Page 39 of Before You Can Blink
“Shit,” Wade muttered under his breath. “Didn’t think you ever wanted kids.”
“Used to not want a wife either, but look at me now.”
The man beside me visibly shuddered. “Better you than me.”
My head fell back against the seat of his truck. “Not gonna lie to you, man. It feels like life is happeningtome these days. The illusion of having any control in it was shattered along with my collarbone when I fell off that horse.”
“I take it this wasn’t something you planned?”
Twisting my neck, I shot him a look that said,What do you think?
Filling my lungs with air, I exhaled slowly. “Still trying to wrap my mind around it. If she weren’t so sick, I’d have a hard time believing this was even happening.”
Wade’s expression turned sympathetic. “She having a rough go of it?”
I lifted my good shoulder in a half shrug. “She says it’s normal, but I don’t know. I hate feeling helpless, knowing there’s nothing I can do to make it better. Throw in watching her drag herself to work every morning after spending half the night hugging the toilet, and my self-loathing is at an all-time high. It’s fucking backwards that she’s the one supporting me while pregnant. If my pop were still alive, he’d be tearing into my ass for not taking care of my responsibilities the way I should have from the start.”
“I’m guessin’ you don’t have enough stashed away that she can take the rest of the year off?”
A loud snort sounded. “If I did, do you think we’d still be living above the bar?”
Jesus, we couldn’t bring a baby home from the hospital to that shitty little apartment where the floorboards rattled from the loud music downstairs until two in the morning every night.
“Hell, if it hadn’t been for Daisy’s health insurance covering most of my hospital stay, that would have wiped out my entire bank account,” I tacked on to emphasize how broke I was.
Every time I thought about bringing an innocent life into our current situation, it only added to the list of reasons why we weren’t anywhere near ready to start a family. But like it or not, we were barreling full steam ahead toward parenthood.
“Okay . . .” Wade said slowly. “Suppose all you can really do is heal up and get back at it when the season starts up again in March.”
“Daisy’s due at the end of March.”
“Fine, you’ll get a late start, then. So long as you’re winning, it won’t make much difference.”
Shaking my head, I explained, “Nah, I’m done with all that.”
“Done?” His voice rose in disbelief. “What do you mean, you’re done?”
I gestured to the sling positioned over my chest. “It’s a goddamn miracle I walked away alive. That hoof comes down six inches higher, and I’m a dead man. My wife would have been widowed at twenty-seven, and my kid would have grown up never knowing their father. I’m not about to keep courting danger when I’ve got a family counting on me.”
“All right, I get it. But what are you gonna do now?”
“Beats me,” I breathed out. “Riding broncs and rodeoing is all I know. And I don’t respond all that well to people telling me what to do, so I’m not sure how long I’d be able to hold onto any job I might manage to snag in town.”
“You’re right about that,” he agreed. “I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”
I wished I shared his confidence. But with my back against the wall and the clock ticking, I was sweating bullets trying to figure out how I was going to take care of my family. Not just now but in the long run.
The truck resumed its forward motion, but we didn’t make it far before a large sign posted by the roadside caught my eye.
With my finger pointed toward it through the windshield, I asked Wade, “What’s that?”
He hummed. “Parcel of land in foreclosure. Old Man Livingston thought about buyin’ it up, but it’s too far out, there’s no way to connect it to his property.”
“How much land we talking?”
“Touch over two thousand acres.”
The wheels began to turn in my mind. I might not be able to compete anymore, but what if there was a way to keep my hand in the game? After all, you couldn’t have bronc riding without bucking horses, and quality ones at that.
