of angles from which to watch a band of grown men failing to follow basic instructions.
“She saidonlyright turns,” Sal was explaining the first time the path branched—a sheer marble corridor to the right, a hall lined with strange geometries ahead, “noteveryright turn. We can still go straight on.”
“The music’s coming from the right,” replied Callaghan.
“It’s not, you’ve just let off one too many muskets near your ears.”
Captain James, speaking as mellowly as he could given the situation, moved to intervene. “Everybody just be quiet. Give us a moment and we’ll listen carefully.”
“Does that sound even qualify as music?” asked Kumar. “It’s more of a hum.”
“Which part of quiet didn’t I make clear?”
After a few moments’ listening they decided that yes, the slight hum did count as music but that no, it wasn’t coming from the rightand that therefore yes, Sal had been correct that only right turns did not mean every right turn and so they should go straight ahead.
Miss Bickle spun 360 degrees to her right anyway, which I found a little disorienting, but when she was done we kept good pace with the group.
Ahead, as Miss Bickle had predicted, they were indeed faced with a pure left turn, which they did indeed navigate by walking backwards, although Jackson did make a point of reminding them that it might just have meant they’d gone the wrong way.
“So what would happen,” wondered Callaghan aloud, “if we walked this corridor forwards?”
“Maybe nothing,” Barryson replied. “Or maybe we get our skins ripped off by things with knives for faces. Want to give it a try?”
To my disappointment, nobody did.
At the end of the corridor in question they found themselves at a T-junction, and the question of whether they needed to turn right as they werefacingor right as they werewalkingcame to occupy them for several minutes.
“It seems terribly unjust,” said Kumar to nobody in particular, “that something this undignified should have such a high chance of killing us.”
Mr. Caesar nodded grim approval. “Ever since I have become familiar with magic I’ve come to dread the thought of dying a farcical death. And Orestes”—the captain had looked as though he was about to say something—“don’t you dare tell us that all war is farce because while I admit I have never served my country, I doubt you have ever done anything as undignified as walking backwards through an enemy stronghold in fancy dress.”
“Yeah, fair point,” the captain conceded.
“Though we’ve come close a few times,” added Sal. “We’ve done some fucking ludicrous things down the years.”
The Irregulars all agreed to this, just as they all eventually agreed that they needed to turn right as they werefacingin this instance.
As they crept further into the palace, down passages made of rough stone or living wood and through doorways curtained with a thousand moths, the thought occurred to several of the company that they had thus far seen nobody in their travels. Although whether this meant that things were going very well or very ill they could not say.
Two turnings and a bridge across a river of wine later, the party came at last upon the first living thing they had encountered. Well, the first living thing save for your humble narrator, who was still perched unnoticed atop Miss Bickle’s head.
The thing in question was wearing human shape, or humanlike shape, although its fingers had an extra joint, and when it spoke an astute observer would note that it had a second row of needle-sharp teeth set just behind the first. For reasons best known to Titania and her servants, it was wearing the uniform of the Coldstream Regiment and bearing a musket tipped with a green glass bayonet.
“Halt,” he demanded, “who goes there.”
For so many reasons, dealing with this new eventuality fell to the captain. “Orestes James,” he said with military formality, “Captain, Third Foot Guards.”
“Leave,” said the creature, its voice oddly thin and its eyes oddly gleaming, “or be run through.”
Captain James cast a look over his shoulder at his men, and at Mr. Caesar. “Then I guess I’ll be run through.”
