Page 45 of Crossroads of Innocence
She bit her bottom lip, the hesitation in her eyes sharper than a knife.
“Please.”
“Okay,” she said, slowly raising to her feet.
He wanted to take her hand, but instead shot off a text to make sure his plan would work. A quick approval was sent back, and he tipped his head toward the door, shoved his hands in his pockets, and led the way out. “We’ll need our coats, so we’ll stop by the room and grab Macey.”
She narrowed her eyes, chin tilted at an angle. “Outside? It’s freezing.”
“Like I said. Trust me.”
He stayed beside her as they walked down the stairs and down the hall to the room they’d shared. He tried his darndest to ignore the bed and piles of rumpled sheets, but he couldn’t stop the ache in his chest from spreading through the rest of his body. He’d screwed things up by taking that call into the bathroom. If he wanted any kind of future with Jude, time had come to share every part of himself with her.
Jude shrugged into her leather jacket and snapped on Macey’s leash before handing it to him. “All right. Let’s head out.”
He waited until they stepped into the cold air, the sun bright in the blue sky. “As we walk, I’d like to clear up a few things.”
Jude kept her focus fixed on the worn path they walked that wound around to the back of the lodge toward the lake. “We don’t have to do this.”
“Yes, I do. I didn’t handle things well this morning, and I regret that more than you know.” He tightened his grip on the leash and wished he had a pair of gloves.
She snorted, the gravel crunching under her shoes combining with the calls of nature from the nearby trees. “What? You wish you’d let the call go to voicemail?”
He grabbed hold of her wrist and turned her toward him. Tiny waves lapped along the lake behind her. “I’ll answer Summer’s phone calls any time they come.”
A wounded expression pinched Jude’s face. “Good to know.”
“No, you don’t understand. Summer works at the nursing home where my mom lives. She’s a friend and keeps an eye out, letting me know if Mama’s having a hard day or something’s agitated her.”
Jude’s mouth formed a small O but no sound came out.
“Mama had a rough time last night, which means she’ll probably have a rough day. I make time to see her on certain days. We keep a pretty rigid schedule to make sure things are consistent as possible for her. It makes her life a little easier. I usually visit on Sundays, and when I didn’t show or call, it threw Mama all out of whack.” His voice caught on the last word. He hated that his mother lived in such a state that something so small could ruin an entire day.
Jude twisted her hand so it released his grip on her wrist then nestled her palm against his and squeezed. “You never mentioned your mom was in a nursing home. Only that she moved and couldn’t take Macey with her.”
He shrugged. “It’s not easy to talk about with anyone, but especially with you. You knew her so damn well. You have memories of a fun, smart, and vibrant woman. Having to explain her mind is failing her—that I had to sell everything I could in order to afford to put her in a care facility because I couldn’t take care of her anymore—isn’t something I even know how to do.”
“Dementia?” she asked, face falling.
He nodded.
“Oh Wade, I’m so sorry.”
The words he was supposed to say sat on the tip of his tongue. It’s okay. We’re fine. Thanks, but it’s not your fault.
But he couldn’t make himself spit them out. Because it wasn’t okay and no one was fine.
Pressure built behind his eyes, and he sniffed back all the sadness and frustration and fear he constantly carried around with him. “It really, really sucks.” For the first time, he said exactly what he wanted, what he felt about watching his mother slip further and further away from him every day.
“I wish I had some magic words to make you feel better,” Jude said, voice low and soft. “But I know you’re making all the right decisions. Doing everything you can for her.”
Her confidence in him misted his eyes. “I doubt myself all the time. I hate that she’s not with me. That I’m not the one caring for her. But I just can’t. Every spare minute I have, which isn’t much, is devoted to her. To being around for whatever she needs. She’s the only other blond in my life worth a damn, and the one that means more to me than anything.”
She wrinkled her nose. “I’m sorry I said that. I was jealous and spit out something stupid. I wanted to wake up this morning and feel loved, not brushed aside. I never once stopped to consider that your actions had nothing to do with me.”
He took a step forward, crowding into her personal space. He didn’t want there to be miscommunication, no misunderstanding. “I’m so used to only thinking about me and Mama, and I hate how the way I handled my call with Summer made you feel anything other than adored. Because I adore you, Jude Metcalf. Always have. Always will.”
A light blush stained her cheeks and she grinned. “Is that because I’m adorable?”
