Page 99 of A Tale of Ice and Ash
“People paid to accompany you don’t really make good friends,” he said. “Even back in Florin I knew that every cook’s boy playing with me was doing so because he was told to.”
“I... I never thought that. Growing up. Everyone I played with–”
“Probably liked you. But then, you’re a lot more likeable than I am.”
“You’re not... you’re not terrible, you know.”
He rolled over and laughed. “Goodness, Snow. What sweet words you throw at me. Be careful. I might just fall in love with you.”
“And we’re back to detestable again. That was short lived.” She sighed, lying on her back and staring up at the fabric ceiling. “I don’t understand. Why didn’t you go back to Florin, if there was nothing for you here?”
“Because there was nothing for me there, either. Nothing but responsibility and better weather. If I was miserable, I figured I deserved to be, but at least I’d be miserable with the one person who genuinely cared for me, even if I could never explain it to her.”
A lump rose in Eirwen’s throat. “Your mother.”
Cole could only nod. Eirwen shook her head, feeling guilty for the family she had found and the one he’d never had. The urge to offer herself bubbled up inside her.Let me be your family.But that was too much, too personal. Too overwhelming.
“Well, keep flirting with Garnet and I’m sure she’ll adopt you. She has a thing for adopting strays.”
Cole chuckled. “In a weird way, you were lucky to find them.”
“I was,” she said, “very lucky.”
“It must be… it must be nice to have so many people in your life to care about. That care about you.”
“Not right now, it isn’t,” she said. “Now I wish I was alone and didn’t care about anyone.”
“Being alone isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.”
Eirwen bit her lip. She had been trying to tug him away from that.
“Cole, I’m–”
“You’re sorry my mother is a murdering psychopath who killed your father and destroyed your country?”
“Yes,” she said carefully, “but I’m sorry for you because of it.”
“You don’t have to be.”
“I think, maybe, that I do.”
He stared at her, his eyes so wide they looked like chasms. Ravines with glassy depths. No longer stung by the intensity, she wanted to slide into them. At the same time, she was afraid. Terribly afraid.
“It’s the price of caring about people, you see,” she continued. “You have to be sorry for them sometimes.”
Cole swallowed, almost imperceptibly, as if he couldn’t stomach the words she’d just uttered.
“Are you all right?”
He glanced away from her sharply, turning his face in the opposite direction. His eyes gleamed briefly in the low light. “I’m… er… thank you, Snow.”
Eirwen shuffled closer in the bed, draping her arm around his middle. “It’s for warmth,” she said. “Unless you want it to be for something else.”
Cole said nothing, but his fingers slid around to hers, and laced them tightly in his.
∞∞∞
All night, she lay in his arms. He hadn’t meant to hold onto her hand for as long as he did, but by the time he let go, her fingers had gone completely loose. He turned towards her, her face inches from his on the pillow, and saw she’d drifted off. He pulled up the furs around her, dimmed the stone further, and was just about to turn away when she snuggled closer towards him, wrapping her arm around his back.
