Page 51 of Soldier Cowboy
“Everything about you. You have a hobby, you’re not completely withdrawn.”
“My family does that for me.”
“I can see. You’re lucky.”
He cleared his throat. “I also went through therapy for about three months before I let my family know I was coming home. I let them believe I was still overseas because I…needed that time.”
She nearly dropped her sandwich halfway to her mouth. “You’ve had therapy?”
“Why the shock? Do I not seem that enlightened?”
“No, it’s just so many soldiers like Joe hate to admit they need help.”
“My family thought I was still serving, but I was debriefing and getting counseling. I wanted to be whole for them when I came back. Otherwise, they’d worry and hover, and that’s the last thing I need.”
“You love your family.”
“Doesn’t everyone?” He lifted a shoulder.
“Yourfamily? Yes. I love your family, too. But no, not everyone’s family is quite like yours.” She thought of her own rather fractured family. “I’m close with my brother. But my father? You’ve met my father, the lieutenant. He ran a tight ship at home, too. As a child, he’d wake me up with: Good morning, Jennifer. Here’s your first order of the day.”
Colton blinked. “That’s…interesting.”
“Yeah, most of my friends thought so when they’d spend the night and hear the lieutenant’s orders through the closed bedroom door.”
“You must be like your mother.”
It was true what they said about losing a parent. The pain never dulled.
“I lost her when I was twelve. Cancer.” She took a deep breath. “But yes, I was like her. Very much. She was an artist. I still have some of her work on canvas. For her it was a hobby. Her children were her life.”
“Your father never mentioned she was an artist. Then again, he didn’t talk about her much. Too painful, I imagine.” He rubbed at his temple. “I know what it’s like to lose someone.”
He probably meant his parents and not Cherisse. Or maybe he meant both.
“I know you do.”
Jennifer finished the delicious sandwich. The feeling was starting to come back to her limbs, inhibitions creeping back in, and she wondered how big of a fool she’d made out of herself in front of Colton and the ladies.
“I listened to your podcast while I was banished from the meeting.”
She cared too much what he thought. It shouldn’t matter but it did. “What did you think?”
“You’re very good at talking to people. I should have realized that from our road trip, but I didn’t know how well it would translate into your work.” He smiled and she read all manner of nuances into that half smile.
I see you.
I understand.
I accept you.
Maybe she was imagining it, but Colton understood her in a way she wasn’t even sure Joe did.
“It was nice to find something where I could be a success. You probably know my grandfather was army, too. Highly decorated. Did you know even my aunt was in the service at one time? But me, I think I’ve tried for most of my life to fit in…somewhere else.”
This was a truth she’d only recently come to fully understand in all its ramifications. She forgave herself, too, for being too kind to Dan.
It was all part of the journey to understanding she didn’t need everyone in the world to like her. Some people never would, some would like her a little too much.
