Page 94 of The Ex Next Door
“But… I love Declan.”
Mom sighed. “I see. And I do understand. It’s like the new and shiny brightness of being in love for the first time. But over time, love can wane and ebb and flow. Remember that a marriage, or any long-term relationship, is work. You haven’t had to work for Declan yet. But you might have to, someday. It’s not all going to be a bed of roses in your second marriage, either.”
“It’s not the shiny and bright thing. I know we’ll have issues. But he’s selfless and he’s loving and he’s perfect…for me.”
“And then there’s Rob.”
“The father of my children.” Amy sniffed. “I can’t change that, nor would I want to. But… I don’t appreciate him putting me in this position. I didn’t want the divorce but now it’s too late.”
“Exactly. If he wanted you back, he should have wooed you, not issued what comes down to the start of hostage negotiations.”
“Exactly.” Amy reached for another tissue and blew her nose. “But I always said I’d do anything for my children, and am I now supposed to walk away from trying to be with their father? It’s what they want. Do I have the right to take it from them? That’s selfish, isn’t it?”
Mom snorted. “What? You don’t think you’re allowed to beselfish?”
“No, I’m not. Not for many years yet.”
“You did such a great job when you and Rob divorced keeping the children out of it. You understand that they can’t make these grown-up decisions and it was never up to them. Was it hard for them to have their home split up? Of course, but they are resilient, and good kids. When it comes to our children, mothers will always choose them over ourselves. But you have to ask yourself at some point if that’s wise. Let me ask you this—do you think it might be important to them to grow up with a mom whom they know is happy?”
“I would hope so, but they’re still young. Right now, they’re the center of the universe because they’re not emotionally mature enough to understand their parents have needs of their own.”
“But someday soon they will be. Do you think they’d rather know that you made a choice that made you happy, and not a long-suffering one that essentially turns you into a martyr?”
Amy perked up because it sounded for the first time that someone had given her the permission to do what she’d wanted to all along.
“Don’t think of this decision as choosing between your children and Declan. Why not chooseyourself?”
* * *
Once Amy realized exactly what she’d do, she didn’t want to wait the rest of the week. She also didn’t want to tell Rob yet. Let him wait and fester and stew. He’d made her agonize those first weeks when she’d begged him to work things out for the sake of their family, and he hadn’t listened. Rob chose Rob.
Amy had tried to save her marriage and failed. But, asone of her mother’s favorite quotes went, “Every flower must grow through dirt.” And Amy had grown and realized that one day her children would grow up and leave the house. They’d have their own lives and friends and interests, and they were not going to hand her an award for being the world’s most selfless parent. They would be grateful for her love and support even though it would probably be many years before they’d verbalize it. And while they were off at college or the Peace Corps or whatever they decided to do, she’d be home with the man she loved.
Yes, in the end, she chose herself because her happiness and joy mattered, too.
She wouldn’t always put herself first, but she would now, at the start of her new life.
Amy sat on the top step of Declan’s porch, but it was midnight before Declan pulled up and shut off the headlights of his truck. She sat on her hands, trying to tamp down the wave of ecstasy coursing through her. She hadn’t seen him in two days, and he looked a little like the sun. Bright. Golden. Her star. Part of her wanted to run toward him, to launch herself into his arms. But she would play this cool and let him know she’d made the decision with the amount of thought he’d wanted from her.
She couldn’t look away as he moved toward her slowly, warily.
“I thought we said one week.”
“Yes, but I don’t need any more time. I’m sure.”
He moved toward her almost wearily and in that moment she knew.
He had no idea of how much she loved him or that she would choose him a million times and not just once. She stood and took a step down to meet him before she stoppedherself. Perfect. He was two steps below her and this evened out their height so she could look him in the eyes.
“It was an easy decision to make. I chose myself.”
He quirked a brow. “Actually, that sounds like a good choice.”
“It is. When I choose myself, it makes life far simpler. I love you, Declan Sheridan. And I choose being happy today, and tomorrow and ten years from now when my kids are grown and out of the house.”
Finally, he smiled, his relief palpable. “I wanted to tell you to choose yourself first. It’s something a friend of mine told me recently. Sometimes you have to say no to everyone else and yes to yourself. Everyone who knows you and loves you realizes you deserve to be happy. You deserve everything.”
She pressed her temple to his, raked her fingers through his thick hair and leaned into the strength of him. “I honestly can’t believe you thought this could go any other way. It’s you. It’s always been you.”
