Page 18 of Suddenly Desired
She shrugged, a small, rueful smile tugging at her lips. “I used to know someone like that. They wanted everyone to thinkthey were perfect — untouchable, even. But the cracks always showed when they thought no one was looking.”
“Your ex?” Blake probed, kindly.
Ellie nodded.
Blake’s expression darkened slightly, his hands resting on the table. “Sounds exhausting,” he said. “For him and for you.”
Ellie let out a short laugh, shaking her head. “You have no idea. Josh was so obsessed with being this picture-perfect version of himself that he couldn’t handle real emotions. If I ever got upset, he’d act like I was the problem. Either he’d sneer and fold his arms, or he’d just walk out of the room like I wasn’t worth his time.”
She glanced up, catching the flicker of anger in Blake’s eyes. It surprised her how much it reassured her.
“He just,” she continued, her voice softer now, “couldn’t let me see him as anything less than perfect.”
Blake’s jaw tightened, and Ellie could feel the heat radiating off him, his frustration palpable.
“He never wanted a real connection,” she said, her voice gaining a sharp edge. “It was all for show. Everything about him was so . . . shallow.”
She stopped abruptly, realising she was venting way too much. “Sorry,” she said quickly, shaking her head. “I didn’t mean to dump all that on you. That was probably way too much. I just wanted you to know that I can see you’re not pretending to be someone you’re not, but it just came out in a stream of crap about my ex.”
She blurted out a laugh and cupped her hands over her face.
Blake pushed his cup aside, his hands now stretched across the table, like he wanted her to take them. “It’s not too much,” he said, his voice steady. “It’s honest. And you’re right — there are a lot of people like that. And I’m glad you can see I’m not one of them.”
Their eyes met, and the intensity in his look nearly stole her breath. There was no mask, no pretension — just the raw pull of him and the quiet strength that seemed to radiate from every part of him. His voice slid over her skin like a touch she was already craving.
“I’m starting to see that,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper, the air between them almost crackling.
Blake glanced down at their outstretched hands, their fingers so close they may as well have been touching. For a second, Ellie thought he was about to close the gap, but then his eyes flicked to his watch. A pang of disappointment shot through her. Was this it? Had she got too personal, pushed too far?
“Shall I get you another?” she blurted out, speaking before her brain had the opportunity to stop her. “I haven’t quite hit my caffeine buzz yet.”
He chuckled, low and warm, shaking his head. “As tempting as that sounds, I think I’ll pass. I’m already going to be wired enough just from being here.” His smile softened. “I’m glad I could get your notebook back to you.”
They both stared at the little pink notebook that sat on the table. Ellie felt a creeping sense of embarrassment at what he might have seen inside it.
“It’s just a silly thing,” she mumbled. “I use it to jot down random ideas. Helps me keep track of my thoughts because I’m so scatterbrained.”
“I think it’s great,” he said. “When I was first setting up Heartbook I wrote everything in notebooks. There were hundreds of them, overflowing with messy ideas, terrible pitches and sketches.”
She smiled. How did he have a way of making her feel so much better about herself? Josh had always kicked her notebooks under the bed, hating the way they cluttered their apartment.
“My mum is the same,” he went on. “When I was growing up she used to fill a notebook a week. I got the habit from her. I count those notebooks as one of the reasons I am where I am. They’re not silly things at all.”
Ellie’s cheeks burned as she thought of her notebook’s contents. “Well, you obviously didn’t read too much of mine,” she teased, though her voice wavered slightly.God, please don’t let him have seen the boyfriend lists.
Blake’s lips twitched. “I just glanced through,” he said. “I’m so sorry. It was the only way of finding out who it belonged to. I didn’t read much, just the odd line here or there.”
“That’s a relief,” Ellie said.
“But I did catch the thing on the last page,” he went on. “The interview material.”
“Oh crap, youdidn’t!” she said, mortified. “It was just to help me focus. I—”
He was holding up a hand. “Can I show you something?”
“Sure,” she said.
He dug a hand into the back pocket of his jeans, pulling out a small, black book. Flicking through it and shaking his head as if he couldn’t believe what he was about to do, he placed it on the table, facing her. His handwriting was small, and a little messy, and she couldn’t help but smile as she read it.
