Page 93 of The Ex Next Door
Amy would choose her children and that meant choosing their father.
“But where does that leave me? I’m going to be miserable without you.” Amy moved closer to him on the step.
He had a lot to say about how miserable she would be without him, because he’d done everything to make himself indispensable to her, but she would have to make this decision on her own.
“You’re never going tobewithout me.” Declan drew her close, framed her beautiful face in his hands. “You’ll always have me even if I’m on the sidelines as a friend. I’ll always love you. I’m going to be here and I’m not giving up on us. But I know you too well. You want to save your family.”
“I do, but that doesn’t mean I want to lose you.”
“Still, I have to let you try. I wouldn’t be much of a friend if I didn’t.”
“Noo.” The sound coming out of her was like that of awounded animal. “It’s not fair after what he’s done. I can try but it will never be the same. That’s not a marriage. That’s like…my children being held hostage.”
“Hey, those are my arguments.” The sentiment was exactly right and on point.
He tried to chuckle, but it wasn’t coming. Instead, a desperate ache filled his chest. All that sense of being settled, of utter and complete contentment, was slowly leaking out of him.
“I’d do anything for my children, but it just isn’t fair to expect me to do this. Not now.”
“But if he’d come back sooner, youwouldhave tried.”
She didn’t answer because the answer was of course, yes, she would have tried to save her family. And it made sense to Declan. It was one of the things he loved most about her. She didn’t give up on people. Sure, it was coming back to bite him now, but it was one of her best qualities.
“We can’t move forward with this hanging over our heads.” He let his arms dangle between his legs, a sense of defeat spreading.
“What do you mean by that?”
Still, he’d never been one to give up without a fight. He’d been taught to play fair, however, even if nothing seemed equitable about this. On one side stood Rob with their children, the real weight in all this. On the other side stood Declan, alone.
He got up, sticking his hands in his pockets so he wouldn’t be tempted to take her into his arms. So he wouldn’t be tempted to remind her who was here first, whom she truly belonged to.
“Take a week and think about this. Decide. And if you choose your family, I’m going to always be here. I’m going to be here when you need me. I’m going to be there in thebackground, watching and making sure he treats you right. I’m going to be with you no matter what. You won’t lose me. But this has to be your decision.”
She didn’t speak but covered her face. The sobbing started soon after, and he had to force himself not to turn back, take her into his arms and comfort her.
Declan walked across their shared lawn, and it was by far the longest twenty feet he’d ever walked.
* * *
Two days later, Amy was still a mess of tangled emotions and thoughts. Declan wanted her to take a week, and she would, but she didn’t see how she could wind up having answers in such a short time. She might never know the right thing to do. Already she missed Declan desperately. Someone had cut out her heart and expected her to walk around and live and breathe without the organ so vital to life.
Today Bianca had picked up the children to take them to the boardwalk. When Amy told her friend what Rob now wanted, her first reaction was selfish: “Oh my gawd, it will be just like old times again,” followed by, “Oh,” when she’d taken a good long look at Amy. Her eyes were pink and puffy, almost like the days just after Rob moved out. She was now unhappy in reverse.
“Sounds like you have a big decision to make,” Bianca said, then offered to take the kids for a day.
Mom showed up on Amy’s doorstep that same afternoon.
“How are you, sweetie?” She hugged Amy, setting her back to get a good look at her. “Oh dear.”
“I don’t know what to do.” Amy turned and headed back to the couch and her box of tissues.
Her mother followed her to the couch and sat next to her. “Do you want my advice?”
“Yes!” Amy said.
“Rob has asked you to choose between him and Declan. One of them is like choosing your children, and the family you once had. The other one is choosing the man you fell in love with while Rob was busy being an ass. Now I ask you, my darling—why should you chooseeither one of them?”
For two days, she’d thought of nothing but what her heart wanted versus what her logical brain told her was the better choice. She’d never entertained the idea of choosing neither one of them.
