Page 98 of Dancing Fools and All That Jazz
‘Oh, for crying out loud, Clarissa, he did it deliberately the little…’ My expletive is drowned by the ship’s horn.
Passengers start to complain and shout ‘Dépêchez-vous’ and ‘Allez’.
I have no choice but to clamp my mouth shut and push Hazel forward.
‘Oh, Ruby.’ Monica puts her arm around me as I look despondently into the now still river water. ‘That’s both of us without phones now.’
*
Even by taxi it takes almost an hour to get back to our hotel. We see distant fireworks going off in the Paris night sky.
‘Must be some kind of celebration. It is too early for Bastille Day. That is not until July,’ Fay remarks.
We watch the display from the taxi windows and lapse into a sleepy silence until Cath, in her beautiful lilting Irish voice begins to sing about Roman candles burning in the night. Those of us who know the Ash song, ‘Shining Light’, join in quietly one by one and as we finish the song the emotion is palpable. I don’t know who everyone else is thinking about, but when I think about the light in my life, I can’t get Max’s face out of my head.
We’re all knackered when we finally get back to our room having found the Smut Hotel lift was still broken but eventually locating a service elevator for Fay in her wheelchair. Fay is almost faint with relief to get to a bathroom where Ingrida offers to help her.
I feel like someone has cut off my arm without my phone. I keep going to check it forgetting it’s gone. Asha lets me borrow hers and I try to call Will, but it goes to answer phone. In the end, I have to leave a message.
Will, I’m sorry I missed your calls. I hope you’re OK. We were on a boat without Wi-Fi or a decent reception. Anyhow, now my phone’s at the bottom of the River Seine – long story – and Monica’s phone is smashed, so can you send me a message on this number? This is Asha’s phone and if you need to speak to me, ring here. But even if you don’t need to speak to me, send a message anyway. I just need to know you’re OK. Love you.
I hand Asha her phone back. She gives me a smile having heard the voicemail.
‘I can leave my phone on overnight in case your son calls.’
‘Thanks, Asha.’ She doesn’t look well, and I wonder if the food has disagreed with her. I also vaguely wonder what’s up between Asha and Ingrida as there’s definitely a bit of an edge between them. I guess tempers fray when you’re with others twenty-four-seven.
I think about Max. It would be tempting to call him from Asha’s phone, but I can’t for the life of me remember his number. Anyway, I expect he is on a flight home. I wonder if he got my voicemail? I guess if he can’t be bothered to let me explain, he isn’t worth bothering with. Probably just as well he hasn’t become a permanent fixture. I just need to get over this stupid prevailing sense of loss…
We’re all settled in our beds quickly, and I toss and turn to the sounds of Bonnie’s snoring before falling into a fitful sleep.
Stark images bombard me; I’m drowning in churning water. The face of the vile deckhand is gloating above the water line as I sink. A phone is ringing. It’s just out of reach and I can’t get to it. I end up awake and unable to sleep for hours. As a distraction to the awful nightmare, I force my thoughts into planning my new dating business in fine detail, determined to write it all down in the morning.
28
Ingrida
Dear God, I am… what is English word forniknãs?Ah yes, furious. I am furious with Asha who let Bonnie and Cath think it is me with the positive pregnant test. I am also furious with Neil. He has not called. Not once. And I need to warn him about Kazimieras.Please God, get Neil to call me and please give me strength and take away my worry, anger and pain.I pause and try to remember how it is Reverend Prudence ends her prayers. Ah yes,please guide my ways.Paldies Dievam.
I say this prayer when I am in the toilets on the boat. I hear someone enter the ladies and Asha calls, ‘Ingrida, are you there? I need to speak to you.’
I do not reply.
‘Ingrida?’
I stay silent and after a few minutes the outer door closes. I will speak with Asha soon but not now. God, he tell me, ‘Speak to Asha tomorrow.’
My phone buzzes and I see Neil has sent me a message –Paldies Dievam– and I hurry to open it.
Ingrida, sorry I didn’t get a chance to call today. I will try to call tomorrow, but it’s full on with the children. You know how it is. Hope you’reenjoying your dancing. Grace, Theo and Lizzy send their love XXXX
I want to send message back saying, why have you not told Maya’s parents we are married? And why doyounot send me your love? But I can see Neil has put four kisses, not three. I am in confusion and cannot find words to reply so I put my phone away.
I try my best to enjoy the boat meal, especially as it did not cost any money because Hazel kindly pay. Although I am sitting with all the dance ladies, I do not feel part of the conversation. So, I sip the champagne, which is very good, eat the excellent food and look at the lights of Paris as others chat.
Ruby and Monica, they are leaning into each other and laugh loudly on and off. I do not understand how they are friends again if Ruby has been sleeping with Monica’s husband, unless Asha has told us wrong. Ruby, she has not speak to me since our dance performance.
I sit next to Fay but she spend the evening talking with Hazel and they speak in quiet voices and do not include me. Once I hear Fay say something about hatching some wonderful plan, but I have no idea what this mean.
