Page 84 of Thursdays at Orange Blossom House
Dorothy feels the prick of tears. Why does Grace Maud have to be nice to her? It’s so much easier when people aren’t nice. She’s much less likely to cry then.
‘Everything!’ she says, sniffing to hold back those tears. ‘Nothing in particular!’
Grace Maud gives Sandrine a wave, and takes Dorothy’s arm to guide her outside. ‘It’s normal to be nervous about your first baby,’ she says softly as they walk behind some slow leavers.
‘I know.’ Dorothy sniffs again.
‘I was terrified.’
‘You were?’ Dorothy stops walking and Patricia almost bumps into her.
‘Don’t forget I gave birth in the forties. Things were a little more brutal then when it came to childbirth. Women died not infrequently.’
Dorothy’s mouth drops open. Dying hasn’t occurred to her before now.
‘And I can see I shouldn’t have said that,’ says Grace Maud, ‘as you’re going to add that to the list, aren’t you?’
Dorothy goes to say ‘no’, but it wouldn’t do much good because Grace Maud will just say she’s lying.
‘But you shouldn’t,’ Grace Maud continues, ‘because the risk is much lower now. We have a hospital here and you’ll be in excellent hands.’
‘It’s going to hurt, though,’ Dorothy says.
‘I’m afraid there’s no way around that.’ Grace Maud starts walking again. ‘But the pain is temporary and you won’t remember it.’
Dorothy looks disbelievingly at the older woman.
‘You’ll remember that you were in pain,’ Grace Maud explains, ‘but if you try to conjure that pain again, you can’t. It’s a blessing, and you’ll think so too.’
‘What if I’m no good at it?’ Dorothy says, almost whispering.
‘Childbirth?’
Dorothy shakes her head. ‘Mothering.’
‘None of us is good at it, really,’ says Grace Maud matter-of-factly. ‘Our children all think we’ve failed them in some way at some point. You probably think that of your own parents.’
Dorothy nods, and Patricia makes a face.
‘But we do our best. That’s really all we can ask of ourselves.’
They’ve reached the street, and move away from the gate so others can depart.
‘You’re a kind-hearted woman, Dorothy,’ says Grace Maud. ‘So you’re one up on me.’
‘That’s not true!’ Dorothy squawks.
Grace Maud waves a hand. ‘It is, and that’s fine. We can’t all be lovely. But you are, and your child will be lucky to have you.’
‘I completely agree,’ says Patricia, smiling broadly.
Dorothy takes a moment to think about what Grace Maud has said. She doesn’t know if she’s kind-hearted, but she trusts Grace Maud. And Patricia. They seem to think she will manage motherhood, as does Frederick.
That may not stop her worrying about it the next time she’s in meditation – probably before then – but she’ll remember it when the time comes for her to take her baby home and start on the unfamiliar journey of raising it.
‘Thank you,’ she says, and kisses them each goodbye. ‘See you next week.’
And she walks to her car slowly while her baby gives her a good, strong kick.
