Page 46 of For the Love of Skating
26
Granger
We won the game, I’m going to be skating for my dream team starting mid summer for training, and my parents finally came to watch me skate a few days ago. I should be celebrating all these achievements, but the funny thing is, that I feel anything but happy. My fucking Princess was supposed to be here with me, tucked close to my body and by my side where I always want her. I fucked up big time, and her face the last time I saw her said it all.
I’m lost without her, and I can’t think of a way to fix it. I could blame Victoria for all of this, talking to Kat and telling her about the pregnancy before I ever got a chance, but the thing is…there were plenty of times it could have come up, but I was a coward. By her facial expression the moment Victoria told her, I just fucking knew it was all going to go downhill.
During half-time, I had decided to talk to her and not jump to conclusions about her getting into a car with another man. To hear her side of the story and for one goddamn time in my life, learn to trust her because she deserved that. But no, I had to open my mouth and accuse her of practically cheating on me, even if it wasn’t official between us yet. She looked so hurt and betrayed that my mouth couldn’t form words. I don’t even know if she knows the full story, I just caught the end of Victoria telling her about the baby.
Three long, miserable nights have passed, and I deserve every lonely moment because I’m a screw up. Finding love for the first time and watching it walk away really does something to a man. It’s like someone took a knife to my chest, cut my heart out, carved their initials into it, and then stuck it back in so I have something to remember them by.
I really miss my Princess, but then again, she might be better off without me. How can she love me when I’ve hurt her? She’ll move on in no time, and I’ll be just a memory of college years. The thought alone of her with another man makes me want to chew them up for breakfast and spit them out. I really need to get myself together and maybe stop coming to the bar off campus, but I can’t stand being at home, where her things are, where the memories eat me alive every waking moment.
“Can I get you anything else to drink?” the bartender asks, and for the life of me, I can’t remember his name. My mind can’t focus on anything. I’m pretty sure he’s told me three nights in a row, but I’ve decided to call him Joe, and he’ll be a Joe until I get my head on straight.
My phone chimes in my pocket, and it’s probably my parents again. Since the game, they’ve been calling non stop, asking if Kat and I made up yet because they like her. I mean, who wouldn’t? She’s talented, smart, funny, and so damn beautiful, she makes my eyes sting like looking into the sun. My parents knew about the whole mess last year with Victoria, and yet they wanted me to go chase after Kat, saying she isn’t someone you let run away when you just found them. The question is, if I caught her, would she want to stay in my arms? These thoughts drift through my head as I stare down at my half full drink, hunched over the bar and ignoring everything else around me.
“No, Joe. Not right now. Maybe in a little bit,” I grumble grumpily under my breath, and glare at the shiny wood surface of the bar top as if it holds the answers to my problems.
A hand clamps on my shoulder with a pounding of his palm before he pulls out a bar stool next to me. I don’t bother looking over because I know it’s Beast. You could hear his stomping feet a mile away, plus he’s been coming here just as much as me every night. Kat is holed up with Mary in her dorm, and apparently, Mary’s not answering for anyone, even the moody giant next to me.
“How many has he had, Jake?” By his wary tone, you’d figure I’m three sheets to the wind, but it’s not like that at all.
Hey, at least I got one thing correct. I knew Joe’s name started with a letter J.
“None. He’s been sipping on Pepsi all night again,” Joe who is now Jake says with an exasperated sigh. He’s probably shaking his head at my pathetic self.
“Bro, you have to man the fuck up and go get your girl. It’s not just killing you, but me too. I haven’t been able to see my Latino goddess in person for three whole days. But I’ve had a tongue lashing over the phone every single day,” he says in a gruff voice, turning towards me on his stool to look at me.
My hair is unkempt, there’s dark circles under my eyes from lack of sleep, and I feel bone tired. I’ve only been able to make it through class and hockey practice by some miracle, but the moment I stand still, it all comes back. Grabbing my glass, I swirl around on my seat to look at him fully, and almost feel bad because he doesn’t look so good himself.
“What the fuck am I supposed to do? She hates me. I couldn’t—didn’t tell her about everything, Beast, and she might never forgive me for that. She’s already been through so much, and I just added to it.” My voice comes out deeper than usual, emotions climbing up my throat so it makes it hard to talk.
“Do you love her?” He stares me right in the eyes, telling me to not bullshit him.
“Yes.” My answer is simple and matter of fact. I’d have to be the dumbest motherfucker to not love that girl.
“You’re a dumb motherfucker. You're sitting on your ass in self-pity when you could be at her door, begging for forgiveness and praying to God that she takes you back. Take back what’s yours and never let it go, before it’s too late.” He steals my drink out of my hand and drains it in one gulp before slamming the glass on the bar.
Standing, he slaps me on the back and tells me to stop being someone I’m not before he walks out. Dropping a few singles on the bar, I walk out the door with one destination on my mind. My hands shake as I rake them through my hair, and my stomach drops down to my ass with nerves.
That son of a bitch is right. I’ve always been a man to go after what he believes in, and I’ve believed Kat was meant to be by my side since the moment I saw her skating on my ice. A small smile comes over my face at the memory of her telling me off that day, putting me in my place before gracefully walking away from me like the princess she is. Even if she doesn’t love me back, I at least want her to know the truth and hope she doesn’t slam the door in my face before I’m finished telling her everything.
* * *
The door slamsin my face, but not by who I thought would be shutting me out. A growl of frustration climbs up my throat, but I hold it back with a deep breath. An idea comes to me, so I pull out my phone and text the son of a bitch to get his ass over here and calm his woman down.
“You got some nerve showing your face here, fucker.” Mary’s muffled voice comes through the door as I repeatedly smack my head against the door frame. “Are you happy? I hope not, you broke her heart! I should rip that baby making penis off and stick it up your butt,” she shouts, then goes silent when I don’t respond.
Seconds later, the door cracks open with her tan face peaking through and hostile eyes glaring at me. She tries to slam the door in my face, but I place my hand against the wooden door and plead with my eyes for her to hear me out.
“Please, Mary, I have to see her and explain.” She must hear how I’m barely hanging on by a thread because she rolls her eyes and opens the door wider to let me through.
“She’s not here by the way, but you look… You're miserable too. Tell me why I shouldn’t kick your butt out of here and convince Kat to move to another school far away from you?” She crosses her arms, leaning back against her desk as she looks me up and down.
My pale faces at the thought of Kat leaving because of the fucked up shit I did and never being able to see her again. I look Mary straight in the eye, inhaling deeply so I say the right thing while standing in the open doorway.
“I don’t have a baby and never did, Mary. I need to tell Kat the story first before you, she deserves to hear it from me. Where is she? I’m just going to talk to her, and if she never wants to see me again…I’ll leave her alone, even if it kills me.” She tilts her head to the side as she stares at me for a long moment and sighs, striding to stand right in front of me.
