Page 50 of Nashville Cowboy
“Ihadto. And so do you. You’ve been angry at me for so long, for good reason—”
“No, itwasn’ta good reason.”
“It couldn’t have been healthy. All that drinking.”
“In a way my anger fueled me for a while. It gave me a purpose.”
“Mine did, too. But that purpose ended. He was put away, and I didn’t need the anger anymore. But I couldn’t let go. Until I had a little breakthrough. My therapist helped with that. Then the only emotion left was sadness and…fear. I’m still working on that.”
He brought her hands up to circle his neck. “I wish I could have been there when you needed me. When you were suffering.”
“But I liked that you didn’t know. You’re the only one in the family who treated me like the old Eve. Not with kid gloves. And I want to be that woman again. Fearless.”
“Youarethat woman. That’s the way I see you.” He nuzzled her neck.
“Only with you. Somehow you bring it out of me.”
“I’m talented that way. Pissing you off is my specialty.”
She laughed. “No, I think it’s because I still feel safe with you. You’re one of my last memories of feeling truly safe. And loved.”
“I would never hurt you.” He hitched in a breath. “But I did, didn’t I?”
“No more than I hurt you.”
She was being generous, but he was done with excuses. “Ishouldhave come after you. I would have fought for us, too, if I didn’t have my head up my ass.”
“Stop. I knew what you wanted, and you had every right to your dream. Don’t think for a minute that I was being all noble and self-sacrificing. I just wanted to be first with you.”
The knowledge of that slammed into him. Eve was so proud, it was no wonder that she’d left the church after seeing him appearing less than thrilled.
“But if I’d gone after you?”
“If you’d have come after me, we’d have gotten married. I know it was stupid and I was immature. Too proud. I guess I wanted you to show me that you still wantedus.”
“That’s not stupid or proud. But I guess I showed you that you were right about me, by leaving the next day for Nashville.”
She shook her head. “Maybe we were both too young to know what we wanted.”
“You mean that we were both too young to know what we had.” Jackson pressed his forehead to hers, wanting the contact.
“I can only speak for myself, but I had no idea.” She whispered.
Drained of energy,Eve wanted to collapse and take a nap. For six months.
Only a few minutes ago, her plans for a ladies’ night was derailed. She’d been warned by Sadie when she’d ended her phone call with Lincoln and turned to Eve.
“I hate to say I told you so. My Lincoln is wonderful but keeping a secret like this from his brother was asking too much. Everything you tried to stop is headed your way. Right now.”
Eve understood the time would come when someone would slip up. The Carvers weren’t known to keep secrets for long. It was possible with the benefit of distance and geography, but not once back in the cocoon of the family ranch.
Heart racing, Eve had waited for him in a bedroom, and when he’d walked in, his eyes were shimmering with unspent pain, anger, and confusion. The sorrow in them was exactly why she hadn’t wanted him to know. Ever. She didn’t want his pity, but it only took a few minutes for her to see that Jackson didn’t feel sorry for her. He hurt for her, and there was a difference.
Without the filters of anger and fear clouding her thoughts, she could see that now.
“I missed you,” Eve said now and tugged on the nape of his neck. “So much.”
Eve hadn’t been intimate with another man since Bobby, but that wasn’t due to a lack of options. There were many men in Stone Ridge. Once, a man who’d been passing through town brought an injured cat he’d found on the side of the road to their clinic. They’d connected over a mutual love of helpless creatures. He’d asked her out and she’d agreed.
