Page 119 of Looking for Group
“I know, and when I first met you, it was like the final piece of the puzzle. Like there was this great guy who got me and didn’t want me to be different. Except then you did.” Kit pushed a lock of hair out of his eyes. It glinted gold in the light from the bus stop. “And the worst of it is, I liked you so much that I tried tobedifferent.”
Drew’s sadness had decreased by about ten percent, but only to make way for crippling fear. “I’m sorry, I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean…like, any of this. Can we talk about it or fix it or—”
The bus turned the corner and rumbled to a stop in front of them, all cartoon bright and empty. Drew glared at it as if he could force it away again with the power of his mind.
“Please, Kit?”
Kit shook his head. “I’m done being with somebody who makes me feel bad about myself.” Then he was climbing the steps and swiping his bus pass.
He didn’t hesitate. Didn’t even look back.
The doors closed, and the bus pulled slowly away.
Drew wasn’t sure what to do or where to go or even where to look, but he was pretty sure he’d just been dumped at a bus stop. He started walking and, on a kind of autopilot, found himself back at Sanee and Steff’s. After a moment of staring blankly, he rang the bell and Sanee buzzed him up.
The evening had clearly been legit ruined. Andy and Tinuviel had left, Steff had gone to bed, and Sanee was in the middle of washing up when Drew let himself in.
“So, we’re thinking of getting T.I.M.E. Stories,” said Sanee, scrubbing away at a baking tray. “Except the whole only-play-it-once thing feels like it’s taking the piss.”
Drew wedged himself into the doorway of the tiny kitchen and burst into tears.
There was something a bit panicked about the rigid set of Sanee’s back, but he turned round and clumsily tugged Drew into a soapy hug, thumping him slightly aggressively between the shoulder blades in the universal signal forI’m hugging you but that doesn’t make me gay.“Aww, mate.”
Drew squeezed and sniffed and cried some more. And, after a moment or two, Sanee helped him into a chair, rolled off the Marigolds, and sat down opposite.
“Aww, mate,” he tried again.
Drew wiped his eyes. “I really fucked that up.”
“Honestly, it could have gone better. But couples fight. It’s what they do.”
“This was way worse than a fight. I’ve been a really shitty boyfriend, and now Kit thinks I want him to be someone else.”
“That’s bollocks. You’re obviously totally into him. I mean, dude, you went gay for the guy.”
“I didn’t go—” Drew put his head in his hands. “Look, that’s epically not the point.”
“Sorry. I just meant you look like quite a good boyfriend to me.”
“Yeah, that was kind of the problem. I was so focused on what you guys would think—about me and him and fuckingHoL—that I totally ignored what Kit wanted.”
“What’sHoLgot to do with anything?”
Drew gave him a genuinely dumbfounded look. “What…the… actual…hell? You’ve been taking the piss out of me for playing this game since I met you. You told me that you thought we were at risk of getting literally addicted to it. And that Kit’s behaviour was abnormal and unacceptable.”
“Whoa, whoa.” Sanee held up his hands. “Don’t put this on me. I was just winding you up. It’s what mates do.”
“Mates also care about what their mates think. And it didn’t sound like you were winding me up. It sounded like you meant every word of it.”
“I was just, like, saying stuff.7 Everybody takes the piss out ofHoL. Even people who playHoLtake the piss out ofHoL.”
“Well, maybe we shouldn’t. Maybe we should just accept that we like what we like.”
“I never said not to like it.” Sanee sounded faintly offended. “And if I’d known you were really bothered, I would’ve left it alone.”
“Why would I not be bothered by you constantly ripping the shit out of something I really enjoy doing?”
“Drew, I’m a skinny Asian dude who’s had one girlfriend in his entire life. I have all of two friends. You play actual sports. You can talk to girls and, as it turns out, boys. Being a nerd is basically optional for you.8 So why the hell would you be bothered by anything I say about anything?”
