Page 161 of A Curse of Hope and Shadows: Part I
“You’re only two years older than me!”
“Things will change as you get older. You’ll see.”
She could feel his eyes staring into her back, but it was the solid tremor of his voice that stung the most. “How I feel about you will never change.”
“You say that now—”
“What about you?”
“What?”
“How do you feel? Do you think you’ll ‘grow out’ of me?”
No. Never. Not as long as I live.“I think... It’s not so simple…”
“You broke the curse, Adie. That must mean… itmust...”
The hope spiralling from his words latched onto her heart, burrowing deep, like shards of glass.
Say it. Say it quickly.
She took a careful, measured breath. “I love you, Dimitri. And I always will. But not in the way you want me to.”
“I don’t... I don’t believe you.”
“You don’twantto believe me.”
“No,” he said, moving about the room. “You’re just… no. Adeline, look at me, please.”
When she did not, his voice grew wild and desperate. “I don’t believe you.”
“Dim—”
“You kissed back. When I kissed you. You kissed me back.”
“I… you’re a good kisser, Dimitri. I like being kissed. It wasn’t hard to kiss you back.”
“It wasn’t… it wasn’thard?”
“I… I was lonely,” she continued, each word painful. “I wanted to kiss someone. Anyone. And you… you were in need of kisses. I lost myself in the moment, not wanting to hurt you.”
“No. No, you wouldn’t… you’re not a liar!”
“I never lied to you,” she said, willing her voice not to break.I don’t ever want to lie to you.
Finally, her eyes caught his, wide and brilliant, brimming with tears. “But I love you,” he said. “I love you in the way there aren’t words to give reason to. Beyond expression. There’s no one else…” He shook his head. “They’llbeno one else. Not ever.”
“You don’t have enough experience with people to know that you love me.”
“I don’t need experience with anyone to know that I love you. I just need to knowyou.And I do know you. I think I know you better than anyone.”
“You… you shouldn’t love me just because I’m nice to you—”
“I don’t love you because of that!” Dimitri stormed. “I love you because you’re kind and brave and smart and funny, and the thought of being anywhere else but by your side frankly makes me want to die—”
“Stop… stop saying these things…”Stop saying what I feel. Stop talking about being apart because we cannot be together. You must know this. Not in this world.“I can’t love you that way, Dimitri. That is all there is to it.”
I could, I can, I do. But I’m not allowed to.
