Page 95 of Lessons in Love at the Seaside Salon
‘You kicked yourself out,’ she says sharply and her reward is his hurt face.
‘Fi kind of said the same thing.’
‘Really?’
‘I told her how much I’d been working. She said Bracey always made her a priority no matter how much work he had. Hejust found a way to manage it all, she said. That’s what you do once you have your priorities straight.’
He stares into her eyes. ‘I have them straight now, Anna,’ he says, and she finds herself holding her breath. ‘You are my priority. You and Troy and Renee. I won’t mess that up. Not again.’
With a flourish the waiter places sole in front of her and chicken in front of Gary, and she stares at her plate like it’s an oracle. Except her future does not lie there. Instead, it may take the form of the man sitting across from her.
‘I know you don’t have much of a reason to take me back,’ he says, picking up his cutlery. ‘But I’m asking you to try to think of one. And here’s my reason for wanting to come back: I love you. I’ve never stopped. I just thought it was enough. You know? I thought all I had to do was love you and you’d know and that it would make everything fine. But I need to show you. The way you showed me, by taking care of our house and our kids and our friends.’
He puts down his cutlery and places his hands in his lap, almost as if he’s about to pray. Is he? Has he turned religious in his absence? Anna won’t know what to do with a religious husband.
‘Please give me another chance,’ he says quietly.
The eyes that meet hers are strong, determined. She likes it.
‘You don’t have to say anything now,’ he adds, picking up knife and fork once more. ‘Let’s talk about something else.’
So she tells him about Troy’s interest in learning to surf and how Renee wants to do ballet, and he listens. They talk about the holiday they once took to Manyana on the south coast and how they loved the fact there was hardly anyone there. Normal things. Family conversation. Yes, that’s what it was. The sorts of things they always used to talk about.
It may make them a family again. She feels closer to that than she did.
When he drops her home they kiss goodnight. Not on the cheek. On the lips. It’s brief, and she likes it, and when she goes inside she doesn’t think about the blonde woman any more, she just thinks about the kiss and how it had felt like the first time.
CHAPTER FORTY-NINE
It was nice, having the fantasy of Sam’s affection to keep her company while Billy was staying with his dad. On those long, empty weekend days Evie didn’t feel so alone, because she would let her mind wander into maybes and one-days and isn’t it funny how those can feel so real? How you can have memories of something that didn’t exist? She is sure, for example, that she and Sam had a lovely house together, and that Billy was happy with Sam as his stepdad. That they’d taken holidays together and gone on long walks, just the two of them, and they’d never fallen out of love.
Those fake memoriesfeelreal – she has sensations in her body as she recalls them. Happiness, then the grief of knowing they won’t become real. She’s never before experienced grief for something that didn’t exist. It makes her feel like an imposter, and that’s increasing her misery.
She should never have let her fantasising get this far. With clear eyes, in hindsight, she can see that Sam never gave her any signs of being anything other than her friend. Yes, he was friendlier to her than anyone else in the salon – but you do that when you like someone. Also when you fancy someone, true. It’s her fault for presuming things, though. She shouldn’t have done that. He gave her an inch and she took two hundred miles.
There’s so much she shouldn’t have done. The shame of it sometimes feels worse than the grief.
Not that anyone’s thinking about her that much – she can’t imagine Trudy is spending time thinking she was a fool. Infact, Trudy has been really kind about the whole thing, along with having to manage a workplace in which she has one staff member recovering from a misplaced crush on another.
Sam could have left after her confession. No one would have blamed him. Instead he’s carried on being his wonderful self, which doesn’t help her get over him.
Argh, she needs to get out of this house. Go for a walk. Work off all this glumness. Maybe she should just keep walking and exhaust herself. That’d be a way to stop thinking.
Picking up her Walkman and shoving some cash and the house key in her jeans pocket, she heads out, trying not to slam the front door even though slamming doors has been in her repertoire lately. It’s a way of working off the angst.
Out her gate and turning right, she sees a familiar figure closing a car door. Oliver. Oh great. She’s trying to get over Sam and here’s his brother, grinning at her as if she’s got a bow wrapped around her. Why does he irritate her so much now? Maybe because he reminds her of how Sam came into her life.
‘Oh. Hi,’ she says, hoping he’ll pick up on her tone, which is of the keep-away variety.
‘I was just coming to see you!’ His tone suggests that he has not, in fact, detected that she doesn’t want to see him.
‘Really?’ She wants to ask why but no doubt he’s about to tell her.
‘Yeah. Ah – but you’re going out.’
She stares at him.
He laughs nervously. ‘Of course you are,’ he says. ‘That’s why you’re out the front of your house.’ Glancing down, he says, ‘Sneakers? Are you going for a walk?’
