Page 109 of Looking for Group
“That’s worth minus eight on its own.”
“Well, actually,” interrupted Tinuviel before they could get into a fight, “I think one of Batman’s great strengths is the way he can encompass many identities, and reflect many worlds. The Batman who leaves Ra’s al Ghul to die in an exploding monorail—”
“Oi,” yelled Andy, “spoilers.”
“—loses his impact if he is not set against the Batman who refuses to throw a bomb into a flock of ducklings.”
Melissa nudged into the side of Tinuviel’s neck. “Who could respect a man who threw a bomb into a flock of ducklings?”
“What did you think, Kit?” asked Steff, since he’d been obviously quieter than everyone else.
“Oh.” He thought about it for a moment. “I’d give it eight bats too. Partly for the porpoise, partly for shark-repellent Bat spray, and partly—with my physicist hat on—for the sheer glorious craziness of…if you dehydrate someone, and then rehydrate themwith heavy water, then the slightest impact will reduce them to antimatter.”
“Are you suggesting”—Drew grinned at him—“it doesn’t really work like that?”
“Well,” said Steff, “let’s go back to basics. With my medicine hat on, when you dehydrate someone, they don’t turn into blue dust.”
Drew shook his fist in the air. “You lied to me, West, you lied to me.”
They romped on through Tim Burton’sBatmanandBatman Returns, and then ordered pizza to sustain them through the nadir ofForeverand& Robin. Drew thought he maybe fell asleep somewhere between Jim Carrey in green latex and Uma Thurman in green latex, soothed by Kit’s fingers moving gently through his hair. But he definitely woke up about halfway throughBatman Begins, mainly because everyone in the room was rasping, “Do I look like a cop” as loudly as they could while still doing Batman Voice.
They’d all basically rallied by the time Batman was hanging the Joker off a high buildingagain, and an emergency injection of very strong coffee courtesy of Tom carried them all the way to the confusing café scene at the end ofRises.
It was 6 a.m., they’d probably got twelve hours of sleep between them. All they’d done was watch eight movies, only some of which were actually good, but nevertheless Drew was left with a tremendous feeling of accomplishment.
Sanee rose a little unsteadily to give his closing statement. “Ladies and gentleman, you have just witnessed the entirety of the cinematographic Bat canon. Those still abed will count themselves accursed they were not here.”8
Andy was wrapped up in his sleeping bag, snoring softly.
Tinuviel stared meditatively into the middle distance. Drewfound it difficult to tell whether she was knackered, wasted, or completely normal. “The thing that troubles me the most about Jack Nicholson’s Joker, apart from the fact that it’s clearly just Jack Nicholson, is that because he’s so physically unthreatening, the final confrontation comes down to Batman beating up an unarmed, mentally ill man in his fifties.”
“It does make Batman look kind of a dick,” agreed Tom.
Steff pulled Sanee back onto the sofa and snuggled into him. “I’m not sure. I think the fact that Batman keeps whaling on him and he just carries on laughing makes him really freaking scary.”
“Most Batman villains are nuts anyway.” Sanee tugged a blanket over the two of them. “And Batman’s not really all there either. I mean, he dresses as a bat, for God’s sake. That’s hardly normal behaviour. I think the reason the bad guys are so OTT is to distract you from what a total weirdo Bruce Wayne is.”
“You know,” said Kit softly, “I heard the original brief for Batman was to create a character who was more down-to-earth and relatable than Superman, and somehow the concept they came up with for this everyman hero was a genius billionaire whose parents were killed in a freak opera-attending accident9.”
Drew was pleased when everyone laughed. It made him feel that Kit had a place among his friends and also secretly proud that he was dating this beautiful, funny, nerdy guy. “The thing that gets me about Batman is the little pointy ears on his helmet. They’re so adorable I don’t know how anyone can take him seriously.”
Tinuviel shut her eyes for a moment. “I suspect”—she put her fingers to her temples—“that if he did not have the little pointy ears he would look like a butt plug.”
“Argh.” Sanee yanked the blanket over his head. “You have ruined Batman forever.”
“No, Jim Carrey ruinedBatman Forever.”
Sanee groaned. “Oh, I see what you did there.”
By unspoken consensus, people began to find themselves comfortable passing-out nooks. Drew and Kit aligned their sleeping bags and drifted off, holding hands.
It was afternoon by the time everyone was awake again, and they were finishing off the last of the snacks and wondering what to do with the rest of the day. Drew was used to this kind of space. They’d sit around for a while, just chilling, and chatting, and occasionally fiddling on their phones. Eventually someone would suggest playing a game, and eventually they’d play one. It was a nice, low-pressure way to spend Sunday.
At around two, just as they were debating whether it was worth trying to find a board game that would take eight players, or if they should split into groups, or maybe just go for food or something, Kit stood up and said he should be going.
Drew was a bit startled. He thought he’d been having a good time, and he didn’t want him to go. “You don’t have to. I’m sure we can find something for eight players, or we can do teams.”
“It’s not that.” Kit packed up his sleeping bag. “It’s just I think I want to go home now.”
