Page 122 of A Curse of Hope and Shadows: Part I
“Wouldyouwant to live like that?”
“I wouldn’t like it, but I don’t have a choice. I’d get used to it. It’s far from the worst thing, and I have a family who–”
“Who wants you. Who needs you. Wholovesyou.”
Adeline froze, because of course those things made a difference, feeling needed and loved. Whatever she had lost, she had never lost that. And Dimitri… he had nothing to tether him to the world.
Except her.
“You could have those things too,” she said quietly.
Anger, pain, despair—some wretched combination of the three burned within him. He gestured to his face with his uninjured arm. “Like this?”
“Yes, like this! If only you’d let more people in, they’d see who you really are and—”
“What if I don’t want other people?”
Adeline stilled. “What… what do you mean?”
“What if I just want you?”
“Dimitri, you can’t—”
“Don’t pretend you don’t know what I mean! You know that I—”
“I know life can be unbearable at times,” she said, cutting across him, not giving him any room to speak those words. “And in a different way, I know what that feels like. And I wish I had some magic way to fix you or someone had a magic way to fix me but that’s not how the world works. We can’t fix each other but we can be there for one another and hope that’s enough. At the end of the day, only we can fix ourselves. Only we can find the courage to continue. So I’m asking you tofind thatbecause while I absolutely will live without you, I really don’t want to. I’ve grown far too fond of you.”
Dimitri stared at her, eyes wide, voiceless. She was grabbing his arms, fingers tight against the fabric of his clothes, her voice wild and desperate, actions that spoke of far more thanfond.
“I lost my mother,” she continued, calmer than before. “I lost my father, and my mother. I couldn’t save her, and she died in my arms. I can’t… I can’t lose someone else. Ican’t.It would shatter me. So I know it’s hard and tough and painful but please, don’t give up, and don’t ever think you aren’t wanted or needed.Ineed you.”
No longer able to stomach the weight of his gaze—or the weight of her own words—she sagged against his chest, breathing hard.
Never in his entire life could he ever remember anyone acting like this on his behalf, brimming with… panic? Despair? Fear?
Not of him, butforhim.
Saints and stars, he would never entangle himself from her. He neverwantedto.
“All right,” he said softly, his arm coming up to stroke her head. His heartbeat slowed to something regular, normal. He shouldered any anger he felt at the world, swallowed it. For her. It was the least he could do. Theonlything he could do.
He was powerless, a puppet of fate, but if she cared for him...
“I had no plans to do anything rash,” he told her. “Just so you’re aware.”
“I need you to promise that no matter what happens, you’ll do your hardest to survive.”
Like she has done,he realised. A different pain from his, but one she’d had to overcome nevertheless.
“I promise,” he whispered against her head, and he wondered what else he would promise, if she let him, what other vows he’d make, what ones she wanted to hear.
It is enough if we’re together,he told himself.That’s all I need. All I’ll ever need. It’s enough, it’s enough, it’s enough…
“I should get Mrs Minton and the Prince,” she sniffed into his nightshirt. “They’ve been worried sick.”
His good arm circled round her back and tugged her against his chest, pinning her to him. “Not yet, please,” he said faintly. “I just want a few more minutes.”I just want forever.
Adeline’s arms travelled round his middle, squeezing him tightly, and the weight sent him sprawling back to the pillows. She made no motion to move, no motion at all, curling into him instead, like she was the scared and injured one, and he her protector against the world.
