Page 34 of Coming Home Country
A corner of my lips pulled up. “I don’t know about that. I’d say more like determined as hell to make this whole thing work.”
The Sullivans had bought this piece of land before Aspen was born; the cabin we sat in was the only structure on the premises back then. They’dbuilt their breeding ranch from the ground up, and I could respect the sacrifices made to achieve their dream.
My best friend dropped her head onto my shoulder and sighed. “Yeah, I suppose. I don’t remember much about living here since we moved into the big house when I was three. But being here now with Mac, I can kinda see how it would have been romantic when it was just the two of them.”
“It’s almost like a family tradition now,” I mused. “Guess Tripp’s next when he finally makes a move on Penny.”
Aspen snorted. “At the rate he’s going, my future kids will end up using this cabin with their spouses first.”
Talk about kids had my mind returning to that cold, dark storm cellar, and I shivered. Aspen picked up on it immediately with our bodies side by side.
“You okay?” Her head lifted, eyes scanning my face.
I blew out a breath and squeezed my eyes shut before asking, “How much do you know about Tucker’s ex?”
The silence stretched on for so long that I forced myself to crack one eyelid open. Aspen stared back at me with heartbreak written across her face.
“So you know, then,” I said softly.
Her lips twisted to the side. “Do you?”
I lifted one shoulder. “Our time spent sheltering in place was eventful, to say the least. Everything kinda boiled over with us stuck in a confined space.”
Aspen banded her arms around me, hugging me tight. “How do you feel about it all?”
Huffing out a wry laugh, I replied, “Just as blindsided as I was ten years ago.”
“He blames himself, you know.”
The anguish on his face when he’d told me the truth was still so fresh in my mind.
My lower lip trembled thinking about all he’d shared. “I spent all this time hurting. I had no idea he was suffering, too.” I couldn’t stop the tears from blurring my vision. “I thought something was wrong with me, that I wasn’t good enough for him and he found someone better.”
“Oh, Bex. I’m so sorry.” Aspen’s thick voice betrayed she’d grown emotional on my behalf.
“If only . . .” I let out a shuddering breath. “If only he’d told me what was going on back then. Maybe I could have been the voice of reason and demanded he take the proper steps to confirm her story before jumping head-first into a major life decision.”
“We can play the what-if game all day long. But he was scared out of his mind to lose you, and then, in his mind, it became moot when she claimed to be pregnant. It’s easy to look back with the gift of hindsight as a mature adult and say you would have handled it rationally, but you were practically still a kid. It was too heavy of a situation for either of you to face at that age. You might have still come away brokenhearted, and who knows if you would have ever trusted Tucker again. I know you loved him . . .”
Loved. Past tense.
If that were true, I wouldn’t still be in so much pain from his betrayal—a betrayal that hadn’t actually happened.
No, I was still in love with Tucker Grant, even if most days, it was hard to breathe, knowing that love wasn’t returned.
Now, I knew better.
My head dropped back onto the headboard. “What am I supposed to do now, Aspen? I’ve got this whole life in Chicago. Am I expected to throw it all away after a few words of apology and explanation? Run right back into Tucker’s arms like no time has passed? Life doesn’t work like that. Imight be able to forgive, but I can’t forget how it changed the trajectory of my future. I’m a different person because of what happened back then.”
Pulling back, Aspen scanned my face with a tilt of her head. “You still love him, don’t you?”
I slid her a side-eye; she knew it was true without asking. Why else would I have run from everything that could possibly remind me of him?
It didn’t matter how battered and bruised Tucker had left that organ inside my chest; it still longed for him. So many nights, I’d begged God to take away these feelings, but he never answered my prayers. I finally understood the reason why. Because He knew the truth about what had happened to Tucker and that, someday, I would learn it too.
Aspen frowned. “You’re dating Aaron.”
Fuck. Aaron. I wasn’t just dating him; I was engaged to him.
