Page 7 of Coming Home Country
Mac stared at me expectantly, like the answer to my question should be obvious. When I didn’t come to the same conclusion on my own, he shouted, “Tell her the truth!”
My eyes darted around the bar. In this town, even the walls had ears, and my companion was known for drawing attention with his expressive personality.
“Why bother?” I shrugged.
“What’s the alternative? You live the rest of your life tortured over a mistake that,technically, you didn’t even make?”
The crushing weight of regret settled over my chest. Since my ex-wife’s deception came to light five years ago, I’d spent every waking moment wishing I could go back and change how I reacted. My mistake had been being too trusting, taking her word at face value. But in the moment, I’d panicked, and no matter how hard I wished it were possible, I couldn’t take any of it back. Decisions made at twenty years old had altered the course of not only my life but Bex’s.
Resting my forearms on the bar top, I shook my head in defeat. “She’s happy now. What kind of selfish man comes in out of left field to dredge up the past and secretly hope that it’s enough for her to magically fall into my arms again?”
“The better man,” he declared with confidence. “I’ve known guys like him my whole life. The kind that are willing to step on others if it means getting ahead. Trust me when I tell you he’s a giant asshole. He might think he’s got the ‘charming lawyer’ smile on lock, but I noticed the lip curl he couldn’t hide when Aspen gushed about how proud she was of me for pursuing my career as a firefighter during our meetups in Chicago. Like he was disgusted that I’d throw away a life like his, craving power and willing to obtain it by any means necessary.”
The man was like a dog with a bone, so I was forced to hammer the point home. “That’s whoshechose.”
Mac scoffed. “Aspen doesn’t think she even loves him.”
It didn’t matter how hard I tried to extinguish it; the tiniest flicker of hope lit up inside my chest.
Swallowing past the lump in my throat, I asked, “Why would she think that?”
My buddy lifted his tumbler of whiskey, taking a sip. “I don’t have the specifics. All I know is that Aspen is getting the vibe that it’s easier for Bex to be in a relationship with someone at work than to try to find someone she’s more compatible with.”
At the idea that she was unhappy and settling, I let out a groan. “Way to twist the knife.”
Unapologetic, he shrugged. “I’ll do whatever it takes to spur you into action. If what you’ve told me is true and there’s no one else for you but Bex, then you need to shoot your shot.”
“It’s not that easy. I can’t just snap my fingers and erase the pain I’ve caused. She doesn’t even come home to see her mother, for Christ’s sake.” I pressed a finger hard into my chest. “Me. I did that. No one else.”
“With a shove by a manipulative bitch,” he muttered.
“Yeah, well.” I let out a deep exhale. “Guess it’s a good thing it was all a farce. I thank God every day that I don’t have any permanent ties to that woman. But it doesn’t change anything. I made choices, turned a blind eye to glaringly obvious red flags, and it ruined multiple lives. If I do what you’re suggesting—try to win Bex back—I’m no better than Brooke, breaking up a relationship. Doesn’t matter if the guy is a Grade-A prick. I won’t do it.”
“Fine.” Mac pushed out his lower lip in an exaggerated pout. “I only hope you don’t come to regret sitting on your hands and doing nothing.”
My lips twisted as I said wryly, “Just add it to the list. It’s a mile long already.”
Pushing off his stool, he clapped me on the back. “All right, I’m headed home. See you tomorrow?”
“Yeah. I’ll be there.” I tried to sound enthusiastic about the lead-up to his wedding, but it was hard to do that when you were headed to the gallows.
Bex wasnotgoing to be happy to see me.
I tossed and turned all night. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stop my mind from replaying the memory of the last time I’d spoken to Bex on repeat.
It was the absolute worst day of my life.
When she called me that night, I almost didn’t pick up the phone. I knew deep down in my gut the reason why. That somehow, she’d found out what I’d done and would demand answers I wasn’t ready to give. Because the minute I did, our future together would be officially dead.
But I was a coward. So, I accepted the call because I couldn’t bear the thought of looking her in the eye and watching as the devastation played out across her face when I told her why I’d postponed coming home for Christmas.
Then, I said the words that ripped both of our hearts out of our chests in a single breath.
“I’m married.”
Her cries of disbelief would haunt me to my dying day. She’d begged me to tell her I was lying, that after all the promises I’d made, I wouldn’t choose someone else.
God, I would have given anything to take away her pain, but the reality was that I was the cause.
