Page 106 of Second-Rate Superstar
Skating to the lake's edge, I sat on the snowy embankment, removing my skates and slipping on the boots I’d left by the fire pit along the shoreline. As I neared the house, my steps slowed, but I powered past my mental block and forced myself through the back door.
Dropping my gear in the mudroom, I searched for Dakota. When I didn’t find her in her room, the kitchen, or the living room, my chest tightened, and my pulse kicked. Had she left? Hightailed it back to Hartford because I couldn’t man up and face what I’d done?
God, why was I so bad at this?
Then, I heard her soft voice and every muscle relaxed at once. But I couldn’t figure out where it was coming from.
Willing my racing heart to settle so I could hear better, I stalked through the room, closer and closer to where the voice spoke in hushed tones. The baby monitor on the coffee table was where my search led me. Picking it up, I dropped onto the couch, staring at the woman I loved with her hand splayed across Max’s chest in his bassinet.
It was the most beautiful sight I’d ever seen. Her soft smile as she stared at the sleepy baby stole my breath away. It was a glimpse into the future—a future I so desperately wanted. And not with just anyone, with her.Only her.
I was about to go up to the master suite when I made out what she was saying to Max. “You’re a lucky little guy, so surrounded by love.” My heart squeezed, knowing how desperately Dakota wished she had a family who cared about her. I was determined to give that to her. “Your dad seems like a standup guy.” She let out a heavy breath. “But your uncle? He’s more complex. Just when I think I have him figured out, he flips the script.”
Any hope rising in my chest died at her words. She thought Jaxon was better than me, just like everyone else.
And maybe she was right. Jaxon would have never left her alone the morning after taking her virginity. Jaxon would have never hurt her the way I did, both physically and emotionally. Self-doubt and insecurities didn’t paralyze Jaxon, threatening to ruin any chance at happiness he might find.
Once again, I’d tried and failed to measure up.
Story of my fucking life.
Stars sparkled overhead on a cloudless night as a full moon reflected off the snow covering every surface, illuminating the lake. The sky was black, but the world around me wasn’t dark. The illusion of snow glowing was eerie for some, but I loved nights like tonight. Or at least, I used to.
Now, all I could see as I stared out at the black lake before me as a fire crackled at my feet was Dakota—her pain, her disappointment, her sadness. All because of me.
Just when I finally had something good in my life, I’d gone and fucked it all up.
“Cold night.” My brother’s voice spoke from behind me. “Thought you could use a drink.”
Jaxon stepped up to the table resting between the Adirondack chairs, and placed down two glasses and a bottle of liquor that sparkled amber in the firelight. He poured a healthy amount for each of us and dropped into the other chair.
Taking a sip, I winced as the scotch burned a path down my throat. This was good. Maybe it would help numb my mind enough to forget the all-consuming anguish of the past twenty-four hours.
“You’ve been out here all day. Wanna talk about it?” Jaxon asked, eyes trained on the lake.
Staring up at the stars, I breathed out, “I think I fucked up.”
“With Dakota?” When I nodded, he said, “Whatever it is, you’re hurting her more by staying away. Trust me. Relationships are hard, even the good ones. They take work. Every. Single. Day. There are no days off—days when you can just disappear and think issues will resolve on their own. It’s not always fun hashing out problems or eating crow when you realize you were wrong, but it’s necessary. That is, if you want something long-term with this girl. If you don’t, then you probably shouldn’t have brought her home, letting the kids and Natalie get attached.”
I scoffed. “Of course, I want long-term with her. She’s the one.”
“Then you need to get over yourself and get in that house. Figure it out.”
He was right. But I needed to get it off my chest first.
“Last night, when you were at Mom and Dad’s, we took our relationship to the next level.” When Jaxon only stared at me, I clarified, “Physically.”
“Yeah, I got that part.” He chuckled. “Just trying to figure out what you did wrong that had you hiding outside in the Minnesota chill all day.” Jaxon’s eyes widened. “Oh, shit. Are you worried you can’t live up to the book boyfriends she writes?”
“Book boyfriends?”
“You know . . . the male main characters. The hero. Usually over six feet tall, jacked, has a massive cock, and knows how to make a woman orgasm simply by looking at them,” he explained.
“Uhhhh.” I couldn’t help but gawk at the words coming out of my brother’s mouth.
“I get it.” He nodded. “But what some might view as unrealistic standards created for men by women can be used to your advantage. Think of them as instruction manuals.” Jaxon snapped his fingers. “Or inspiration! Ask her if there’s a scene she wants to re-enact. Should fix it.”
I waved my hand in a circular motion in front of his face. “I’m gonna pretend you didn’t just say any of that, okay?”
