Page 129 of A Curse of Hope and Shadows: Part I
Someone knocked on the door. “I have to go,” Dimitri rushed. “But—I’ll send for you tomorrow. I’ll find a way. I promise.”
He tugged her once more into his arms, and they held each other for a few, fleeting seconds, before he swept out the room, and Adeline was alone once more.
The last few days, trapped with people, and without the company of the one he truly craved, had been Dimitri’s own personal hell. The stares were everywhere. People tried to be polite, of course, but they still looked, and worse, they whispered.
He could hear every word.
Yet his father was silent, uttering not a word to him, or about it. He acted like Dimitri barely existed at all.
He was the perfect, charming host, and Dimitri emulated him as well as he was able, chatting with whoever would let him, consenting to the games and activities and endless luncheons and suppers. He battled through near constant headaches, perpetually dreading that his arm would misbehave and he’d lash out at the worst possible moment.
The night before last, he entertained their guests with a beautiful rendition of Talov’s Symphony Number Seven. He’d looked up, hoping to see his father’s approving gaze, but the Duke was nowhere to be found.
He longed for Adeline instead, and the days around the piano, and the wonder she gave and emitted. She didn’t often look at him that way, but she did when he played.
An awful, sick kind of dread coiled inside him, as if those days were long gone, never to come again.
I will play for you again,he whispered.I swear it.
The ball would be over soon. The guests would leave. The Duke would not stay forever. Everything could return to the way it was before.
For years, he had wanted nothing more than his father to return. It was an old, dull want, a scar, a phantom limb that still itched even though it was no longer attached. He hardly dared voice the desire to himself, but he had told Adeline last night, and she had understood. Even though it was pointless to want someone who didn’t want you, she’d understood.
But now, he wanted him gone, just to be fully hers again. He never had to pretend in front of her, never felt he needed to beg for scraps of her affection.
Plenty more he would be willing to beg for, but she’d never made him feel like he needed to beg for that.
He had to speak to her again, even for a moment.
He had to do a lot more than that.
It occurred to him that the ideal time to speak with her freely would be during the ball, when all the guests and servants would be occupied with that, but he couldn’t wait that long. Instead, he had Thomas deliver a message to her, asking her to wait in the servants’ staircase after the party departed for a morning hunt the next day. Thomas narrowed his eyes when he was entrusted with the message, but said nothing.
All morning, he sat with the guests in the blue parlour, eyeing the panel in the wall that gave way to the concealed staircase, wondering if she was waiting for him and when the others would leave. They seemed to have multiplied overnight, and after his performance on the piano and a complete lack of incidents since they arrived, many had decided it was safe to approach him.
He ought to have been glad of the distraction, but the instinct to bite off heads was there instead, barely contained. He drove his claws into the armrest of his chair, and prayed for time to pass.
“You look glum, cousin,” said Alexei, draping an arm over the back of his seat.
“My standard expression.”
He snorted, but said nothing more to him, perhaps noticing the damage being done to the chair. He stood up and pranced into the middle of the room. “I do believe we’ve dallied long enough!” he declared. “Shall we not depart?”
It still took forever for the room to clear, with people faffing about for loose belongings, sending servants for forgotten items of clothing, twittering about the hunt rather than actuallydoing it.
Finally, the room fell silent.
Dimitri marched across the room to the servants’ entrance. Adeline tumbled out as he approached, but he snatched her wrist and hauled her back into the narrow space, latching the door behind them lest any prying eyes wander back into the room.
Adeline half fell into him, their limbs tangled together. He could feel her breath on his neck.
“What did you want to talk about?” she whispered.
He wanted to reach out and touch her cheek, but he found himself terrified of not being able to stop there. Her proximity liquefied him, filling him with the desire to lift her up against the wall and crawl into her flesh, engulfed by her kiss. His knees trembled at the thought.
“I just had to see you,” he said.
“Well, if that’s all…”
