Page 164 of A Curse of Hope and Shadows: Part I
You are alone, Dimitri Von Mortimer. So what does it matter where you go?
Dimitri sighed. “As you wish, Father.”
The Duke smiled, as if he’d waited all his life to hear those words.
Despite his father’s assurances that he need not leave until after Midwinter, Dimitri insisted on making preparations to leave as soon as possible, eager to be gone by the time Adeline returned. He knew that it was rude, that whatever they were to one another, she would be hurt that he left without saying goodbye, but he couldn’t stomach the conversation, couldn’t fathom what he would say to her.
And maybe, just maybe, he wanted to hurt her. Wanted her to feel a fragment of the pain he was lost to.
No wonder she couldn’t love me,he thought.I am but a shadow of a decent person. There’s not enough light in me for her to latch on to.
When Thomas suggested he might want to think about it, he raged at him and threatened to have him dismissed if he told her.
He was angry. Angry at the sensible suggestion, his father, the world, himself,her.
No words would be better than angry ones.
So he packed.
“Will you be taking the chess set?” Thomas inquired, as he and Posey readied the trunks.
“No,” Dimitri snapped, in a spur-of-the-minute decision he was sure he would regret.
“The books, then?”
Dimitri glanced at the stack on his bedside; all ones Adeline had picked out, all ones marred by her inflated affection, not false, but not true, either.
“No,” he said, more quietly than before.
Thomas sighed, and went to get his travelling suit from the laundry.
Posey dumped everything else on his bed and began folding roughly, taking little care. She seemed angry too, but he wasn’t about to inquire as to why. Instead, he came towards the pile, picked out one of the shirts, and started to fold it like he’d watched Adeline do countless times.
Posey stared at him, eyes wide.
“Spit it out,” he demanded.
“You’re making a terrible mess.”
“So are you!”
She seized the shirt from his clutches and hastily redid it, this time with slightly more care, sighing and tutting beneath her breath.
“I think I preferred you when you ignored me,” Dimitri said tartly.
“It’s a mutual feeling.” She finished stacking the first of the trunks. Thomas arrived with the travelling suit, and Posey helped him load up the packed trunk, taking it the hallway ready for departure tomorrow.
She hovered at the door. “You know you were more than a job to her, yes?”
“Yes,” he said. “Of that much, I’m sure.”
“Then why leave without—”
“Because I don’t know how to say goodbye to her.”Because I can’t. I can’t do it. And I’m worried I’ll just rage at her rather than tell her what I want to say.
Posey paused. “The first… the first time when you were taken ill, and she forgot it was her day off, she told me to send for her if anything should happen, if we thought you might need her.”
Dimitri paused. He had not heard their words in the corridor, and they had not known each other well, then.
