Page 117 of Bagging the Blueliner
“I guess it meant more to me than it did to him.”
“I don’t believe that,” she countered. “Jaxon told me what Cal said to you. If you meant nothing to him, why were you on his mind while he was on the ice?”
“It was my nagging in his head. Not feelings,” I muttered, resentment seeping into my tone.
Natalie twisted her lips in thought. “What I think is that what happened last night scared him. I’m sure when he gets home, he’ll realize he made a mistake and come to his senses.”
I shook my head. “Even if he got down on his hands and knees, I wouldn’t take him back after this.”
“Hannah, you don’t mean that.”
“No, I do,” I said with conviction. “I was a mess after he was injured. You saw me. I spent hours crying, scared out of my mind that he might never wake up. And then, when he did, and I was hopeful that everything would be all right, he turned it around on me before dumping me. I won’t ever let him get close enough to hurt me like that again.”
“Love’s not always easy. Sometimes—”
“Fuck love!” I cut her off. “He never loved me. And thanks to my theatrics, everyone knows we were together. This is such a mess.”
Taking my hand, Natalie asked, “What can I do to help? Jaxon and I will always be here for you.”
I sighed. “I can’t ask you to choose sides in this. He’s Jaxon’s best friend.”
“And you’re mine,” she countered. “Jaxon told me he wanted to bring you to our house last night, but you refused. You always have a place with us. Now, I’ll ask again. What can I do?”
What could anyone do? I was forever changed by a man who couldn’t care less about me. He’d been my first “serious” relationship, and if this was what it felt like when it ended, I wanted no part in having another.
I was so embarrassed for how I’d acted last night. Not only would everyone in the organization and working in the arena know about our involvement, they’d also quickly learn that it was over. I couldn’t show my face there for a while. I wouldn’t survive the whispers, knowing I was the subject of gossip and speculation.
Sitting up against my headboard, Natalie mirrored the action, and a sudden flash of pain hit me. I was reminded of that one night Cal had spent down here with me when I was sick. He’d been so kind and caring, putting my needs first. How could it have all been an act?
“I can’t go back there,” I whispered.
“Where? The rink?” Natalie asked.
“Not right now. It’s too hard.”
“Cal’s not going to be cleared to play for a while. You don’t have to worry about seeing him.”
Shaking my head, I explained, “It’s not just about him. Everyone will be looking at me. I’m a mess, and I need a minute to get myself put back together.”
Understanding, Natalie nodded. “Okay. How can we make that happen?”
“I can work from home, that’s never been an issue, but can you talk to my dad? See about getting a replacement anthem singer for the rest of the playoffs? I don’t need to be the train wreck trending on social media with the national television coverage.”
Natalie sighed. We both knew that the kind of national spotlight on the Conference Finals could get me noticed. Hell, at this point, I’d happily hop on the first flight to Nashville or LA if it meant getting as far away from Cal as humanly possible. The best songs were born from heartbreak, so maybe I should get a head start and put my feelings down on paper. If only it didn’t mean that every time I heard them, I would think of him.
“Okay,” she agreed. “You might want to let your dad know that you’re all right, though. Jaxon might’ve been the one to intercept you down in the tunnels last night, but your dad was the one who kept the rest of the team in the locker room. He saw the whole thing, and I have never seen him look so devastated.”
I hung my head. “He’s going to be so disappointed in me.”
“I’m sure he’s more worried about you than anything else. Do you know how lucky you are? To have parents that only want to protect you and see you happy? That love you unconditionally?” Softly, she added, “I never had that.”
She was right. My dad might be upset that I, along with one of his players, had directly disobeyed his wishes, but he would never shut me out. Natalie’s parents, on the other hand, had practically forced her into her first marriage for social gain. They’d had no regard for their daughter’s well-being, and in return, were cut out of her life. It was one of the many reasons why my mom and dad had taken her in as one of their own.
I would rather face my parents in my current state of disgrace—knowing they would never turn their backs on me—than have ones who didn’t care.
Hugging my best friend tightly, I whispered, “Thank you for giving me a little bit of perspective. And for being there for me, no matter what.”
Pulling back, Natalie gave me a small smile. “You’ve been there for me in my darkest days. It’s about damn time you let me return the favor.”
